Revenge is Sweeter
by MyBoyfriendEdwardSparkles
Summary: After a very public break up in the school parking lot that involves Bella showing her underwear to the whole school, Edward Cullen and Isabella Swan declare war. Remaining friends with the ex? So not an option...
1. Prologue

**So here you go! A brand new story for you! I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think. Heres just a tiny little snippit (just incase you hate it) x**

Prologue

BPOV

"Bella!" Edward's voice came from behind me. I didn't stop, I just kept pushing my way through the students that crowded the parking lot. "Wait! I can explain!" I felt a pair of strong hands on my shoulders, pulling me back.

I tried to shake them off but he didn't budge. "Get the hell off of me, Cullen." I hissed.

He spun me around to face him, hands sliding down so he was holding the tops of my arm. "Oh, so _thats_ how it is now? We're at last name status?"

I took a deep breath and kicked him in the shin as hard as I could. "No." I spat. "_That's_ our status."

"That really hurt." He muttered, letting go of my arms to rub his legs. Then he said something under his breath that sounded like 'bitch'.

"IT'S OVER!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. The lot went silent. The only thing you could hear was the rain hitting the roofs of the cars. "Ok? Over! Just leave me alone!" I turned and started to storm towards the school gates. I was going to have to walk home. Getting a ride from Edward today had been a bad move.

"Fine. But can I have my boxers back?"

I froze.

Embarrassing as it may be, I was actually wearing them at that very moment. It was sort of creepy actually, wearing my boyfriends boxers under all my clothes, but it was a habit I couldn't seem to break. Now I apparently had no choice but to go cold turkey.

"Fine." I called back to him, my voice shaking a little. Great. Now the whole school knew my freaky habit too. "I'll put them in your letterbox." I snorted.

"I need them now actually." He sounded like he was smirking.

Asshole.

"Of course you do." I spun around and glared at him. "So...what? You want me to take them off right here? Right now?"

He shrugged, grin growing wider. "If you had the nerve. But you don't. You've always been a wimp."

I could feel myself going red. Oh. No. He. Didn't. What the hell did I ever see in this creep? "You know what?" I pulled off my jeans, ignoring the wolf whistles, and yanked off the stupid boxers.

"Nice undies, Bells!" Mike Newton called.

Edward laughed darkly. "Pink. Hot."

I dropped the boxers in a muddy puddle, picked them up again and stormed over to Edward. "Here . Have your stinking underwear."

"Of course they're stinking, they've been on your a-" He choked as I stuffed the muddy boxers into his mouth.

"See ya, jerk." I walked off for the final time.

"This isn't over!" Edward shouted, coughing as he choked, I presumed, on the muddy water. "You do realise you've started a war, don't you Swan? I'm not going to forget this."

"Sure, sure." I laughed, ecstatic at my little revenge.

Edward was all talk no action.

Right?

**Don't worry, you're going to find out what caused them to break up and the war has only just begun! Squee! Loved it? Hated it? Please please let me know! Mwa!**


	2. World War Three has begun

**Hi everyone! Ok, so I'm going to post a flashback each chapter as well as the present time bit of the story, just so you get a bit of background information on everyone and you see what happened in the past. As the flashbacks progress, they will gradually lead up to the breakup and we'll find out _why _B ended it with E. Make sense?**

2 years earlier

"_Bella, why don't you just tell him how you feel?"_

_I tore my gaze away from Edward buying his lunch. He looked so hot when he bought his lunch...._

"_Bella! Your eyes just glazed over!" Alice sounded annoyed._

"_Oh. Yeah, sorry, Alice. What were you saying?"_

_She sighed. "I was saying that you should tell Edward how you feel. You've had a crush on him for forever now."_

"_I can't." I mumbled. Edward and I had been friends since we started Forks High and he had never shown any signs of liking me as more than a friend. Telling him how hopelessly in love with him I was would ruin EVERYTHING! I hated awkwardness._

"_I'll tell him for you." Rosalie offered. "Then I'll threaten to take apart his stupid Volvo if he says doesn't like you back."_

_Alice shot her a exasperated look. "But he will say he likes her back. Won't he, Rose?"_

_She took a bite of carrot. "Sure, sure."_

"_I'm doomed." I muttered, folding my arms sulkily._

"_Hey, Bells." My personal Greek God said, sitting down._

_I stopped sulking at once. "Hi, Edward!" Bit too enthusiastic there...._

"_Oh hi, Alice!" Alice said sarcastically. _

"_How are you, Rose?" Rosalie asked, following Alice's lead. "God, it's like all you can see is Bella..." Both girls winked at me. I blushed. Of course._

_Edward shrugged, oblivious to their teasing. "Oh, Emmett and Jasper told me to tell you that they have detention this lunchtime. They said not to miss them too much and to sneak food into their next classes."_

_Rosalie slipped an apple into her bag. We all stared at her, knowing what Em's reaction would be if all she bought to class was a measly apple. She obviously realised too and stood up. "Do you think a bag of chips and drink will be enough?"_

"_This is Emmett we're talking about." Alice reminded her._

"_Two packets." she muttered to herself, sauntering off to buy them._

"_So," Edward turned to me. "What did you get on Biology homework for question...."_

"_Hi guys!" an annoyingly cheerful voice greeted us._

"_Mike." Alice and I sighed._

"_Newton." Edward muttered darkly._

"_So...." Mike grinned at me. I tried to return it but I was sure it looked more like a grimace. "I noticed Emmett and Jasper weren't sitting with you guys today so I thought I'd come and keep you guys company."_

"_That's nice, Mike." Edward responded. "But we're not lonely at...." Mike sat down. Beside me. "...all."_

_There was a silence._

"_Um, what were you saying before, Edward?" I asked, trying to get a conversation going._

_Edward glared at Mike before answering. "I was just wondering what y-"_

"_You look so hot today Bella." Mike interrupted through a mouthful of burger. "That mini skirt makes your legs look smoking!"_

"_I'm not wearing a mini skirt..." I glanced down just to make sure Alice hadn't slipped one on me when I wasn't looking. Nope. Definitely still jeans._

_Mike winked creepily. "Yeah, but I'm imagining you in one."_

_Edward made a gagging sound._

"_That's...nice." I didn't know what else to say so I just looked at the floor._

_After about half a minute I felt a sweaty hand on my thigh. Hmm...Wonder who's hand that could be..._

"_You wanna go out tonight, sweet thang?" Mike asked in a 'trying to hard to sound husky' voice._

"_Oh, gee..." How do I put this nicely...No._

"_She's busy." Alice burst out. "With Edward. They've just started going out." _

"_We have?" Edward and I choked._

_She narrowed her eyes at us. "Yes. You have."_

"_Ah well." Mike elbowed me...a bit too hard. "I'll win you over, babe."_

"_Don't call me that." I muttered._

_The lunchtime passed at a sluggish pace. Rosalie returned and got pissed when Mike asked if she'd take off her top for him. Edward shot him death glares. I read a book and tried to ignore everyone._

"_This was fun!" Mike giggled when the bell rang. Yes. He giggled. "We should do it again some time."_

"_No!" Rose and Edward shouted._

"_Ok..." Mike mumbled, wandering off to harass Jessica._

"_I swear to God," Edward growled as we walked to class. "If he ever sits with us again, I will kill the guy. Then I'll have a stroke."_

*

Back to the present (The day after the big break up)

"Are you sure it's ok for me to sit with your group?" Mike asked nervously as we walked towards the table.

Of course, Edward was sitting there as well. He didn't have the decency to leave me and _my_ friends in peace.

Ok, granted, they were his friends too. But honestly...

"Of _course!_" I assured him, linking my arm through his. Edward's face was going to be priceless. "You're practically one of us."

"Really? It' just that last time I tried to sit with you guys, like two years ago, it didn't seem like you....liked me very much..."

"That's ridiculous." I murmured absentmindedly watching my friends as we moved closer. They all looked tense.

"Hi!" Mike called enthusiastically.

I smiled at them. "Hey, Alice. Jasper. Rose. Emmett. And...um..." I coughed awkwardly and avoided looking at Edward. "Anyway, I thought since Mike and I are growing..... closer, he could sit with us today."

I heard a groan come from Edward's direction.

"I wasn't asking_ your _opinion." I snapped, still not looking at him.

"Uh, great." said Alice. "Hi, Mike."

Mike took a chair from another table, sat down and helped himself to one of Jasper's fries. "See, I always wondered why you never asked me back to your table, we had such fun last time."

"Oh, yeah." A certain ex muttered. "The whole 'you eating with your mouth full' thing was _really _pleasant."

"I find that sexy!" I volunteered loudly.

Mike looked at me incredulously. "You _do?_"

"Uh, sure."

"Well, um..." He took a big mouthful of sandwich. "Hows vis?"

I gave him thumbs up. "That's.... just...great."

"So..." He swallowed his sandwich. Thank God. "Now that you're single..." I smirked and stole a glance at Edward. He looked pretty pissed. Excellent. "We should sleep together."

I started to choke on my drink. "W-what did you j-just say?"

Edward leaned over and punched Mike's arm lightly. "Don't get your hopes up, buddy. Swan's pretty frigid."

"I...You.." I was sure I was tomato red in the face. "You....ARGH!" I turned to Mike. "My house. Seven o'clock."

Mike punched the air. "Score!"

Now it was Edward's turn to go red and splutter. "Are you....what do you think..."

"Can't even form a proper sentence." I muttered. Then I placed my hand lightly on Mike's arm. "I like my men smart."

Mike grinned at me through another mouthful of food.

Yum.

"So..." Emmett began after a few minutes of awkward silence. "What's everyone up to this weekend?"

Edward put his hands behind his head and leaned back. "Just relaxing. Enjoying the single life. Not having to constantly have my hands at the ready for when a certain _someone_ trips and nearly paralyzes herself."

I glared at him. "Well _I'm _going to do something that _I_ want to do this weekend. I don't have to worry about only doing what my overly controlling boyfriend wants me to do anymore!"

"Well _I'm_-"

"Ok!" Alice interrupted. "We get it! World war three has begun! Can you just take it somewhere else?"

"World war three has not begun, Alice." I said calmly.

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "We were only sharing what we were up to this weekend."

Suddenly, the bell rang. I stood up hastily to leave.

Then I remembered what class I had that period.

Biology.

And I just happened to be lab partners with the devil.


	3. Biology with Satan

_2 years earlier_

_Alice and I groaned as Edward's phone buzzed. He shot us a warning look from the couch in the Cullen living room._

"_Hello again, Tanya." He greeted her calmly. How could he do that? This was the seventh time today that she'd called! It was a Saturday for Gods sake! Didn't she annoy him enough during the week?_

_Edward paused for a moment and grimaced. "No, sorry, I'm _still _busy tonight."_

…_._

"_No. There's no one else. I'm with my friend and my sister."_

…_._

"_Yes, I know. But as I've said before, you're a lovely girl..." Alice snickered. "..But I simply don't like you that way."_

…_._

"_Uh....Ok. Whatever you say. Bye." He hung up and dropped the phone like it was a hot potato._

"_What did she say?" I asked cautiously, but on the inside I was doing a little dance, just like I did every time Edward rejected Tanya._

_She'd been after him for years. Ok, granted, so had I, but she was _very_open about her 'fondness' (or maybe obsession was a better word....) for Edward. She was constantly asking him out, constantly calling him or sending him presents._

_God it was annoying. You'd think she'd stop after the first few rejections but it just made her want him more. _

_Edward shrugged. "Same old, same old. Except..." He hesitated, blushing (Ugh, so hot when he blushes. So very, very hot...) "Right at the end, when I said that I didn't like her _that___way, she said 'We'll see about that, because I have a plan.'" _

_Alice whistled. "Uh oh. Looks like WWW's about to cast a love spell on you, Eddie."_

_I giggled. Alice and I had started using a nickname for Tanya, Wicked Witch of the West (WWW for short) it had really stuck. We now had trouble not calling her it to her face, not that she'd even notice, she'd probably just say, 'Like....huh?'._

_Edward's lips twitched but he managed to keep his disapproving frown in place. "You really shouldn't call her that, Alice. It's not very nice."_

_Alice's gave him her famous puppy dog look. "Don't blame me. _Bella_ was the one who came up with that nickname in the first place!"_

_I gasped and narrowed my eyes at Alice. Traitor. Edward turned to me, waiting to see what my reaction would be, his expression now amused. "It's not my fault I have eyes!" I cried._

"_Explain." Edward demanded, smirking. "I never_did___get to hear the story of how that nickname came to be."_

_How could I deny him anything? "Well," I began. "We were watching the Wizard of Oz..."_

"_I had made popcorn." Alice interrupted. "Extra butter flavour."_

_I ignored her. "And I just happened to notice that a certain witch looked a little bit like our friend Tanya."_

"_The wicked witch?" guessed Edward._

_I nodded._

_His expression became thoughtful. "Hmm...I've actually often thought she looks like the_good_ witch to be honest..."_

_I raised my eyebrows. He had to be teasing me, right? "But the good witch is actually _pretty_**.**__" Yeah, ok, so is Tanya, but Edward wasn't supposed to think that!_

"_And how do you know I don't think Tanya's attractive?" He challenged._

"_I...Well..." I stammered. "If you think that, then you would've said yes to dating her." I pointed out. I wanted to add, 'Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you haven't said yes. Please _don't___ever say yes. Ever'._

"_You think I base my decisions about who I date on what they _look like?_" Oh no... _He_ looked mad._

_Alice just sat there, her eyes darting between us as we spoke like she was watching a tennis match._

"_No!" I just about shouted. At least, I hoped he didn't. My chances of ever getting to be with Edward were pretty slim. If looks were the most important thing he looked for in a girl..._

_Well, lets just say my chances just went anorexic._

"_Then what are you implying?" He asked dangerously._

_I slumped in my chair, avoiding his gaze. "I'm not implying anything. I was just surprised that you thought she was pretty. That's it." _

_I snuck a glance at him, he no longer looked angry. That was good. Now I could actually exhale._

"_I do think she's pretty. But...uh.." He looked down and ran his fingers through his incredible hair, seeming to struggle for words. "I've seen way prettier." His eyes flashed to my face for a split second and I swore I saw him wink._

"_Hey kids." Esme entered the Cullen living room and perched on the side of my arm chair. "Wow, Bella. You look extremely flushed. Are you ok, honey?"_

_I felt my face heat even more. "Oh, yes. I'm fine. You know me, I'll blush at anything."_

_Esme nodded knowingly._

"_Where's Dad?" Asked Alice. "I thought he wasn't working late tonight."_

"_Something came up." She explained. "He won't be home in time for dinner. Which means," she smiled kindly at me. "There'll be more food than the three of us can eat on our own. Would you like to say for dinner, Bella?"_

"_Sure. Thanks, Esme."_

_She stood up. "I'll go get started now."_

"_Dad's always working late." muttered Alice when Esme had left the room. "And for some reason, he always comes home with a smile on his face! Like he actually _enjoyed_ working...."_

"_He does enjoy working." said Edward. "He saves lives, Alice."_

_She wrinkled her nose. "I still don't see how he finds it enjoyable."_

"_I'm with Alice." I murmured, still not looking at Edward, I didn't trust myself not to have a heart attack if I did. "Dealing with blood all the time..."_

_I heard a chuckle and looked up at Edward (_without_ going into cardiac arrest!). He was grinning. "I forgot about you and your irrational fear of blood."_

"_It's not irrational!" I cried. "It makes me sick!"_

_Uh._

_I hated blood._

Back to the present (right after the Mike/Lunch disaster....)

I couldn't help wondering what Mr Banner would say if I asked to switch lab partners. Yeah, he'd probably ask why, and no way was I telling him the truth, that my current one was a) my ex-boyfriend and b) an asshole.

Maybe I could just tell him that I wanted to sit more to the front of the class. Because...

I had developed terrible eyesight overnight?

Right.

But when I entered the Biology classroom I knew my excuse was no longer needed.

"Please?"

Excellent. Edward was doing the groveling for me. All I had to do was sit back and enjoy the company of whoever my new partner would be. Maybe Angela....

"Oh, fine." Mr Banner said reluctantly.

Edward smiled triumphantly and came to sit...next to me!

Oh. Of course. Mr Banner was going to make us wait a lesson before switching us so he could sort everything out. Teacher stuff.

All I had to do was endure one lesson, one measly lesson beside....._him_.

I could do that. Of course I could.

"Cullen." I greeted him coldly as he took his seat.

"Swan."

I sat, trying not to look at him, while he sat there smirking like this was all some huge joke.

"I can't wait till next lesson." I muttered darkly, doodling in my notebook.

"Why?" he asked, still smirking at me. It was getting annoying.

"So I can escape you, _obviously_." I snapped.

Edward seemed genuinely confused, the amused smile had disappeared. "What do you mean?"

"You _were_ asking Mr Banner if we could switch lab partners before, weren't you?"

And the grin was back. "No. You're the best partner I ever had, Bella."

Gee, mood swings much? One minute he's telling Mike Newton I'm frigid and giving me evil looks across the lunch table, the next he's complimenting me. There was obviously a hidden agenda...

I narrowed my eyes. "Well you're the _worst _partner _I_ ever had, Cullen. _I _prefer lab partners who don't _cheat._"

He flushed, expression turning livid. "I have _tried _and _tried _to explain this to you, Bella. I didn't cheat on y-"

"I was talking about tests!" I snapped, even though I wasn't. "You cheat on tests."

"You and I both know you weren't talking about tests."

Yes. "No."

He sighed and looked me straight in the eyes. Twenty four hours ago, that look would've turned my legs to jelly. Not anymore.

Ok, maybe a little bit.

"Are you going to let me tell you my side of the story?" He whispered.

I opened my mouth, then closed it again, not trusting myself to speak in fear that what came out would be 'Of course, anything for you'. I simply shook my head.

"Fine." snapped Edward, looking away angrily.

"Ok," Mr Banner stood at the front of the classroom. "Now, I _did _have something different planned for today's lesson. But thanks to Mr Cullen's who apparently is desperate to do this, we're going to be blood typing typing today."

My blood ran cold.

"You didn't." I choked.

"There's a blood drive at Port Angeles this Saturday." He said innocently. "It's important that we all know our blood type so we can all do our bit."

My heart was beating much faster than usual, I already felt slightly dizzy and nobody had even pricked themselves yet.

"Admit it," I hissed, doing my best to sound furious, not faint. "You did this because you know I hate blood. Didn't you?"

He simply shrugged and watched the boy infront of us stab his finger with those repulsive little barbs.

"Oh God." I murmured as the room started to spin.

"Miss Swan!" exclaimed Mr Banner. "I forgot about you. You're afraid of blood, am I right?"

"Not afraid," I muttered, squeezing my eyes shut. "It just makes me sick."  
"Uh huh. Alright. Do you want to go to the nurse?"

"I have gym next, maybe I should just go home."

"Mmm, you're probably right." Agreed Mr Banner. "But you can't drive like that. Mr Cullen, could you take her please?"

I opened my eyes to see Edward's mouth drop. "Do I have to?" Ugh, Jerk.

Mr Banner stared at him incredulously.

"I mean...sure." He grabbed his books and surprised me by taking my hand to lead me out of the classroom. "Come on Bella."

I know. I _know _I should have let go. I should have dropped his hand and kicked him in the crotch after screaming, 'Don't touch me, loser!'. But I didn't. For two reasons.

Firstly, if I had let go, I would've lost balance and fallen down, most likely hitting my head on the floor. And that would've been bad.

Secondly, it felt _amazing_. Him holding my hand felt like..... the night you get back from camp. When you get back into your own bed for the first time in about a week and you feel completely comfortable and warm and at home. Then you sleep for a really long time.

Except I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to jump on him and kiss him in a roomful of crowded kids. But I didn't.

Because that would've been weird.

And besides, Edward _wasn't _my bed. And not just because he didn't have a pillow on his head, but also because he wasn't _mine_ anymore.

"I knew it."

I blinked and saw that we were now standing by his car, the passenger door open. Wow, how did that happen? "You knew what?"

"That you still want me."

I gasped. "I DON'T! What the hell gave you THAT stupid idea?" I do. I do. I do. I want you back so badly.

He smiled smugly and nodded down at our hands, his limp, mine gripping his so tightly it had gone red.

I let go quickly. "I feel sick. I'm not in my right mind. I was thinking of Mike the whole time." I babbled.

"Get in the car, Swan." He sighed.

I got in and did up my seat belt.

"So..." He said after half a minute. "Have you told Charlie?"

"That I'm sick? No, of course not, idiot. It only happened ten minutes ago."

He rolled his eyes. "I mean about_ us_."

I snorted. "I hate you. But I don't want you to get shot." Then my voice got softer. "Have you told Carlisle and Esme yet? About....us?"

"Yeah." He muttered. "And don't worry, they're not mad at you or anything, more at me."

"Well you did cheat on m-"

"_I did not_." He spat furiously. "And one of these days you're going to listen to my side of the story and realise that you've totally overreacting."

I chose to ignore him and stare out the window.

After a few moments, my stomach lurched, a reaction to his stupid fast driving. "Can you slow down? I'm going to be sick if you don't."

"We're almost there." He muttered.

"I'm serious." I warned him.

"So am I. Look, there's your house." He pointed. "So you can just get out in a minute and escape from the clutches of your terrible, cheating, monster of an ex-boyfriend...." He sounded so sad, I could've hugged him. But I didn't. This was war and when you're in a war, you don't hug the enemy.

"Edward, I'm going to be sick!"

He slammed on the brakes, pulled me over on to his side and carried me quickly out the door. He set me on the ground.

Just in time for me to throw up.

All. Over. Him.

**Um, can anyone say 'Ew'?**

**Anyway, we got a few clues in this one! Now we know why they broke up! Review if you want Edward to take his shirt off next chapter!**

**I'm not even kidding! If you want him to, HE WILL! **

**100% seriousness.**


	4. It's in my house!

_2 years earlier – Christmas Eve_

_Another year, another Alice Cullen Christmas party. Another ridiculous costume she tries to get me to wear._

"_No!" I screeched, throwing the stupid 'Santa's little helper' costume down onto Alice's bedroom floor. "That's the sluttiest thing I've ever seen, Alice! I'm not wearing it! I never wear any of the Christmas outfits you pick out for me! I thought you would've learnt by now!"_

_She ignored me. "Not slutty," She picked the costume up and smoothed it out. "Sexy."_

"_Slutty." I disagreed "I'm wearing something else." _

_She put her hands on her hips. "I happen to know that Tanya Denali is coming tonight."_

_I froze but tried to look indifferent. "The guest list doesn't bother me, Alice." It so bothers me. Oh God, Oh God.... Why is she coming? She never comes. Did Alice invite her? Why would Alice invite Tanya? She's such a bitch. "Are you trying to change the subject?"_

"_All I'm saying, is that she's going to be dressed in some revealing little costume, looking totally gorgeous and obviously she'll be all over..." She trailed off and shrugged. "Oh, well. Never mind. You should go put on your jeans now..."_

_I began to hyperventilate. "All over...Edward! You were going to say Edward weren't you?" Not that I care or anything... "But he won't pay any attention to her, right? He doesn't even like her. Right? RIGHT?"_

_Alice was beginning to look quite afraid. "Well..... It's going to be hard for him to resist a girl with about 6 inches of material covering her...."_

_I snatched the costume out of her hands. "Make. Me. Slutty."_

"_Not slutty!" She exclaimed as she pushed me into the bathroom. "Sexy!"_

_*_

"_You look so hot!" Rose squealed snapping pictures. "Finally! The three of us can be matching in our outfits!"_

_I pouted. "I miss my t-shirt." _

_Alice winked at me as she touched up my lipgloss. "Edward won't!"_

_Downstairs, the part was in full swing, Alice had insisted we some down after everyone had arrived, giving us a 'dramatic entrance'. _

_How could two words scare me so damn much?_

_Rose checked herself one last time in the mirror. "Ok. Lets go!" She linked her arm through mine on one side, Alice linked on the other side._

_In other words, I was trapped._

"_I'm so going to trip." I muttered as we walked towards the stairs._

"_Don't be silly!" Alice scolded. "We won't let you fall."_

_As the three of us descended the stairs, as few heads turned in our direction. Then a few more..._

"_Hey! It's Rosalie, Alice and....Is that Bella Swan?!"_

_And a few more..._

_I scanned the crowd for Edward and eventually spotted him standing with Emmett and Jasper, his mouth hanging open._

_Thank. You. Alice_

"_I'M HERE!" _

_Everyone, including Edward, turned the other way to see who the voice belonged to. _

_I didn't even need to look too see who. But I did anyway._

_Tanya was standing in the doorway with a huge smile on her face and just as Alice had predicted, she was wearing....well, I wasn't quite sure what it was._

_She could've been an elf._

_Or a blade of grass with not much green and huge cleavage._

_A few guys with a higher shoe size than their IQ wolf whistled. I glanced over at Edward to see what his reaction was. His eyebrows were raised, but he didn't look repulsed like I had hoped he would._

"_Bitch can't keep the spotlight off her for two seconds." Alice grumbled folding her arms. "I need a drink." _

_Emmett rushed up to us and wrapped his arms around Rosalie. "Hi, gorgeous."_

"_Emmett, why are you wearing reindeer antlers?" She asked._

_He grinned. "Like 'em?"_

"_You look like a five year old." She ripped them off his head._

"_Rose!" He whined. "Give them back!"_

_Rose waved the antlers infront of his face. "You've gotta catch them first"_

_I smiled, watching Emmett chase Rose around the room. They were so cute. _

_After about half an hour, two glasses of punch, eight boring, awkward conversations and four pick up lines later, I was miserable. And Edward hadn't even come and talked to me...._

"_Hey." _

…_.Yet_

_I looked up to see him smiling down at me. I wanted to answer, but I couldn't. _

_It was hard to make conversation when he took my breath away._

"_Hi." I finally managed to choke out. _

"_Enjoying yourself?"_

"_It's a party, of course I'm not." I answered. "Are you?"_

"_Not even a little bit. I don't even know why I'm here."_

"_Maybe because you live here and Alice would make your life a living hell until you move out if you didn't come?"_

_Edward's eyes lit up. "That's it!"_

"_What?"_

"_I live here! We can escape from everyone and go to my room!"_

_I nodded enthusiastically. I was going to Edward's room! Not that I hadn't been in there before. I had. And nothing had happened. But it all just seemed....different tonight. I **felt **different tonight._

_Or maybe someone had just spiked the punch._

"_No you can't." A voice that was obviously intended to be seductive, but very much wasn't, purred._

_Tanya._

_The demon elf._

_WWW._

"_Oh." Edward grimaced. "Tanya."_

"_That's my name, don't wear it out!" She giggled, then she ran her fingers through his hair. "Don't go upstairs. At least, not without me...." She licked her lips. _

_Ok, ew._

"_Hey, Wicked Witch of th- Uh, I mean, Tanya, your lipgloss is smudged." I told her, hoping she'd scream in horror and run to the bathroom. Then Edward and I would make our escape. _

_Unfortunatly, she just leaned closer to him. "And it's going to get even _more_smudged if I get my way..."_

_Edward cleared his throat. "Bella, will you come and help me with something? I need to retreive a Chrsitmas present I bought for a very special person in my life." He winked at Tanya who giggled and smiled smugly at me._

_Edward grabbed my wrist and I felt my face heat up at his touch. He pulled me towards the stairs._

"_Hurry back with my present!" Tanya called._

"_God, she really is dumb." I muttered as we raced upstairs. "Why would you need **me** to come and help you get a present? Nice story, by the way. Quick thinking."_

"_It wasn't a lie." He said, stopping at the top of the stairs and looking at me. "I really do need to grab a gift to give to a very special person in my life."_

_I blinked. "You bought a present for _Tanya!?_"_

_He brushed my hair away from my face, his fingers just grazing my cheek. I froze._

"_I was talking about _you_, silly."_

_Oh. My. God. Did Edward Cullen just call me a very special person in his life?_

_No. He can't of. No._

"_You're talking about_ me_?"_

"_Of course I am."_

_I realised I wasn't breathing and inhaled. "Oh. So....you're giving me my present now? Not waiting till tomorrow?"_

_He nodded and started down the hall. "There's nothing else to do." He gestured towards his parents room where we were heading. "I didn't wrap it myself, I hope you don't mind. It's just, you know how great Esme is at decorating and wrapping and stuff so she wrapped everything I'm giving this year. "_

_I grinned. "This is perfect. She wrapped all mine too. Now I can give you _your_ present."_

_I felt kind of bad letting Esme doing all of my wrapping for me, but as Edward had pointed out, that woman was AMAZING at it and she'd actually offered and seemed to generally wanted to do it, so I couldn't feel too guilty._

_Plus, with my luck, I probably would've given myself a papercut during wrapping them myself and bled to death. So letting Esme do it was the safer option too._

_We entered the room, locking the door behind us incase Tanya came up to find us, and Edward headed straight for the wardrobe, pulling down a box labeled 'Edward's'. I grabbed 'Bella's'._

_He pulled out a small, rectangular parcel at the same time as I pulled out my present for him._

_Then the doubts started._

_Oh no, he was so going to think my gift was gay! What was I thinking? This was such a STUPID idea! This was the sort of think a seven year old would give her best friend! I bet Tanya got him something much cooler...._

"_Bella?" Edward waved his hand infront of my face. "You just completely blanked out. You ok?"_

_I nodded and we sat cross legged on his parents bedroom floor. _

"_I'm going first." I blurted out. That way, if he hated my present, he could bolt and I won't have to face the guilt of accepting his one, which was obviously going to be amazing._

_Edward sighed dramatically. "Fine! You may go first."_

_I grinned and handed it to him. "Oh, and don't do that thing where you look at it and go 'Hmmm, I think its a...dog! No, wait, its a ball!'. Because that's just gay. Just open it normally"_

_He scowled. "You're very demanding tonight for someone who's supposed to be a 'helper'." His eyes moved slowly over my outfit and I gulped._

"_You like the costume?" I squeaked._

_He shrugged. "It's ok, I suppose." _

_I narrowed my eyes. "You mean I got all dressed up for _nothing_?" _

_Oh._

_Shit._

_Did I just say that out loud?_

_He looked like he was fighting a smile. "You dressed like that for _me_?"_

_Yes. I did. "Pfff! No!" _

_He ignored me. "Why?"._

_I glared at him. "Open the present."_

"_Tell me!"_

"_No!"_

"_Now!"_

"_Because I wanted to look hot! That's it! Now open the damned present before I call Tanya in to eat you or whatever it is she wants to do to you!" _

_He shook his head, confused. "What does you looking 'hot' have anything to do with me?"_

_My stomach was flipping and my face felt like it was on fire. "Can you just open it?" I felt like bursting into tears and running from the room. What was I thinking? He'd said 'It's ok, I suppose'. Even dressed like a freaking prostitute, I still looked like plain old Bella to him. No amount of make up or sexy outfits could ever change that. To him I was just a friend. And I always would be._

_He sighed in defeat and tore open the wrapping paper. He took out the shirt, took one look at it and cracked up laughing. "Oh...my...gosh..."_

_I couldn't help smiling at his reaction. At least he wasn't running from the room. "You like it?"_

_He turned it around so the front was facing me. A photo of him and me together on Halloween as kids was on the front, I had gotten the shirt printed specially in Seattle. Yes it was cheesey, but it was funny._

"_Are you kidding?" He chuckled. "I love it!"_

"_Now, I know it's totally useless because you'll probably never wear it but...."_

_He clutched it to his chest, his face a mask of mock outrage. "You can't be serious! How can I go even one DAY without wearing a shirt with you and me dressed as Frankenstein monsters on my chest?"_

_I giggled and he held out my present to me. "For you."_

_I took it. "Now, is it a.....airplane?"_

_He shook his head. "It's only funny when I do it."_

_I rolled my eyes and tore the paper open. A dark blue box was inside. I lifted the lid. A beautiful gold chain necklace lay inside, a delicate heart dangling from it._

"_Wow." I breathed. "Edward...."_

"_Don't tell me off for spending too much money on you." He warned. "Or I'll have to kill you."_

_I zipped my lips, not taking my eyes off the necklace._

"_I know it's terribly cliché," He muttered, shuffling closer to me. "But may I put it on you?"_

"_Of course you can." I smiled. Hey, you could punch me in the stomach, I honestly wouldn't care, just so long as you're touching me._

_He carefully picked the necklace up out of the box and undid the chain. I sat there, waiting. He placed it around my neck and moved behind me, brushing my hair off the back of my neck._

_I was totally frozen. I couldn't breathe._

"_You know," He murmured as he did up the necklace, I could feel his breath tickle my ear. "You don't need to get dressed up to look beautiful to me, Bella."_

_I could've sworn my heart had stopped._

_The necklace was done up and his hands were now on my shoulders, then slowly moving down my arms. _

"_Turn around." He whispered, and somehow, I could actually move, and I did._

_His face was closer than I expected, our noses touched. _

_I didn't need to look up to check if there was any mistletoe above us._

_I just kissed him anyway._

Back to the present – Day after break up – Bella's just lost her lunch

Edward and I had to walk back to my house. He refused to get back into his car with vomit all over him and I wasn't allowed to drive his precious Volvo. God, I always knew he loved that car more than me.

"You look cold." He murmured.

"Oh thanks for that Captain Obvious." I snapped, shivering. "Maybe the _reason _I'm cold is because you won't drive me the CAR! So I have to WALK home in the RAIN!"

"It was only an observation." He said. "No need to bite my head off."

"I'll bite your head off if I want to bite your head off!" Stupid, rude ex-boyfriends. Mutter mutter.

He sighed and we continued walking, both scowling at the sidewalk.

When we reached my house I stopped in the doorway. "I suppose I should invite you in to clean yourself up, shouldn't I?"

"That would be the polite thing to do, seeing as you _did _just throw up all over me."

"Maybe if you just stood in the rain for a few minutes it would all get cleaned off."

He rolled his eyes. "Just open the door, Bel- I mean, Swan."

I smirked. "You mucked up. You almost slipped and called me Bella, didn't you?"

"No."

"Yes!"

"I did not!"

"You so did!" A giggle escaped my lips.

"I was _going _to say 'Just open the door, bell you must ring'." He lied.

"That doesn't even make sense." I elbowed him playfully as we both laughed and walked into my house.

Wait....

I composed myself, remembering his comment at lunch. "You can go and take a shower if you want. But make it quick. I want to get ready for Mike's _visit _tonight."

He kind of looked like he was choking. "Uh, I don't think that w-would be such a good idea. Mike's visit, I mean. You _are _sick after all. You aren't really up for visitors."

I snorted. "Jealous, are you?" Excellent. My plan was working.

"No! It's just, that you're in a very fragile state right now. If Newton came over now, it would probably...uh..mess up your recovery." He was staring at his shoes.

I folded my arms. "I seem to recall you visiting me when I was sick many _many _times over the years."

Edward scowled. "That's different. My presence has always soothed you!"

"Right now your presence is really pissing me off! Go take a shower," I pointed to the stairs. "I want you gone by the time Mike gets here." I smiled wryly. "I don't do threesomes."

He gritted his teeth and unzipped his filthy jacket. "Ugh, what did you have for lunch?" He shuddered, hung it up on a coat hanger, then proceeded to strip off his sweater and shirt.

I just sat there, trying to keep my mouth from hanging open.

Wow.

God, he had SUCH a nice chest. I didn't realise how much I missed it.... So perfect and unblemished..Rock hard abs, imagine just running your hand across-

BELLA SWAN! BAD GIRL! NO DOGGY TREATS FOR YOU TONIGHT! SIT! ROLL OVER!

Oh good Lord, one look at Edward without a shirt on and I was going mental.

"Shower." I managed to choke out. "You know where it is."

He smirked at my expression and ran up the stairs.

Ok, I needed to get a grip. The guys was a JERK! His body is the the only good thing about him! He's a cheating, lying scumbag and I HATED him!

Then again....He was really hot and sometimes he could be sweet....

I sat there for about five minutes going over the pro's and con's of Edward Cullen, I found I had to keep inventing con's just to keep it even.

Then something caught my eye.

No...it....It couldn't be...it wasn't....It WAS!

He was still wearing the shirt. I couldn't believe it. A part of me was screaming 'BE ANGRY! HOW DARE HE!' but another part was whispering 'He still cares'.

Hesitantly, after glancing around the room to make sure no one was here still, I reached over and picked it up.

Why hadn't I noticed he'd been wearing it under his sweater before? Oh. Right. The chest thing.

Wonder if it smells like him.... I had always loved the Edward smell....

Slowly, I bought up up to my face and held it to my cheek. "Mmmm.." Yeah, it did smell like him.

I heard the noise of someone clearing their throat, my eyes popped open. Edward stood about a metre away from me, smirking.

I glanced at the shirt I was clutching, then glared at him. "This. Means. Nothing."

**Wow. This is a pretty damn long chapter! And as promised, EDWARD TOOK OFF HIS SHIRT! Yupsies! Ok, next chap... Dun dun dun....MIKE!**

**PS: Anyone notice the little line of a song I snuck in? Ten points to the person who guesses right!**


	5. YOU'RE THE VICTIM HERE!

**No flashback this chap. Just plain, simple, revengeful goodness. (Revengeful....is that even a word?)**

**Previously**

_I heard the noise of someone clearing their throat, my eyes popped open. Edward stood about a metre away from me, smirking._

_I glanced at the shirt I was clutching, then glared at him. "This. Means. Nothing."_

"I don't see _why _you're attempting to kick me out, Swan. I haven't done or said anything remotely offensive since I arrived here, have I?"

I gave him another shove towards the front door. "You just _being here_ offends me, Cullen." WHY WASN'T HE MOVING? I WAS PUSHING AS HARD AS I COULD!

"Explain."

I stopped my useless attempts to forcefully move him and settled for giving him the dirtiest look I could. "I don't have to, this is MY house."

He raised an eyebrow. "You pay the bill?"

"No, but..."

"Does Charlie charge you rent?"

"N-"

"Then technically this isn't _your _house. You don't own that TV, that's not your fridge..."

"Bull!" I spat.

"No, you don't own one of those either."

I was about to scream profanities at him, then I realized what he was doing. "You're trying to distract me! WELL IT'S NOT GOING TO WORK! OUT!"

Edward appeared to be ignoring me. He strolled over to the couch and lazily flopped down onto it. "So...Nice weather we've been having."

"GET THE HELL OUT!"

"Was my shirt very soft when you rubbed it obsessively against your cheek? I thought so. Esme's using this new powder in the laundry, it's making all of our clothes nice and-"

"I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE IF YOU AREN'T OFF MY PROPERTY IN FIVE, FOUR, THREE..."

He merely grinned. "Hey, remember that time we went to the zoo on a date?"

"TWO...O-" I stopped screaming and blinked at him. "Yeah. Why?"

"When you go psycho, you kind of look like that angry baboon...."

The way I saw it, there were two possibilities. Either I had tomato juice in my eyes, or I was seeing red.

"I HATE YOUR FREAKING GUTS, EDWARD CULLEN!" I ran over, grabbed him by the ear and yanked. Hard.

"Ok, OW! Ow, ow ow ow ow ow ow..."

I half ran towards the door with his ear pinched between my fingers. "Cullen, meet door. Door," I slammed it with him outside. "Meet Cullen."

"That REALLY hurt!"

"Thank God." I called as I headed towards the kitchen. "I was afraid I wasn't pinching hard enough."

_Stupid, Cullen, _I thought to myself, walking towards the fridge to grab a coke. _Stupid, intruding Cullen._

There was a brisk knock on the door.

"GO AWAY! OR I'LL PULL YOUR EAR AGAIN!" I shouted, taking a swig of my drink.

More knocking.

"I'M NOT JOKING!"

"It's me, Mike!"

Mike? I thought he wasn't coming till seven....

I pulled open the door. Sure enough, there he was. I grimaced. "Hi. You're early."

He stepped forward and wrapped his arm around my waist. "I couldn't wait to see you, babe."

Ugh. "Mike, don't call me babe. I'm a human being, not a pig in the city."

He snorted. "Ha. Of course you're not! Forks is a town, not a city! Silly."

I rolled my eyes and closed the door. "Come in. Can I get you something to drink?" Just because I was talking to someone with two brain cells, didn't mean I couldn't be polite.

"Do you have any prune juice?" He asked, jumping up to sit on the counter.

"Um...No...I don't think so..."

Mike slapped his knee. "Dang. I need some." He patted his stomach. "I'm kinda constipated right now."

There was an awkward silence, Well, it was awkward on my part, Mike just kept grinning and rubbing his stomach.

I cleared my throat and tried not to look totally disgusted. I needed Mike if my plan to make Edward jealous was going to work.

Time to strike up a conversation. "So, what are you planning on doing when you leave sch-"

"Are we going to have sex yet?"

I could feel my face heating up. What was _with _this guy? Was it physically impossible for him to open his mouth _without _making me uncomfortable? "Um...No?"

Mike pouted. "Why not?"

"Because I'm not a slut."

He threw his hands up in the air. "The why am I wasting my time?"

I folded my arms and glared at him. "I don't know, Mike. Maybe you should leave!" Great. I'd already kicked one idiot out of my house, now I was about to throw out another.

God, I was a freak.

"Ok, then." He began to walk out of the room, then stopped, clutching his stomach. "Um, can I use your toilet first?"

I just shook my head and pointed to the door.

Argh!

Oh well. There was always Tyler. Or...Eric...

On second thought, maybe I'll just go gay.

*

I was right in that place. Right in that wonderful place when you're so close to sleep. Just drifting off.......

Ping.

Ping.

Ping.

I squeezed my eyes shut tighter.

Ping.

Ping.

Ping.

Stupid bird.

Ping.

Ping.

Pi- ALRIGHT ALREADY!

I threw my blankets off and stomped over to the window to shoo away whatever animal was scratching.

But it wasn't an animal.

Then again, it kind of was....

"This isn't romantic, if that's what you're going for!" I hissed into the dark garden. Last week, it totally would've been. Now, his stupid 'throwing pebbles at my window' stunt was just pissing me off. "Do you realize that it's almost midnight?"

"Yes!" He chuckled. "I would've come later, but that would've been inconvenient for me."

"You woke me up! Idiot!"

"Oh good." I could see his stupid, perfect white teeth in the darkness. So he was obviously smiling. Jerk.

"You were _trying _to wake me up?"

"Pretty much? Does that annoy you?" He sounded hopeful.

"No!"

"I think it does."

"Does not! NOTHING YOU EVER DO WILL GET TO ME, CULLEN! NOTHING! I'M IN CONTROL! YOU'RE THE VICTIM HERE! YOU!"

"BELLA?!" My father bellowed from his bedroom.

"Oh GREAT! Now you woke up Charlie!"

A car engine started and the lights of his Volvo flashed in the darkness. "Actually, _you _woke Charlie. See you tomorrow."

My mouth dropped open.

_How did he get over there so fast?_

"Bella?" Charlie stormed in, in his fluffy dressing gown. "Who were you talking to?"

"The dog." I murmured, watching the car drive away.

"We don't _have_ a dog! Bella? BELLA?!"

**Next Chapter or two? The Chevy and the Volvo will be targeted. Oh yes.**


	6. My Ex Boyfriend: The Alien

**Another...flashbackless chapter. :)**

Charlie had already left for work when I woke up. This was saying something, seeing as I hadn't been sure if he would actually leave me by myself after I'd pretty much gone into a trance last night, and apparently mumbled something about a non-existent dog.

Nevertheless, he was gone.

Good to know my father cares so much about my mental health.

I got dressed, brushed my hair and hurried downstairs. I wasn't hungry for breakfast.

Stupid Cullen. Putting me off my breakfast. And I'd been so looking forward to it to. I'd bought this really nice new cereal with apricot bits in i-.....

Oh. No.

That'd better be a shiny silver spaceship parked outside my house that I could see through the window.

And the thing leaning against it had BETTER be a really hot alien.

Oh, who was I _kidding_?

I flung the door open. "Do you _want _me to rip your ear off the side of your head?" I demanded to the smirking...alien (What? I don't know about you, but _I'm _not giving up hope!)

He ignored me. "You want a ride?"

"I'd rather stick pins in my eyes." I retorted.

"Oooo, can I watch?"

I glared at him. "Why would I want a ride with you when I can drive my own truck that _doesn't _have an annoying alien in it?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Alien?"

I've really got to learn to control my mouth. "Never mind. Now, if you'll excuse me. I'm going to drive to school." I gave him one last glare and spun around to face my truck. "OH MY FREAKING GOD!"

"Wow. What happened to _that_?" He sounded like he was trying not to laugh.

"YOU JERK! THIS IS TAKING IT TOO FAR!" I screamed at him, willing myself not to cry.

"Oh, come on Bella, you've had it for ages, it belongs in a museum, not on the road."

"I'M CALLING THE POLICE, THIS IS DAMAGE OF PERSONAL PROPERTY!" No need to mention to them I was planning to buy a new car in a month anyway. That asshole. How could he do this to me?

"You can't honestly be that sad about me breaking a few of the windows and putting some dents in the old thing, right?" He sounded desperate.

"I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME!"

"Bella," Edward came up behind me, took hold of my shoulders and forced me to face him. "I'll buy you a new car. Ok? But in the meantime," He gestured to the stupid Volvo. "You can ride with me."

"YOU SMASHED UP MY CAR JUST SO I'D RIDE IN THE SAME CAR WITH YOU?" Oh no...here came the tears.

Edward bit his lip. I couldn't help noticing that he actually did look quite upset. "Bells, I never meant-"

"OF COURSE YOU DID!" I screeched, wiping the tears away furiously. "YOU DID THIS BECAUSE YOU'RE A STUPID JERK! I HATE YOU EDWARD CULLEN!"

"No you don't!" He ran his fingers through his hair. "You don't. You're just mad. You don't mean it...." He seemed to be talking more to himself than to me. "Look, here's what I'll do, I'll pay to get it fixed, alright?"

I looked into his pleading eyes, trying to speak, not being able to find words.

"We both know that it can't be fixed." I muttered after a while, tearing my eyes away. I tried to make myself sound angry but it just came out as sad. The anger had all faded away. "Honestly, I didn't know you had it in you, Edward. But I guess you're doing a lot of things lately that I never thought you'd do to me."

He knew what I meant, of course he did. "Bella, for the hundredth time, please let me-"

".....Explain." I finished. "No."

We stood in silence, staring at the truck.

"I really am sorry." He mumbled. "Demolishing your truck, that was taking it too far. I don't know what I was thinking."

"When did you _do_ it?" I asked incredulously. "I didn't hear glass breaking or anything."

He stared at his feet, looking like a guilty schoolboy being scolded by a teacher. "After Charlie left. You're a very heavy sleeper, you know."

"Honestly, Edward," I shook my head. "What were you _thinking_?"

"That if you didn't have a car you could ride with me." He answered honestly.

"You do realise that that'd never have worked, right?" I said. "I mean, maybe you haven't noticed, but I'm _sorta_ pissed at you right now..."

"Yeah. I kind of figured that out...later on."

I sighed. "I guess....as long as you're here......" He looked up hopefully. "...I'll walk." Is snickered. "Ha. You thought I was going to let you give me a ride. Yeah right."

"If you walk, I'll just drive along beside you." He threatened. "Talking."

I pulled my Ipod out of my pocket, grinning. "The sound on this thing goes up _extremely _high."

Then, before I knew it, he'd stolen it out of my hand and was holding it behind his back. I opened my mouth but he held up his hand to stop me. "I know, I know." He grinned the crooked smile that I'd always loved.....in the past. "Damn Edward and his lightening fast reflexes, right?"

I pushed past him, giving him the dirtiest look I could manage. "It's damn _Cullen _and his lightening fast reflexes, _actually_." I called over my shoulder. "Last name status, remember?"

"How could I forget?"

*

"You're a really slow walker. You know that, right?." Edward commented, driving along beside me at a snail's pace.

I ignored him.

"Kind of like a turtle...."

"Shut up." I said through gritted teeth.

"...Or a really old, paralyzed person."

"I could change my mind about the calling the police thing." I warned him.

Edward sighed and we walked (and drove) along quietly for a minute.

….

"You know, I'm pretty sure a fish could walk faster than that....."

"OH MY GOD! SHUT UP!"

"I'm just saying!" He cried.

"Well_ stop_ saying." I growled. "In fact, do us all a favour, and stop _breathing_ as well."

"If I did, would you come to my funeral?"

"Yes....."

He punched his fist in the air. "Gre-"

"....For the food." I finished with a grin.

"That's cold, Be-.....Swan."

"That's me, Ed.....Cullen." I snickered.

"Ha ha. Funny." He grumbled.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked suddenly. "What's the point of driving along beside me like this? I mean, honestly! Why?"

"You mean, other than to annoy the hell out of you?"

"Oh, I didn't realise there was _another _reason."

He shrugged. "I don't know, Bella. Probably because I feel bad for smashing up your car and I'm scared that if you get mugged while walking, I'll feel guilty because it's my fault you had to walk in the first place."

I stared at him. "You're capable of _guilt_."

He kept his eyes on the road.

"You actually _care _about me?"

Edward glared at me. "Two days ago, you wouldn't have asked that question."

"Two days ago, I knew the answer to that question. At least, I thought I did...."

I didn't expect him to shout. "BELLA! WILL YOU JUST LET ME EXPLAIN ABOUT THE WHOLE THING WITH TA-"

"Don't. Say. Her. Name." I growled.

"But I-"

"Quiet."

"You don't underst-"

"Zip it."

"Can you just-"

"I'm not listening." I stuck my fingers my ears childishly. "La la la."

"Why won't you j-"

"You're still talking? Really?"

The Volvo braked suddenly and Edward rummaged around in his car for something. After a few seconds he held up a piece of paper with writing on it.....

_STOP INTERRUPTING ME DAMMIT!!!!_

I smirked. "Nah. It's too fun."

*

There wasn't a single person in the parking lot when we arrived at school.

"Oh crap, we're late!" I cried, running forward, then tripping.

"I _told _you you were slow." Edward muttered.

"And I told _you _to shut up."

He cleared his throat. "Ok. Well, I guess I'll see you....around."

I stared at the concrete, wishing he would just go already so I wouldn't blurt out what I was about to say...

Oh God, too late.

"Um....Edward?"

"Yes?"

His face when I said I hated him ran through my head......

"_No you don't! You don't. You're just mad._" He'd insisted, almost as if he was trying to reassure himself. "_You don't mean it...._"

"Edward......I'm really mad at you. But...." My eyes flashed up to meet his. "I don't hate you."

He smiled and I couldn't help smiling back. Maybe I'd been wrong not to listen to his explanation...

"I know. You could never hate me." He said smugly, walking in the other direction.

….The again, maybe not.

"I WAS KIDDING!" I yelled after him. "I _DO _HATE YOU! ALOT!"

I folded my arms as I watched him walk away. Then I turned to look at the Volvo.

A couple of little scratches couldn't hurt...right?

**Do you want Bella to...hurt...the Volvo? Let me know! REVIEW!**


	7. Before he cheats

**A/N: The results of the poll and my decision? No comment. You'll see soon enough..... :)**

**Previous Flashback....**

"_Turn around." He whispered, and somehow, I could actually move, and I did._

_His face was closer than I expected, our noses touched. _

_I didn't need to look up to check if there was any mistletoe above us._

_I just kissed him anyway._

2 years before the break-up

"_Admit it," Edward said, nudging me with his elbow. "You can't _wait_to find out what everyone at school thinks about us being together."_

_I shook my head fiercely. "I'm dreading it actually." My prediction was that Tanya was going to make my life a living hell as soon as I stepped foot in the school gates. Edward wasn't her 'official boyfriend' before, but I doubted that would matter to WWW._

"_You're worrying about Tanya?" he guessed._

"_Ok, how is it that you _always _seem toknow what I'm thinking?" I demanded._

_Edward shrugged. "I'm psychic? But you didn't answer the question. Are you afraid that Tanya's going to be jealous of you and I? Because I can talk to her...."_

_I grabbed his arm suddenly, probably not the smartest move, seeing as he was driving. "No! You can't! She'll lock you in her torturing cage and I'll never see you again!" I was only half joking.... _

_He kissed the top of my head. "You can just pick the lock with a hairpin and set me free."_

"_You know very well that I don't _own_ a hairpin." _

"_Borrow one from Alice." He suggested. "And quickly, because we're at school...now."_

_I squeaked, picturing Tanya's angry face. "Turn around, Edward! Take me to Disneyland instead!"_

"_I'm afraid of Mickey Mouse. It'd be hell on earth for me. Next idea?" He parked the car. I had to think fast._

"_Paris?"_

"_Croissants, they're such a weird shape. It creeps me out.."_

_I gulped. "Antarctica."_

"_You really want to go somewhere colder than _Forks_?"_

_I grimaced. "Uh.... Italy?"_

"_Pasta gives me a rash."_

"_No it doesn't!"_

_He pointed behind me. "Doesn't matter. It's too late anyway. WWW- I mean _Tanya_ is approaching...."_

_My mouth dropped open and I spun around too see that he was right. He was. Tanya was heading this way. "Crap!"_

_Edward coughed. It sounded more like a laugh to me, but I couldn't be sure._

_I took off my seatbelt. "Quickly! Let's go to class, before she sees us!" I whispered. "Edward?" I turned around. He wasn't in his seat. "Edward?"_

_Suddenly, my passenger door opened. "Too late." He stage whispered. "I think she already saw us."_

"_Ok, we're going to have to make a run for it. Don't do anything to draw attention to u-"_

"_OH BELLA!" He yelled. Some parking lot chatter stopped. "LET ME HELP YOU OUT OF THE CAR, MY SWEET, NEW GIRLFRIEND!"_

"_Are you trying to get me _killed_?!" I hissed. Now the talking had stopped altogether. "She's going to shoot me!"_

_I could see it now....._

_Me, tied to a chair, Tanya, aiming knives at me....and then throwing them._

_Ouch._

"_I LOVE YOU BELLA! YOU'RE THE ONLY GIRL FOR ME!"_

"_Shut the hell up, Edward! She's going to murder me!" I groaned. "She'll honestly kill me........"_

"_Aw! You're together? That's great! You make_ such_a cute couple!"_

…_...With kindness?_

_Edward's expression was as shocked as mine must've been. "Um...Thank you, Tanya."_

_I stood up hastily incase Tanya had an axe hidden in her Gucci purse and I had to run for my life. _

"_I totally knew you guys had something going on!" She pointed at me, then Edward (Just incase we couldn't figure out who she was talking about)._

"_Oh yes. We _have _got something going on." I blurted out. "We're together forever. Nothing could _ever _break us up. Ever. We'll probably get married soon. Thats how serious we are."_

_WWW and Edward looked at me with raised eyebrows._

_Tanya spoke first. "Um...yeah. Cool. I was actually wondering if I could-"_

"_My father's the police chief!" I interrupted her. "So if _someone_is planning to kill me, they'd better be very very carefu-"_

_Edward grabbed my arm and started to pull me away. "Nice talking to you Tanya. See you later..."_

"_...All I'm saying," I called, as we left a very confused WWW standing by the Volvo. "Is that I have connections!"_

_He pulled me into the first classroom we came across and slammed the door. "Obvious?"_

"_You can't say much! 'I love you Bella! You're the only girl for me'." I mimicked him. "What was _that_about?"_

_He ignored my question and grinned. "Since when are we getting married in the near future?"_

_I felt my face heating up. "I was babbling, ok? Don't be mean!"_

"_Aw," Edward wrapped his arms around my waist. "Sorry, sweetheart. You know I love you."_

"_And so does Tanya now!" I said happily. "Ok, maybe that's taking things a bit far....But I'm still alive! That means she isn't mad, right? She didn't try to kill me today**!**"_

"_Because," Edward muttered as he took my hand and lead me out of the classroom. "_You_have connections."_

Back to the present – The truck is now dead (may it rest in peace)

In the end, I decided I would wait for a while before I made my decision on whether or not to smash Edward's Volvo.

It all depended on how nice to me he was.

If he was pleasant – Vovly would live....for now.

But if he was...not – Revenge would be sweet. My truck would be smiling in his grave.

I was kinda hoping Edward would cry.....

*

"He did _what _to your car?" screeched Alice.

"Keep it down!" I hushed her, staring round the cafeteria, hoping that no-one had heard.

"He...he..he..."

"Pretty much killed it."

Her mouth was hanging open. "I. Can't. _Believe_. He. Did. That."

"I can fix it!" volunteered Rose suddenly. "Edward's far to stupid to have inflicted any _real_ damage on your truck."

I patted her hand. "Thanks for the offer, but you should see it. I'm pretty sure he used a chainsaw or something. Nothing can save it now."

"I'm going to kill him." growled Alice. "He's such a douche. This revenge thing has gone _way _to far."

"It's kind of my fault too." I mumbled. "I _did _play the Newton card yesterday."

She shook her head fiercely. "You had every right to! He's the one who started it! He's the one who....um..." She looked away awkwardly.

I sighed. "It's ok. You can say it. He cheated." Though I was wincing as I said the words.

"Exactly." said Alice. "So he's the one who should fix it. Not that you should forgive him or anything!"

I snorted. "Of course I'm not going to forgive him! It's _so_ over between us."

Suddenly, the table shook as Emmett slammed Jasper's arm onto the table. "I win!"

"Guys." Rose sighed.

"Can't live without them." Alice muttered.

"Can't live with them." I finished.

"Hello everyone!" Edward said enthusiastically, sitting down at the table.

I didn't look up, I continued to pick at my spaghetti. _He's in the wrong here, Bella, _I told myself, _don't even make the effort to say hello. _

"Hey gorgeous."

"Don't call me that, Cullen." I sighed, taking a mouthful and stealing a glance at my ex.

He looked confused. "Why not? You _are_."

I gave him a look. "Ex-boyfriends don't call their ex-girlfriends 'gorgeous'. It's not natural."

He choked on the apple he had just bitten into. "_Ex_?!"

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Yeah. Did you hit your head and forget the last two days or something, Cullen?"

"But...but..."

"But what?"

"This morning." He breathed. "We were so....nice to each other! I thought..."

"You thought what?" I demanded.

"That we were...that we'd..." His shoulders sagged and he looked away. "Never mind."

It took a few moments for me to put the pieces together. "Oh. My. God. You thought just because we were _pleasant _to each other that we'd gotten back TOGETHER?!"

"Maybe." he mumbled.

"You think it's that EASY?!" I screeched, not caring who was listening. He was such an insensitive jerk! "You thought.....HALF AN HOUR OF BRING NICE DOESN'T MEND A BROKEN HEART, EDWARD! GOD! ALICE IS RIGHT! YOU _ARE _A DOUCHE!"

And with that, I stood up and dumped my entire bowl of spaghetti over his head. "And I don't care if pasta gives you a rash." I spat, stalking out of the room.

There was a silence and then.....

"You called me a douche, Alice?"

*

I pressed play on my iPod. I couldn't just smash up my ex-boyfriends Volvo to no music, now, could I?

Carrie Underwood's _Before he cheats_ blasted through my headphones. It seemed appropriate.

I swung the baseball bat I had stolen from the gym a few minutes earlier around in my hands and headed for the silver car at the back of the parking lot.

This was going to be fun.

_Right now he's probably slow dancing  
With a bleached-blond tramp  
And she's probably getting frisky_

The bleached blond tramp bit was right. But slow dancing? In the middle of a cafetaria? Maybe not...

_Right now, he's probably buying  
Her some fruity little drink  
'Cause she can't shoot whiskey_

Or...you know, he was buying her a salad because she can't handle hamburgers. Whatever works.

I hummed along to the next few lines. I couldn't wait to see Edward's stupid little (insanely hot) face when he saw the Volvo.

_And he don't know....._

Here we go...

_I dug my key into the side  
Of his pretty little souped-up 4 wheel drive  
Carved my name into his leather seat_

I did exactly that. It wasn't like he would use my carved-in name as proof, could he? He'd done the exact same amount of car bashing as I had.

_I took a Louisville slugger to both head lights  
Slashed a hole in all 4 tires  
And maybe next time he'll think before he cheats_

Maybe next time he'll think before he assumes that I'm going to forgive him at the snap of a finger!

By the time Carrie singing the last bit of the song, the stupid, shiny silver car was well and truly.....dead. Not one window was left unsmashed.

"That was a nice little revenge plan!" A voice behind me exclaimed.

I tore my headphones out and spun around. "_I _thought so." Then I narrowed my eyes. Why wasn't Edward hysterical with rage or horror? _Why wasn't he crying?_

He chuckled. "Or should I say, it _would _have been the perfect plan....if you'd gotten _my _car instead of Mr Greene's."

I stared at him, open-mouthed for a second, then whirled around to check if I'd gotten the wrong car, if he was telling the truth.

He was.

God, I _really _should have paid better attention to _which _silver car I'd been attacking.

Why oh, why was I always so careless when I was angry?


	8. Taking the blame? Really?

_**Previously**_

_I stared at him, open-mouthed for a second, then whirled around to check if I'd gotten the wrong car, if he was telling the truth._

_He was._

_God, I really should have paid better attention to which silver car I'd been attacking._

_Why oh, why was I always so careless when I was angry?_

Edward was still smirking.

"Hmmm..." he said, starting to circle me. "I give you a seven point five for technique, but a three for accuracy for obvious reasons." he winked. "The again, I've gotta give you some extra points for your facial expression." Edward screwed up his face and gritted his teeth. "It looked a bit like that, but you do it better."

I squeezed my eyes shut and buried my head in my hands. "Shut up. Just shut up."

"Oh, and listening to music while you did it? Very creative, Swan. I liked that touch."

"I'm such an idiot." I whispered. "I'm gonna be in so much trouble."

"It'll be great." gushed Edward happily. Suddenly, the baseball bat was lifted from my hands. "Nice choice of weapon too. A crowbar would've been ideal, but a bat works too."

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?!"

Uh-oh. That was _not _the voice I wanted to hear right at that moment.

"Mr Greene." we muttered in unison.

The teacher, who was storming towards us, suddenly froze as he came closer and spotted his car. "W-W-Wh-" He went purple.

I tried desperately to think of a good excuse. A meteorite came and crashed into the car? No... What about....

And then it hit me. It was so obvious. Edward _had _to see it coming. He was holding the weapon for crying out loud!

"Edward did it." I blurted out.

His mouth dropped open.

Mr Greene stopped spluttering, his eyes narrowed as he saw what Edward was holding. "Mr. Cullen. Is. This. True?" he asked furiously.

"I-I-But-" he stammered. I raised my eyebrow and gave him a smug look, as if daring him to tell on me.

"Go on, Edward." I challenged. There was no way he was _actually _going to take the blame for it, I might as well have fun while I could. "Tell Mr Greene _exactly _what happened."

Edward sighed and stared at the bat in his hands for a moment.

Here it comes, I thought.

_'No, Mr Greene! I didn't total your car! It was Bella, sir! She meant to destroy _my _car, but in a fit of rage she got yours instead! I tried to stop her, sir! I truly did!'_

"I did it, Mr Greene."

Ok. Didn't see that one coming.

"Why?" the teacher spat. "WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know. I guess...I guess I did it because I thought that if I did, Bella might actually like me and think I was cool."

"And do you think Mr Cullen is 'cool', Miss Swan?" he asked dangerously, a vein in his forehead throbbing.

"Not at all, Mr Greene." I answered honestly, staring Edward straight in the eye. "In fact, I think Cullen is a self-centered low-life, who's sole purpose in life is to make other people unhappy."

Edward rolled his eyes. "Oh yeah, Bella. You've got me _all _figured out haven't you? I _live _to make other people miserable! Well done!"

Suddenly, in my mind, Mr Greene wasn't even there anymore. It was just me and Edward.

"No, you know what, Edward?" I stepped a step closer to him. "I _haven't _got you all figured out! I don't even KNOW you anymore!"

Mr Greene grunted. "I don't know what sort of personal issues you two have but-"

"I'm exactly the same person I was three days ago!" growled Edward, crossing his arms and stepping closer to me too. "You're just so set on believing that I cheated on you, that you can't see that!"

I narrowed my eyes. "That isn't true at _all _and you know it! The Edward _I _knew wouldn't have even _thought _about demolishing my truck because _he _knew how much it meant to me. The Edward _I _knew wouldn't have had to wake me up at all hours of the night just to make sure I hadn't slept with Newton!"

He threw his hands up in the air. "What was I supposed to do? I was lying in bed trying not to think about-"

"Cullen! Swan!" screamed Mr Greene. "Listen to me NOW!"

"I don't care what you were lying in bed thinking about!" I yelled. "The point is..." I trailed off. What was my point again? Oh right. "The point is that I'm not in love with you anymore, Cullen! I don't _like _you!"

"_BOTH_ OF YOU! IN MY OFFICE IN TEN MINUTES SHARP! SORT OUT YOUR SHIT AND BE THERE. _TEN MINUTES_! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

The sound of the retreating footsteps of a principal who didn't like to hear people talking about their feelings rang in the air.

That was about the moment I realised that Edward's face was _far _to close to mine, our foreheads were touching and.....I could feel his breath warming my cheeks.

I cleared my throat and moved away before I did something stupid."Yeah. I _don't _like you."

"I could've figured that one out on my own." he muttered bitterly, folding his arms.

There was an awkward silence.

Suddenly a wide grin spread across Edward's face. "Mr Greene swore."

I couldn't help smiling back. "I never thought I'd hear our principal say shit." Then I wiped the smile off my face. No smiling, laughing or joking with the enemy. "He wants you in his office. Now."

Edward shrugged, turned and walked in the opposite direction of our school.

I raised an eyebrow. "Where do you think _you're _going?"

Translation: Get your ass to the principals office right now so you can get into trouble and I can point and laugh at you.

"Ditching." he called over his shoulder.

"Wha...you can't just...YOU CAN'T JUST DITCH!" I spluttered. I was counting on him being expelled! How was he meant to be kicked out if he wasn't on the school grounds in the first place?

Edward spun around and smiled lazily. "Hey, by all means, go see Mr Greene. I do recall him saying that _both _of us were to be in his office. So go on. Go be a goody-good."

My mouth dropped open. "I am _not _a goody-good."

"You kind of are."

"FYI," I said, speaking in acronyms to appear cooler than I felt. "I _just _smashed a teachers car and then pinned the blame on someone else." Sure, I blamed it on Edward because I didn't want to get in trouble. But still.....It was partly for revenge.

"Oooo, what a bad girl." He snickered.

I gritted my teeth. "Well I'm sorry I'm not bad enough for you, _Cullen_." I spun around and headed in the direction of Mr Greene's office. I'd show him..... Maybe I'd even tell Mr Greene he was on drugs or something...

Who wanted to be bad anyway? Not me. Sitting at home with your Dad every Friday night was way more fun than partying.

Stupid Cullen. He was such a jerk. I was _glad _it was over with him. GLAD!

"Bella....".

"Don't talk to me." I spat.

A loud groan came from behind me. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean to call you names. You're fine. Just the way you are."

"Stop being sweet." I growled.

"Can't we just be friends?" For some reason, he sounded like he was in pain while saying this.

I snorted and sped up my walking.

I thought we'd made progress this morning!" he moaned.

I didn't bother turning around, but I stopped. "No, Cullen. _You _thought that we'd gotten back together. _You _thought that you could be all charming and nice and I'd just forgive you like that! NOT. GOING. TO. HAPPEN!"

"I'm sorry." He said in a soft voice. "That was very insensitive of me. Please forgive me?"

I unwillingly turned around to face him. His expression was just as sorry as his words. "Forgive you for calling me names and being a douche or for cheating on me with Tanya?" I choked on the last word.

"Well...." he stared me straight in the eye, my legs felt a little weak. "...Since I never technically cheated on you-"

Now was the time to do something _extremely _immature. I stuck my fingers in my ears. "LA LA LA LA LA!" Was he trying to make me forgive him or not?

Suddenly, the head of a certain principal popped out of one of the two story windows."What's all the commotio-" His eyes narrowed when he saw us. "IT'S BEEN MORE THAN TEN MINUTES!"

Edward glanced at me and mouthed, "Run."

So I did.

Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the passenger seat of Edward's Volvo.

How I got there?

I had no idea.

**Oooooo. Scandalous. **

**Ha ha. Ok everyone! Listen up, I have a question for you all!**

**You know how Bella couldn't come up with an excuse to feed to Mr Greene?**

**Well **_**I **_**want to know what **_**your **_**excuse would've been!**

**Personally, mine involved a herd of llamas attacking the car, but that's just me....**


	9. My Humps

**So...I think that this may possibly be my last flashback for a while (I've found I only realy feel the need to do flashbacks if they relate to the present day part of the story eg: This flashback.)**

**And then I'll start doing them again when the time comes to reveal what happened to make them break up. **

**Enjoy! (Probably not my best work as I'm pretty dang tired at the moment. Bear with me please!)**

One year earlier

'Will will skate to one song, and one song only."_ the guy on the movie said._ "My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas. 'Watcha gonna do with all that junk, all that j-"

"_GAH!" Edward tore his arms from my waist suddenly and hit pause. _

_I swiveled around on his waist and raised an eyebrow. "Why'd you stop the movie?"_

_He scowled. "Hate that song. I swear, it's the most irritating piece of music ever."_

"_So? Fast forward it."_

_Edward shook his head and wrapped his arms around me again. "I'd rather talk to you anyway." he said, leaning down to kiss me._

_Usually, I would never reject a kiss from Edward, but I was actually getting into _Blades of Glory_ and I wanted to find out what happened, so I pressed a finger to his lips. "We rented a movie, now we're going to watch it."_

"_They 'ecome fwends ad win da 'ompetition." he mumbled against my finger._

"_Oh come on, now you've just spoiled the ending!"_

_He grabbed my wrist and lowered it from his mouth. "Then you don't need to watch it and find out what happens now, do you?"_

_I crossed my arms and scowled at him while he mimicked me exactly._

"_That song isn't that annoying." I said after a while. _

"_Oh yeah? Name one song that's more irritating than Fergie going on about her 'humps'." he shuddered._

_I thought for a moment. "Give me two seconds." I ordered before bounding up the stairs._

_10 minutes later, I was sitting at my computer desk, typing into Google "Most annoying songs of all time". _

"_What are you doing?" He shouted from downstairs._

_I ignored him."Barbie Girl by Aqua!" _

"_Why'd you have to go upstairs to answer me?" he called back._

"_The random Llama song from YouTube!" I yelled._

"_That's not annoying! It's a classic!"_

_I tried again. "That one by Axel F, 'Crazy frog'."_

"_Don't call me that!" footsteps echoed from the stairs._

"_Crap." I muttered, desperately to shut down the ancient machine, but it was too late._

_His eyes widened. "You used the computer!" he accused. "That's cheating!"_

"_There were no rules."_

_Edward ran over to me and picked me up. "Cheater." he murmured, kissing my temple and throwing me roughly back onto my bed._

Same day as The Mr Greene Incident

Edward hand visibly tightened around the steering wheel. This was my cue to turn the radio up.

"WHAT YOU GONNA DO WITH ALL THAT JUNK? ALL THAT JUNK INSIDE YOUR TRUNK? I'MA GET, GET, GET, GET YOU DRUNK..." I screamed along.

I was suddenly thrown forward as Edward slammed on the breaks.

"What's wrong, Cullen?" I yelled over the music. "Don't like the song?"

He grimaced. "No, no. I _love _this song. I especially love the irritatingly repetitive lyrics and the-"

"Hey, buddy, I'm not the one who picked it. The _radio _did." I was just very very lucky he flicked into this particular station. I'd immediately made him stay on it, insisting that it was my favourite song _ever_.

Edward just glared at me. "Are you trying to kill me?"

I shrugged. "Maybe."

He was silent for a moment, then turned the radio off altogether. "I have a proposal."

"If you're going to ask me to marry you, I don't accept." I teased. "We've already been down that road."

He scowled. "We were five and the rings were _onion rings_!"

"You totally only wanted me for my toys."

"I'm not admitting anything."

I stopped mid-laugh, internally scolding myself for, once again, forgetting how mad I was with him. It was just too easy for me to slip out of my bitter-mode and go back to being with Edward as I had before 'the incident'. I kept having to remind myself that Edward was no longer my boyfriend/best friend/sometimes therapist/the person I loved more than anyone else in the world. Because he _wasn't _any of those things to me anymore, and as much as I wished I could erase the past few days and go back to how it was before he'd cheated, I simply couldn't.

"Your proposal?" I asked coldly, turning to face out the window.

"Why don't we go for a walk?"

"That's it?" I asked skeptically.

"No, I was thinking, I could _tell _you what my proposal is _on _the walk." he explained as if he was talking to a toddler.

"I'm quite comfortable in the car to be honest." I sniffed, even though with the heat going, it was getting a bit stuffy.

"That's good, because you'll be staying in it forever if you don't come on a walk with me..."

"Ugh." I yanked the door open. "You're so _pushy_."

"I know." he said brightly, following me into the trees.

I walked about ten metres then stopped, leaning against a tree. "Well?"

"That wasn't much of a walk." Edward protested.

"You never said it had to be long. Now, talk."

He glared at me, then sighed. "Look, Bella, I know you hate me right now, and I also know from experience that if I even _try _to explain myself you'll bite my head off."

"Literally." I muttered.

He ignored me. "So I'm not going to try to get you to listen anymore, because quite frankly, I'm sick of your stubborn bitchiness every time I _do _try. So what I'm proposing is that we go back to being what we were two years ago, friends."

We were both silent for a moment, staring each other down.

"If you think I'd want be your friend again after all you've done to me these past few days," I spat. "Then you're mistaken."

"I'm sorry about the whole destroying-your-truck thing." he said desperately. "That was such a stupid thing to do and I'm _sorry_. I don't know what else I can do to make it better, seeing as you won't let me buy you a new one. I thought taking the blame for you smashing Mr Greene's car might make you forgive me a _little_."

"Well it didn't." I muttered, even though at the time I _had _felt a bit of warmness towards him. "Nothing you do will ever make me forgive you."

He surprised me by yelling. "WELL FINE! I GUESS WE SHOULD BOTH JUST GO BACK TO HATING EACH OTHER, RIGHT?"

I swallowed. "I guess we should."

"Great."

"Fine."

**(A/N: Aaaand...this is where Edward and Bella act like five year olds.)**

I slumped down onto the ground and stared at him. "I hate you."

He sat on the forest floor as well. "I hate you too."

"I hated you first." I said immaturely.

"I hated you before you were even born."

"That's impossible."

"That's my level of hatred."

"I hate you." I repeated, trying to convince myself, more than him.

"You already said that."

"Well, I'm saying it twice."

"Do you really think I'm frigid?" I blurted out.

He gave me strange look. "What?"

"You told Mike I was frigid." I reminded him. "Do you really think that?"

He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. "Yes?" It came out sounding like a question.

Like getting into Edward's Volvo earlier, I don't even know how it happened.

All I remember was thinking before it, _I'll show him I'm not frigid...._

Yeah. There's something wrong with my brain.

**For those of you who don't know what frigid is....**

**1. **Extremely cold.

**2. **Lacking warmth of feeling.

**3. **Stiff and formal in manner: a frigid refusal to a request.

**4. **Persistently averse to sex.

**Cough. I have no comment. You'll just have to guess which one they're talking about. Hmmm...I wonder who'll guess right....*smirks***


	10. Strike

**Hi Everyone,**

**As you might already be aware, an author on fanfiction named **_**WillBellaPleaseJustDIEAlready, **_**has copied TWO of my stories on her page (**_**Revenge is Sweeter **_**and **_**I Feel Like I Already Know You**_**). This is the first time I've had this problem, so I figured I'd PM her and nicely ask if she'd take them down.**

**She didn't.**

**She Pmed back saying that "She wouldn't take them down because her versions are better than my versions".**

**Now, I don't want to report her, 'cause I think It'd be a bit extreme (not to mention scary!) to involve the Fanfiction Team, so I figured I'd do this....**

**I'm asking YOU GUYS to all gang up on her. PM her telling her to take them down and maybe she'll do so. I think that if all my readers sent her messages, she'd have no choice but to take them down.**

**Until then, my stories are all on hold (AKA, I'm on strike). So the sooner you force her to take them down, the sooner I will update.**

**I'm sorry it had to come to this, guys.**

**PLEASE HELP ME!**

**-Lauren.**

**(MyboyfriendEdwardsparkles)**

**PS: Reminder....GO! PM HER NOW! FLY! BE PUSHY!**


	11. Keeping Score

**GUYS! Oh my goodness, I was almost CRYING when I read all your messages of support. Not only did I get a couple of hundred reviews/PM's on MY ACCOUNT, but I read all the reviews you left on WillBellaPleaseJustDIEAlready's 'stories' and I was blown away. Thank you SO MUCH! Honestly, if I could fly around the world and hug each and every one of you, I WOULD! **

**So, anyway, this is my conclusion: You guys don't deserve to be punished for what she's done wrong, so I'm coming of my strike and updating ALL of my stories at some point during the day. She hasn't taken any of her copied stories down yet, but I've reported her so hopefully they'll be down soon.**

**Once again, thanks for all your support....and enjoy the chapter! X**

**Previously....**

"_You told Mike I was frigid." I reminded him. "Do you really think that?"_

_He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it again. "Yes?" It came out sounding like a question._

_Like getting into Edward's Volvo earlier, I don't even know how it happened._

_All I remember was thinking before it, I'll show him I'm not frigid...._

_Yeah. There's something wrong with my brain._

Before I even knew what I was doing, I was ontop of him, leaning down to whisper in his ear.

"I'm going to prove you wrong."

His eyes widened as I ran my hands through his hair. "What are you doing?"

Without warning, I leant down and crushed his lips with mine, my breathing becoming unsteady. I told myself that the excited shiver running through my body _wasn't _because of the kiss. It was because....I was because....Ugh.

My eyes remained open so I could gauge his reaction to the unexpected turn the situation had taken. So far, his body remained unresponsive, arms lying limply by his side, lips not moving with mine.

But he apparently changed his mind.

Sowly, cautioning me with his eyes, his arms hesitantly wrapped around my waist.

And then I struck.

My hands, as quick as a flash, whipped down to one of his arms. I twisted the skin as hard and fast as I could.

Chinese burn.

Answer:**1. Extremely cold.**

"Shit." Edward cried, rolling out from under me and gripping the top of his arm that was slowly going red. Oh yeah. I might be small, but I give one hell of a Chinese burn. "What was _that_?"

"Frigid has more than one definition you know. It can also mean someone who's literally very cold." I explained with a grin. "You can't get much hotter than a burn, can ya?"

Yes, it was immature.

Yes, I was an idiot.

Yes, I should've just walked away and found a new boyfriend instead of all...this.

Yes, it was stupid to physically hurt someone as payback. But he deserved it.

Jackass.

Edward rolled his eyes.

"You really thought I was going to have sex with someone like _you _on a forest floor?" I laughed coldly. "Please."

"What do you mean 'someone like me'?" he muttered, staring at the ground, his face slowly growing redder and redder.

"Oh you know, asshole, dick, loser, low-life." I shrugged. "Take your pick, I don't mind."

There was an eerie silence throughout the forest as I stared at Edward and he continued to avoid my gaze.

"So....Does this mean we're officially over?" he asked suddenly.

Hmmm...those sticks and pine-needles sure must be interesting to glare at.

"We always _were_." I said as if I was talking to a two year old. "We have been for the past three days. Haven't you figured that one out yet, Cullen?"

He ignored my question, but his eyes finally flashed to mine. "There's no chance we'll ever get back together."

"How desperate do you think I _am_? You _cheated on me_!"

"That brings me to my next question: You're never going to let me explain that, are you?"

I rolled my eyes. "What is there to explain? I _saw _you! I walked in on you-" I shook my head. "Whatever. In answer to your question, no. No I will not."

"And you hate me?"

I made a face. "Hate is a very strong....." his face lit up. "...accurate word."

Where _did _I learn to be such a bitch? I was kind of proud of myself for giving Edward what he deserved.

Hmmm...Maybe I should take classes at the community center. "_How to break _your _unfaithful ex-boyfriend's heart in three easy steps"_.....

His expression was stony as he asked the next question. "And there's no chance we can just go back to being friends, like we were before we started going out?"

I winced involuntarily images of Edward and I as 'friends' flashing across my mind. How stupid was that? Thinking we could go back to what we had had before, it was ridiculous! How would I be able to endure all the coming years of awkward conversations? How would I be able to stand by and watch him go through girlfriend after girlfriend after girlfriend and then one day, get married and have children as his _friend_? I _couldn't_.

"No chance." I muttered. "I don't even think we should hang out in the same group of friends anymore. Why don't you just go join up with Tanya and her little friends?"

Edward visibly shuddered, shooting daggers at me. "You can't ask me to do that. Alice, Rose, Jasper and Emmett are _my _friends too."

I shrugged. "Then I guess they'll just have to choose between us."

"That's not fair, Bel- _Swan_."

"Life isn't fair."

"This isn't their fight." he pointed out. "It's ours. And it isn't nice to try and make them choose sides."

"Scared they'll all pick me?" I sneered.

"Not at all, but as much as I dislike you, I'd hate for_ you_ to have no friends after they all ditch you."

I rolled my eyes. "We'll see about that."

"Hmmm..." Edward started circling me with a thoughtful expression. I shifted awkwardly, uncomfortable under his gaze. "Does this mean the war is back on?"

I lifted my head. "War?"

"Oh you know, the revenge war. Me waking you up in the middle of the night..... you pulling your 'Newton Stunt'.... me smashing your truck....You throwing up on me...me suggesting blood typing to Mr Banner in Biology..." he smiled suddenly. "Edward: 3. Bella:2. I'm in the lead."

I glared at him. He was keeping _score_? How immature could you _get_?

Then I remembered the Chinese burn thing, and a little story about a pot calling a kettle black....

"You're forgetting about how I practically beat you up in the school parking lot infront of everyone three days ago." I reminded him smugly.

"And _you're _forgetting that on that same day, I forced you into stripping _and_ revealed your creepy boxer fetish to the student body." He said without missing a beat. "So that makes me still in the lead."

Huh. So this was all a game to him. And apparently he was playing dirty.

Well then. _I _was playing _filthy_.

….Just as soon as I came up with a game-plan.

I strode up to him and stood on my tippy toes so I was getting all up in his face.

He raised an eyebrow but made no move to move away, seeming perfectly at ease with the fact that our lips were about a hundredth of an inch apart.

"I'm gonna make you wish you were dead." I informed him sweetly.

We were both silent for a moment, staring each other down, the only sound was that of our breathing. My heart was pounding in my chest.

"Edward: 5. Bella: 3." he whispered suddenly.

"You gave yourself an extra point." I blurted out, still unmoving from my position.

"No, I _earned _another point." He explained calmly. "For doing this...."

And then he was gone. I whirled around, only to find him sprinting towards the road where his Volvo was parked.

"Where are you go-" I paused, suddenly clicking.

I didn't have a way of contacting anyone.

I didn't know which was town was.

I was smack bang in the middle of nowhere,

_And I'd just pissed off my only way home_.

**He he. Please review so I can love fanfiction again! Lol. xxx**


	12. God's Master Plan

**I KNOW! I haven't updated in AAAGES! But.......I'm sorry? Friends again? Yay.**

_**Three days earlier **_

_As Edward squeezed my hand under the desk, I couldn't help but marvel (for about the millionth time in the past two years) about how incredibly lucky I was. Here I was, holding hands with the most perfect man on the planet earth, my best friend, my boyfriend, Edward Cullen. I'd never been happier in my life._

_In fact, it almost felt like it was too good to be true. Surely something was going to have to happen soon, right? Something bad? Surely God or whoever decided what paths our lives went on would look down at his master plan, snap his fingers and go "Right, that Swan girl, she's had her lifetimes happiness used up. Time for something to happen to her...."_

_Then his right hand man (Robin? Oh no, wait, I'm confusing God with Batman, never mind) would look at the list of bad things that could happen to people during the course of their life and say, "Alright....How about we give her a terminal illness?"_

_To which God would groan and reply, "Ugh, but we've been handing out so many of those at the moment. Next?"_

_Robin....ahem, I mean Fabio (What? That's an appropriate name for God's little helper right?) would scan the list again. "Death of a loved one?"_

_God would screw up his nose and shake his head._

_Fabio would sigh. "Ok, Big Fella, how about you pick a number between seventeen million, six thousand and seventy three and I'll say the name of the misfortune that number is."_

"_Hmmm..." God would stroke his beard (does God have a beard?). "Ok then, Fabio. I pick.....one thousand and twenty."_

_Fabio would grin. "Excellent choice, oh almighty one. Bella Swan is now going to.....spend the remainder of her life working in a sewage pond."_

_God would nod happily and wave his magic stick (Wait, once again I'm confusing him with a fictional character. No, Bella, God is **not** Harry Potter...) and make it happen._

_Then he'd turn back to Fabio. "Right, time to choose for this Taylor Swift girl." he'd make a face. "Not only has her album just gone platinum, but she's constantly singing about love stories and being fifteen..." he'd shudder. "Some unhappiness is definitely due there."_

_To which Fabio would reply-_

"_What are you thinking about, Bella?"_

_I looked up, startled to hear Edward's whispered voice and blinked at him. _

"_Ummm...." No way was I telling him the truth. (I really shouldn't let myself get so bored in French class. It makes me have the strangest daydreams....God and his assistant Fabio? Really, Bella?) "Nothing?"_

_Edward raised an eyebrow. "You were very deep in thought. Is something bothering y-"_

"_Mr Cullen." Mr Chiron said, stopping mid-sentence to address Edward sternly. (Although his pronunciation of "Cullen"in his thick French accent sounded like "Culluuuurn" which always made me giggle just a little bit. God I was immature...) "Why are you not paying attention?"_

_Edward looked up from my face and smiled pleasantly at the teacher. "Of course, sir. Always."_

_Always the charmer. Too bad Mr Chiron was male. Any woman teacher would've been putty in his hands by now...._

"_Then would repeat what I was just saying, s'il vous plait?" he asked irritably._

_The entire class swiveled in their seats to watch the show._

"_Of course, Mr Chiron." he cleared his throat and I started to panic. He was going to bluff his way out of this? "You were telling us about the approaching school trip and you were about to assign us into pairs for our assignment."_

**_The teacher glared at him and muttered something in French under his breath. "Anyway..."_**

**"_Nice save." I hissed, astounded, as usual at his ability to concentrate perfectly on two things at once._**

**_Edward flashed me a quick grin and turned his attention back to the teacher._**

**"_I am assigning you alphabetically according to your last names." Chiron explained, reading from _****_the roll book. "So you will be partnered as follows: Travis Aitkin and Kate Bell."_**

**_I silently cursed the letter 'S'. Why was it so freakin insistent on being so far away from 'C'?_**

**"_Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali. Joseph Etelin and....."_**

**_The guy who arranged the alphabet?_**

**_Yeah, officially top of my hate list._**

**Three Days Later (AKA the present)**

**And then he was gone. I whirled around, only to find him sprinting towards the road where his Volvo was parked.**

**Previously....**

"_Where are you go-" I paused, suddenly clicking._

_I didn't have a way of contacting anyone._

_I didn't know which was town was._

_I was smack bang in the middle of nowhere,_

_And I'd just pissed off my only way home_

I glared at the tree that stood about five feet away where I was sitting. It was mocking me.

I could feel it.

I glared at the trunk, then sighed and curled up amongst the pine needles on the forest floor, letting the tree win the little staring contest we'd been having. How long had it been now? An hour? Two? It felt like more but I couldn't be sure as I was almost positive I'd started going crazy.

After all, I'd just been having a staring contest with a tree.

How long would it be until a bear ate me and put me out of my misery? Or maybe it would be a deer, I'd heard they could get kind of vicious...

Or MAYBE I'd get adopted by a pack of wolves, and they'd raise me as their own in the woods...I'd learn to fend for myself and if the pack ever had another litter of puppies and one of them was retarded or exceedingly ugly, I'd name it Edward and-

"For your information, I did a quiz on the internet titled "Are You Ugly?" and I got 0% so I disagree with your 'exceedingly ugly' comment." I sat up and shuffled around on the forest floor to see who the voice belonged to. Like I even needed to check. "As for the 'retarded' remark." he shrugged. "If you've seen my exam results you'd agree that that's debatable"

There was a long, drawn out silence which I broke first. "Go. Away."

Edward sighed and glanced at his watch while speaking to me. "I'm sorry for leaving you in the forest, I was stupid, blah blah blah, you know the rest." he looked up. "Ok, lets go."

"YOU'RE SUCH A PRICK." I screamed.

"Prick, asshole, jerk, idiot. I've heard it all, Bella. Can we go now? I'm getting cold."

"You think YOU'RE cold?" I fumed, scrambling to get up. "I've been sitting in the freezing cold and the wet for two hours trying to figure out ways I could write my will in some form or another on a tree trunk!"

He blinked. "Actually, it's only been forty-five minutes. I've been sitting around the corner in my car timing it." he suddenly shrugged out of his jacket and held it out to me. "Put it on. If you die of hypothermia when you're with me, Charlie'll shoot me."

I stood, dithering for a moment, utterly bewildered with the boy that stood in front of me. What was with him? Was he bipolar or something? A few hours ago (or forty five minutes according to the smug one with a watch) he'd been all over me. _Now _he was being a complete and utter dick!

I'd never seen this side of Edward, not in all the time I'd known him. It was like over the last few days, an entirely different person had taken over Edward's body. One that was no longer sweet, kind and caring. But one that was sarcastic, mean and cold.

On the bright side, I thought, I no longer had to deal with him. It was obvious now more than ever that 'Edward and Bella' were no more. Now it was just 'Edward' and 'Bella'.

Two apostrophes could make such a difference.

I snatched the jacket out of his hand without a word of thanks (What? Like he _deserved _thanks. The guy had left me alone in a forest for God's sake!) and stalked away.

"Where are you going?" his voice came from closer than I had expected, damn those guys and their extra fast walking abilities.

"To your car so you can SILENTLY drive me home." I replied grumpily, shrugging into the jacket. I should have known not to try to walk and put on a garment of clothing _at the same time_. Not with _my _co-ordination.

I could practically hear his eyes rolling. "You're going to wrong way."

I spun around and stormed in the opposite direction, not glancing at him.

"Still not the right way." he said calmly, sounding amused. "Seriously, Bella. How about you let _me _do the navigating? You know _you _practically need a map to find your way around your own bedroom." He placed his hand on my shoulder and gently shoved me in what apparently was the 'right' direction.

Eventually I saw a streak of silver between the thick trees so, muttering profanities all the way, I reached the car.

Edward unlocked the car and held my door open with a smirk. "In you get."

"With you holding it open for me?" I snorted, "Hell no."

"Did you just snort?"

I glared at him. "Just get out of the way so I can get into the car, Cullen."

"Snorting isn't attractive....Swan." Edward so _kindly _informed me with a 'sweet as sugar' smile. "Pigs snort."

"You sound like a five year old." I grumbled. "Stop being an ass and let me get in your car myself."

He rolled his eyes and slammed the door shut. "Just trying to be a gentleman." he muttered, walking over to his side of the door.

I shook my head. "You? A gentleman? Right." He _used _to be one. Not anymore apparently.

When we were both inside and Edward had started up the engine I decided that I was going to have to lay down the ground rules for this car trip if either of us were going to make it out alive. There was really only one major one.

"Don't talk to me."

"Wasn't planning on it." was his response.

I swallowed at the hostility in his voice. What was with these mood swings? One minute he was coming onto me, the next he was teasing me about snorting like a pig and the _next _he was acting like I was Adolf Hitler re-incarnated!

PMS was, of course, the only reasonable explanation.

He didn't turn the radio on, so we sat for what seemed like hours in stony silence. The only sound was that of the drizzling rain that had just started up, pattering on the Volvo's windscreen.

Finally, he pulled up outside my house. I hesitated, with my hand on the door handle, wondering whether to say goodbye or just leave in silence.

"Thanks for the ride?" I said in almost a whisper.

Edward nodded, staring out the window.

I opened the door and put one leg out of the car.

"Bella?"

I whirled around awkwardly, and was startled to find that Edward's face was mere inches from mine.

Not that I found the closeness at all _pleasant _or anything. It was just a surprise.

That's it.

"Yeah?" I replied dumbly, swallowing hard.

"I'm still in the lead."

"What?"

He winked and lightly but firmly pushed me out of the car and into the now bucketing down rain.

The engine started back up again. "Edward: 5. Bella: 3." he called out the window. Then he gave a annoying little wave and drove away.

"ARGH!" I screamed, spinning around, slipping in the mud (of course) and storming towards my front door.

I had to get him back. If there was a war on, there was no _way _I was letting_ him_ win.

I went over every prank known to man-kind I my head as I walked, dripping wet, inside.

Glue and chicken feathers? Plastic wrap over the toilet? Pie in the face? None very original.

Suddenly, I realised I was far to warm for a girl who'd just been soaked head to toe. I was still wearing Edward's jacket.

Great, I thought, sighing and plopping down onto th e couch. I'd was actually going to have to _talk _to him tomorrow and return it to him. Maybe even say _thank you. _Ew.

I stuck my hands in the pockets of the jacket, hoping to find drugs, a gun, or at least something I could use against him in a court of law....

And then I came across something cold. Hard. Square.

I pulled it out and studied it. A slow smile spread over my face.

I'd just found Edward Cullen's cellphone.

I quickly flipped it open and started to dial....

**Once again, I apologize for not updating sooner! And I have an announcement....YOU WILL FIND OUT WHY THEY BROKE UP NEXT CHAPTER! Wooohoooo!**


	13. Anaconda

**Heeeey! It's FINALLY here! All is about to be revealed!**

**This chapter is dedicated to one of my closest friends....Ahem.... "Finchinator" she's recently discovered fanfiction and was bugging me (more like threatening me with DEATH actually) to update all last week at school. THIS ONE'S FOR YOU!**

**Also, this chapter is LONGER than all the rest of them as a special early Christmas treat for you all. MERRY CHRISTMAS! xo**

**Flashback: 3 days earlier**

**Previous flashback....**

"_Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali. Joseph Etelin and....."_

_The guy who arranged the alphabet?_

_Yeah, officially top of my hate list._

*

"_.....and then I was like, 'Dude, you work at a fast food joint, like I'm gonna go out in public with you!'. And he was like...."_

"_Jessica," I interrupted her for the seventh time that afternoon. "once again, I really don't see how your dating has anything to do with our project."_

_If Mr Chiron wasn't a teacher, I swear I would've ripped his eyeballs out for putting Jessica Stanley and I as partners. Just because our last names started with the same letter, didn't mean this kind of torture was justified!_

_Jessica blinked for a moment, seeming to slowly absorb my words. After about ten seconds a shocked expression swept across her face. Here we go.... "What? My love life has EVERYTHING to do with the project!"_

"_How exactly?" I mumbled, tapping my pencil against the desk. Dammit, I thought suddenly, why the hell did I ask her a question? Now she's going to go and talk, and my brain will probably explode....._

_This really wasn't my preferred way of spending the remaining two periods of the school day. But Mr Chrion had given us this time off to work on the French assignment with our partners, so instead of whispering with Edward through history and passing notes during Spanish, I was stuck in the library with a bimbo who refused to stop discussing the pros and cons of liposuction until I bribed her to shut up with a candy bar._

_Ironic? Yes!_

"_Well," she flipped her hair over her shoulder. "love is chemical, right? Like....two andoms that attract each other....?"_

"_Atoms." I sighed. "They're called atoms, but-"_

"_Anyway," she continued, chewing her gum loudly . "atoms, chemicals, that's all biology stuff."_

"_So?"_

"_So it's totally related to the work!" she gestured to the books we (well, I ) were working from and grinned triumphantly._

_I rolled my eyes. "That's excellent, Jess. Except we're doing French!"_

_She stared at me for about a minute. Then.... "Ohhhh!"  
I resisted the urge to shake her and went back to the work, occasionally checking to clock to see when I would be set free from this hell hole._

_We were doing some 'mapping of Paris' exercise instead of the usual vocabulary stuff. Apparently this was what Mr Chiron considered 'preparation' for the trip in a few weeks time._

_Oh yeah, did I mention we were going to Paris?_

_Don't even ask me how we got enough funding to afford even the bus to the airport, but apparently we did. (Mr Chiron claims that the Board of Trustees was feeling generous and used the money set aside for the science block rebuild on us, but my theory is that the last minute generosity of the school had something to do with the sightings of Mr C emerging from Mr Greene's office looking extremely flushed.....)_

_And so, in two weeks, Forks High's junior French class was going to Paris (voila!) And I was going to spend every waking moment of it with Edward. Paris, after all, was the most romantic city in the world._

_How, you ask, was I going to spend quality time with the most amazing boy in the universe when we were on a school trip? _

_Ah, but it was all too easy!_

_We were going to be in pairs for most of the time spent over there, doing some activity around the city that Mr Chiron had arranged. Apparently it was like a scavenger hunt or something, only with famous Paris landmarks. (yeah, so basically we were going to be pretty much left alone to wander around the capital of a country with the fourth highest crime rate in the world. Great, Mr C, really responsible.) We'd paired up prior to the trip so we knew who we'd be spending almost all of our time with and get to know if either of us had any allergies, etc. _

_This time, there was NO stupid alphabetical partnering system, so I'd picked Edward. Obviously._

"_...so why didn't he just take me out to like, a proper restaurant or something? I just don't get it. I mean, he said-"_

_There she was. Talking about her romantic struggles....again!_

"_Jessica," I tried to speak calmly. "please shut up."_

_It took her a surprisingly short time to figure out what I meant. Only three minutes._

"_Oh," she laughed then snorted. "you want me to be quiet?"_

_I nodded silently._

"_Ok." she smiled. "I get it, I bet you're sick of me talking about my love life, right? I mean, you've obviously got problems with your own that you desperately need to let out. So go right ahead."_

"_I don't have any problems with my love life." I shot back. "Can you just help me with the work? We need to get finished so-"_

"_You must feel terrible." Jessica examined a piece of her hair. "I mean, just knowing that somewhere, down the hall, a girl way prettier than you is seducing your boyfriend....doesn't that just eat you up inside?"_

_I paused for a few moments, ignoring the whole prettier-than-you jab and desperately trying not to let images of Edward and Tanya flood into my mind. It had been threatening to happen the entire afternoon since they'd been paired together and I wasn't about to let it happen now._

"_I have absolutely no reason to be concerned about Tanya and Edward." I blurted out talking was faster than usual. "Edward is a very loyal person and he would never cheat on me that way. Besides, Tanya hasn't expressed a romantic feelings towards him for at least two years and she has absolutely no reason to start now, does she?" I'd been repeating that in my mind for the past hour and it had done an effective enough job of keeping my worries at bay, but now that I said it out loud....well, it didn't sound very convincing._

_Jessica shrugged. "Maybe she was just waiting for the right moment to pounce." she suggested casually._

_I dropped the pen onto the table. My heart sped up."You really think that?"_

_Wait, why was listening to Jessica Stanley? _

_Oh right, because I'm Bella, the insecure idiot._

_Jess nodded, eyes bright. "I'll bet they're making out right now...."_

_I took a deep breath, composed myself and glared at Jessica. "And now Edward's pushing her off...."_

_Jessica laughed. "Yeah right! Honey, Tanya Denali has moves you can't even imagine! Cullen will be lucky if he gets out of there alive! And if he does," she looked me up and down. "He'll drop you like a curling iron when I grab the wrong end, now that he's had a taste of Her."_

"_Edward isn't like that." I assured her confidently. "And Tanya's annoyed him ever since they first met. He'd never go there."_

"_Yes Bella," the little voice in my head said, "denial is good!"_

_It wasn't that I didn't trust Edward, because I did. It was just that I'd seen what Tanya did to guys. Basically one day they would be normal. Cool, normal guys. Then the next they'd be trailing around after Miss Denali like puppy-dogs. No one knew what happened to them. So maybe my theory from all those years back was true. Maybe Tanya _was_ a witch (Possible. Unlikely, but possible.) But whatever she was, and whatever she did that made guys go crazy over her, I wasn't letting happen to Edward._

"_Maybe you should go check on them." suggested Jessica enthusiastically._

"_Fine." I agreed too quickly. "But only to prove to you that Edward's a faithful guy." I stood up and scraped my chair back._

_Jessica stood up to follow me, pulling out her cellphone and dialing frantically. _

"_Come on," I called yanking the door open. I didn't need to be nervous. Edward would never do anything like...like cheat on me. No way. I would walk down to where the two of them would be studying and peek through the window. There I would see them hard at work on their project. Perhaps Tanya would put her hand on Edward's shoulder, trying to flirt a little, but he would shake it off irritably. Then, his eyes would flash up and he'd see me. He'd smile, wave and mouth 'I love you' and I would walk away feeling giddy and happy._

_That was what was going to happen, despite what Jessica Stanley thought._

_Speaking of her... "The sparrow is flying. I repeat, the sparrow is flying." she was hissing into her cellphone._

_I gave her a strange look. "What are you doing?"_

_She ignored me, apparently too caught up in her conversation about...sparrows...to notice me. "You came up with it, T-.....Yeah, ok, sorry....bye." she snapped the phone shut, muttered something about fleas and smirked at me. "Lets go see what you're 'faithful boyfriend' is up to."_

_I sniffed and stalked out of the door. "He's studying, of course."_

_We tiptoed out of our study room and past the librarian, though it was kinda hard to be sneaky when Jessica kept snapping her gum really loudly. Eventually, however, me managed to locate the room where Edward and Tanya (who is NOT a witch, I reminded myself sternly.) were studying._

"_Go on." Jessica gestured to the door. "Look."_

_I hesitated for a moment. Then, very slowly, with only the slightest hint of unnecessary butterflies in the pit of my stomach, I looked through the square of glass and into the room._

_I stared, speechless, for what couldn't have been more than two seconds, yet the images, I knew, would be burned in my mind for as long as I could think. _

_Then my eyes snapped shut, an unsuccessful attempt to prevent the tears sliding out from under my eyelids and down my cheeks._

_I blindly pushed past a snickering Jessica and stumbled/ran out of the library._

_Tanya had been on top of Edward. That was the PG way of putting it. If you need more description, go watch Animal Planet. Watch a documentary on anacondas and how they wrap themselves around their pray. That was possessive way she was wrapped around Edward._

_Except when an anaconda preys on something, the victim doesn't usually put their hands up the anaconda's shirt._

_And that was exactly what he was doing. _

Present

Previously.....

_And then I came across something cold. Hard. Square._

_I pulled it out and studied it. A slow smile spread over my face._

_I'd just found Edward Cullen's cellphone._

_I quickly flipped it open and started to dial...._

**To: All**

**From: Edward Cullen**

**Message: **_HUGE PARTY! MY HOUSE. TONIGHT. 8 TIL LATE. NO ADULTS. BRING YOUR FRIENDS AND ALCOHOL!_

Short. Sweet. Got the message across well, I thought.

I read and re-read the text message I'd just sent to Edward's entire address book. Sure, it might not seem like the most evil plan to start off with, but beneath the surface it was brilliant.

Firstly, and most importantly, Edward kept his parent's numbers on his cellphone. This meant that when I sent that message to the whole address book, Carlisle and Esme received it too. Edward was going to be grounded for sure.

And even if they didn't get the message (I wasn't sure that adults checked their cellphones as much as teenagers), when they got home from the hospital's charity dinner (the timing worked out quite conveniently, don't you think?) to find their house trashed, they would be appalled. Maybe they'd give their son the death sentence....who knows?

Hopefully, if they ever found out it was actually me who sent the message (something I NEVER planned on letting happen) they would forgive me, knowing that I never did it to piss _them _off, Carlisle and Esme were lovely. It was all for _Edward's_ benefit. He would hate a bunch of drunk teenagers coming and trashing his house as much as his parents would, and with no one else there to help him get rid of everybody, he'd probably have a stroke.....

Excellent.

Then again....perhaps throwing a drunken party full of strangers wasn't enough....perhaps I could also find Mrs Cope's number and send her a lust-filled message from Edward saying-

The front door of my house slammed. "ISABELLA MARIE SWAN!" Charlie thundered.

Hell. What had I done now?

"Up here, Daddy." I called timidly from my room, throwing in the 'Daddy' thing to soften him, a nice touch if I do say so myself.

Charlie stomped up the stairs and pulled open the door, his face almost purple. "I GOT A CALL AT WORK FROM YOUR _PRINCIPAL_!"

"Mr Greene?" I asked, confused.

"Yeah," Charlie fumed. "Apparently you and Edward destroyed his car today!"

"We never did th-"

Oh wait. Yes we did.

"Edward did it, not me!' I lied. Technically _I _did it, but Edward took the blame so I was being kind of truthful....

Right?

"Mr Greene said he SAW both of you going at his Honda with large planks of wood with nails sticking out of them!"

Well.

That was a lie.

"Please explain to me," Charlie continued. "How THAT could've been a mix up, Isabella, because that really doesn't sound like something you would've done." He stopped short. "Are you on _drugs_?"

I stared at him with a baffled expression. "No I am not on DRUGS!" I hissed. "And I didn't destroy Mr Greene's car with a plank of wood." .

It was a baseball bat.

"Did Edward?" Charlie demanded.

I didn't answer him.

Charlie huffed and sat down on my bed, his face going from the strange shade of purple to just red. "Why would your principal lie about this, Bella?"

Because he wants you to pay for a new car to replace his crappy old one _obviously._

Really, wasn't there some law that said authority figures couldn't lie? It was just wrong.

I simply shrugged.

Charlie scratched his head. "Well, sorry kiddo, but I'm going to have to take his side on this one." his face became sterner. "He wants you to do some work for him to pay for a rental car until Carlise and I can figure out whether we're gonna replace his or not."

Slave labor. Classy, Mr G.

Charlie's face had fallen, he was obviously thinking about how much it would cost to replace Mr Greene's car. Then he became composed again. "Edward will be doing it too but that's the only time you two will be seeing each other, that and school because I'm banning you from fraternizing with him otherwise anymore."

"Excuse me?"

Charlie sighed. "You're banned from seeing Edward Cullen out of the school gates. He's obviously a bad influence on you and I won't have you being around him anymore."

"You can't just BAN me from seeing him, Charlie! That's bull-" I paused mid-sentence,swallowing the huge lump that was now in my throat.

Why was I getting worked up about this? This was what I'd _wanted _wasn't it? I'd _wanted _not to ever have to see Edward again. I'd been spending the past few days trying to get _away_ from him and now I had an excuse to completely shun him. This was _good._

So why was my heart beating a million times per minute? Why were my palms damp? Why was my stomach in a knot? And _why was it,_ that when I involuntarily pictured his face at that very moment, I wanted to burst into tears and sob until it didn't hurt anymore?

There was only one explanation.

I was about to get my period.

Damn those hormones....

*

If I wasn't so pissed, I would've found it funny.

On top of my working for Mr Greene, grounding me and THE GREAT EDWARD BAN, Charlie had also confiscated 'my cellphone'.

The funny thing? I DIDN'T HAVE A DAMN CELLPHONE! I'VE NEVER OWNED A CELLPHONE IN MY LIFE, FATHER DEAREST! It was Edward's, obviously, which was (although slightly funny) just _brilliant_ because now my amazing Text-Mrs-Cope plan was down the toilet. Plus, I couldn't postpone The Party because I had no way of contacting all the guests anymore.

So now everyone was going to turn up, Edward would freak out _and I wouldn't be there to see it because I was grounded._

I'd be sitting in my room. Alone. Like the sad little loser I was.

There was a knock on my bedroom door and Charlie poked his head in. "Hey, do you want dinner?"

"No." I muttered, imagining the drunken teens smashing Edward's car and me not bring there to see it.

I felt like I might cry.

"I'm going to go down to the station." he cleared his throat awkwardly. "Gonna get some work done so I can be home early tomorrow to...."

"Supervise me." I muttered.

"Yeah....." he trailed off. "I should be home around midnight so don't wait up."

"Dad," I gestured to myself with a jerk of my head. I was lying in bed with the covers around my chin. "Do I look like I'm planning on waiting up?"

"Well.....no. No not really. Guess not. Mmmm...."

I rolled my eyes. "Goodbye."

He grunted. "Bye, Bells."

A few minutes later I heard his cruiser pull out of the driveway.

A sly smile spread across my face as an idea hit me. I'd already been bad once today..... I could probably afford a second strike.

Besides, it wasn't like sneaking out to attend a drunken party with no adult supervision so I could torture my ex-boyfriend was THAT extreme, right?

*

World Miracle Number One: The birth of Jesus

World Miracle Number two: The fact that there ARE actually people out there that LIKE blue cheese.

World Miracle Number Three: I navigated my way through Forks to the Cullen's house on the bicycle I hadn't ridden since I was thirteen.

I consider that last one far more important than the birth of Jesus if you want my opinion.

The whole journey to the party I was chanting in my head "Die, Cullen, die. Die, Cullen, die.". Yes. I was even angrier about him totaling my truck now that I had to deal with the consequences (AKA riding a two wheeled death contraption).

It took me about an hour to find the house which I thought was pretty impressive for me. The reason it took so little time was largely due to the eardrum bursting music blasting from the direction of the Cullen residence that guided me. This obviously meant the party was in full swing.

Brilliant.

I tossed my bike onto the dirt and looked around. Outside the house were a few people scattered across the porch steps. Some were making out, others were laughing raucously. I didn't recognize a single one of them.

Even better.

I started to walk towards the house but before I could go any further, something yanked me back.

I assumed it was a branch until I felt warm breath fan across the back of my neck and a velvet voice whispering into my ear.

"Isabella..." my full name was pronounced carefully, strung out into syllables by the seductive voice. "You are _so _dead."

**Hmmmm...GUESS WHO?!**

**PS: Review! And tell me what Cullen you want for Christmas! (Sigh....fine! OR what wolf pack member.....*mutters* Just 'cause they have abs.....**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS! X o x o**


	14. Nuclear Bomb

**Cough. Yeah...so.....I'M SORRY! I know. It's been ages since an update! But I've been on holiday! And, I was in a tent so-**

**The Annoying Voice Inside My Head: It was a hotel.**

**Me: But it didn't have internet access!**

**The Annoying Voice Inside My Head: Yes it did.**

**Me: Well....Well I was too busy anyway! I had a summer romance with the hot pool lifeguard! *winks***

**The Annoying Voice Inside My Head: I would hardly call "sitting by the pool and flipping your hair everytime the lifeguard looks at you so that he consequently thinks you're retarded" a 'summer romance'**

**Me: *hits 'The Annoying Voice Inside My Head' over head with stick* Enjoy the chapter, sorry about the wait! *mutters* The lifeguard was SO into me.....**

_**Previously....**_

_I started to walk towards the house but before I could go any further, something yanked me back._

_I assumed it was a branch until I felt warm breath fan across the back of my neck and a velvet voice whispering into my ear._

"_Isabella..." my full name was pronounced carefully, strung out into syllables by the seductive voice. "You are so dead."_

Before I could respond with one of the witty one liners I'd come up with on the way over here, Edward yanked on the back of my jacket (just about strangling me in the process. Thanks for that one, Eddie.) and pulled me into the clump of trees about a 50 metres away from his house.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, stumbling over....air. Oh the joys of being uncoordinated....

He responded in a surprisingly calm voice. "I can't murder you with so many witnesses around, now can I?"

It sounded reasonable enough.

He let go of me and turned around. His face was flushed red with fury and as soon as his hands were no longer busy, one curled into an tight fist and the other reached up so he could pinch the bridge of his nose; Edward's reflex 'stress' reaction.

"So....." I said, breaking the short but awkward pause. "enjoying the party?"

Apparently he wasn't in the mood for small talk this evening.

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING, BELLA?" Edward exploded, all calmness gone. "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"

I blinked innocently. "Whatever are you talking about?"

Yes! I am Bella Swan, I admit NOTHING!

"YOU KNOW _EXACTLY _WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO MADE THIS" he gestured to his front porch where a group of teenagers were having a peeing contest. "HAPPEN!"

"I'm merely an innocent party goer." I insisted, holding in the evil laugh that was threatening to escape me, a result of seeing Edward so wound up.

"Oh don't give me _that_." he spat. "I know exactly what you did! I could sue if I wanted to you know!"

I rolled my eyes. "You are _such _a drama queen! It's just a party Edward!It's supposed to be fun!"

"Oh yeah, because you fully intended for this to be a_ blast_ for _me_, didn't you?"

I folded my arms and glared at the pine cone hanging above his head. "I don't know why you keep bringing _me _into this, Cullen. As I said before, I am an innocen-"

"I borrowed Emmett's phone and tracked the location of where the texts where sent from." he said smugly.

Technology has foiled my plans once again. CURSE YOU GPS!

"I was set up!" I blurted out desperately. "A random....person...came to my house and...uh...they had your phone and they...um....sent the text from there?"

Why he didn't believe _that _one, I may never know.

"You have some nerve." he hissed. "I can't believe you would-"

"Oh shut the hell _up_." I yelled, exasperated.

"No I will not!" I shouted right back at me. "You have NO IDEA what I've been through since you pressed send on that group text! This 'party' is the worst...the _second _worst thing that has EVER happened to me!"

I rolled my eyes. "It can't be- wait, only the _second _worst thing? What's the _worst _thing that's ever happened to you?"

"You breaking up with m- NEVER MIND!"

I shook my head, trying to forget what he might have just been about to say. "You're exaggerating and you know it. It can't be _that _bad inside."

"There are party crashers!"

"Every party has one or two...." I lied.

"Try seventy!"

Oooo, that _was _bad.

I kept my expression smooth. "So there's a few crashers. No big deal...."

"They also set my couch on fire."

I tried to pass off the sharp intake of breath that escaped me as a sigh."Did anyone get hurt?"

"No, I put it out with a fire extinguisher before it got out of hand." he muttered.

I beamed. "See? No proble- wait, you own a fire extinguisher?"

"It belonged to one of the crashers."

How perfectly normal.

"I see....Well." I shrugged happily. "Alls well that ends well."

"No it is NOT!" Edward yelled. "That's only the start of the terrible things I've had to endure!"

I sighed, waiting.

"Eric Yorkie is stoned."

"WHAT?!"

Edward nodded, looking happy that he'd finally got my attention. "Yeah, someone's dealing inside."

My mouth was gaping open, so I quickly snapped it shut and struggled to still appear at ease, even though the idea of _Eric _stoned was just...wow. "Make sure you get a cut of the drug money then."

"BELLA!"

I simply smiled sweetly back at him.

"Look," he seemed to regain control and stepped closer to me. My breath caught in my throat. "I'll make you a deal....."

"No d-deals." I stuttered, distracted by the closing distance between us.

He ignored me. "I promise not to kill you or tell on you, if you help me get everyone out of my house before my parents get back."

He promised not to _tell on me_? Did I _look _like I was in kindergarten? Then again..... "Fine. But you also add two points to my score" I blurted out. Wait where did _that _come from?

He raised an eyebrow. "What score?"

"You know...." I blushed, knowing how ridiculous this was going to sound. "Edward: 5, Bella: 3. If you add two points to my score we'll be even."

He simply stared at me. Then after a second he blinked and said, "Fine. Two points. Edward: 5, Bella: 5. We're even, just like you said."

I smirked, proud for some strange reason I couldn't quite gather. Why was I so hung up on getting more 'points' than Edward and beating him in these twisted revenge games, again? My eyes landed on the bike that I'd ridden on to get here. It was lying on it's side, covered in mud. Not exactly an attractive piece of equipment.

I was doing it to avenge the death of my truck! Right.....

Oh, and because he'd played tonsil hockey with another girl while we were still together. That too....

"So now that we're even.....does it mean we can stop doing nasty things to each other?" Edward asked hopefully, breaking my train of thought.

I pulled myself together well enough to gasp in mock horror. "Goodness no! The best is yet to come. I haven't even tricked you into gaining a whole heap of weight, stolen away your friends and destroyed your reputation yet!"

"Isn't that off _Mean Girls_?"

I waved my hand impatiently. "Irrelevant. The point is" I narrowed my eyes and took a step forward. "it's still _all on_. So I'd watch my back if I were you."

I could tell he was _totally _intimidated by the way he burst into hysterical laughter.

"Are you....." he gasped. "Trying....to be....tough...?"

I scowled, turned on my heel and walked away, leaving him leaning against a tree trunk, helpless with laughter.

I couldn't have made it three metres before he muttered something that sounded like 'so cute when she's angry' (I must have misheard him), stopped laughing and ran after me.

"Wait! Wait, wait wait...." he caught up and unexpectedly slung his arm around my neck in a friendly fashion. I promptly (despite how warm he was....and how nice he smelt...GAH!) shrugged him off, pissed.

Great. All that effort of coming up with a plan, finding the place on his phone where he kept his contacts, writing the message AND sending it..... And what did it achieve? FIVE MINUTES OF ANGER! No fits of rage, no breakdowns infront of everyone, HECK! He didn't even cry! Not a single tear! How did he get over it so fast?

But I had no time to dwell on this, we apparently had a task to complete.

"We've still got to figure out how to get rid of everyone before Carlisle and Esme get home." Edward reminded me.

"Let off a nuclear bomb in your house, killing them all?" I suggested in all seriousness. (Hey, whatever gets the job done faster, right?) "I know the perfect place where we can dump the bodies...."

"Uh, no." he replied quickly. "I was thinking we could try and ask them nicely to leave....and then if that doesn't work....."

"We set off the nuclear bomb?"

"Would you forget the nuclear bomb already?!"

"Sorry."

He shook his head. "And then if they don't leave....we call the police."

I stopped walking and shoved my arm out infront of Edward so he couldn't go any further either. "Are you out of your damn MIND?! Have you forgotten who the chief of police is?!"

"No. But Charlie won't be working tonight, will he?"

I made a face. "He's working an extra shift."

Edward shrugged. "Well, I guess it won't be so bad if he comes. I mean, it's not your fault the party is out of contr...oh wait. Scratch that, it's completely your fault." he ignored the death glare I shot him. "But Charlie doesn't know that."

I sighed and kicked a pile of pine needles with my foot. They scattered everywhere. "That's not the problem. He doesn't exactly....."

"Know you're here?"

My eyes flashed to his face. "How did you know?"

He shrugged again and smiled sadly. "I know _you_."

We were both silent for a moment, scrutinizing the others face. The distant sound of music quickly reminded us of why we were here and we resumed our fast paced walk back to the house.

"You should count yourself lucky." Edward said after a moment. "Charlie's reaction is _nothing _compared to what Carlisle and Esme's will be if they come home to this."

"Mmmm, I can't imagine they'll be happy to find a out of control rave going on in their living room."

"_And_ their dining room. And their kitchen. And their bedroom.....I even walked in on six people dancing in the upstairs toilet!" he sounded so perplexed that I had to laugh. "How they all managed to squeeze in I have no clue....."

We chuckled together for a few minutes until we were once again standing infront of his house. The peeing contest had finished but there was still a little reminder of it....

Edward pointed to the yellow puddle blocking the doorway. "Is that....?"

I took a step back. "No. No. I refuse to go near that."

"Oh come on....."

"Not gonna happen. I have a strict 'no urine on my shoes' policy." I backed away, turned and made a run for it.

Well, I _tried _to make a run for it. It kinda failed....

Edward, quick as lightening, grabbed my wrist and spun me so I was facing him again. The skin that his fingers were curled around lit up, suddenly on fire. In other words, as soon as he touched me, all intentions of leaving him to face the puddle of DOOM alone, quickly evaporated. I was glued to the spot where I stood, distracted the heat that had come from his touch and was slowly spreading throughout my entire body.....

Apparently Mr Flame was immune to the strange and mysterious warmth, because without a second thought he had scooped me up into his arms and was carrying me bridal style, closer and closer to the pee.....

"Wh-what are you doing?" I managed to choke out.

He didn't answer. Closer....closer....and then we were hovering over it. "And now to drop Miss Swan...." his grip loosened around me.

I was no longer in a daze. "NO NO NO! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DROP ME IN THAT I WILL...." he practically wasn't holding me at all now. I flung my arms around his neck. "EDWARD!"

"Dum de dum....." only one arm was under me now.

"DON'T YOU DARE!" I screamed, gripping him tighter and hitching a leg around his waist too.

Edward chuckled and stepped over the puddle. "Happy?"

"Ecstatic." I breathed a sigh of relief. "Now put me down."

He gently set me down on the ground.

It all happened very quickly after that.

I stumbled (God knows how, I hadn't even started to walk yet!). As a reflex reaction I grabbed Edward for support. Then he stumbled. And....

Then we both fell backwards onto our asses and intoa puddle of some drunk guy's pee.

We simultaneously groaned. "After all that." he moaned screwing up his face. Then, careful not to stand in any other unidentifiable liquids, he stood up and reached his hand out for me to take.

We both stood, glaring at the evil puddle for a few seconds.

"Are you going to clean that up so no one else steps in it or anything?" I asked quietly.

"You mean one of the uninvited and extremely drunk partygoers? I think not."

Well, technically, they _were _invited, by me. But uh, lets not mention that....

"Ok," we paused outside the front door. The music was so loud I had to scream so he could hear me. "WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR WHEN WE GET INSIDE?"

"WHAT WAS THAT?"

"I SAID," I raised my voice even higher. "WHAT'S THE PLAN FOR WHEN WE GET INSIDE?"

"I CAN'T HEAR YOU! CAN YOU SPEAK UP?"

"I'M ALREADY YELLING!"

"I STILL CAN'T...." He gave up, rolling his eyes and pushing the door open.

It was worse than I'd imagined. As soon as I walked through the door the smell of liquor hit me. I wrinkled my nose and stuck my fingers in my ears to block out the awful rap music threatening to burst my eardrums. I stared around the crowded room. I didn't recognize _anybody_. A bunch of guys who looked about in their mid-twenties were playing catch with......Mike?

Then suddenly the music stopped. I whirled to see Edward standing by the stereo wearing a triumphant expression.

"OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!" screamed Mike, his pleas no longer drowned out by the music. "PUT ME D-oof."

Edward pushed through the crowds of people shouting abuse, and headed towards me.

"Hey, who shut off the music?"

"Get Kanye back on, douchebag!"

"Why's the blonde kid on the floor _crying_?"

I was suddenly hoisted up onto the dining room table by strong arms and before I even knew what was happening, I was standing on the table with Edward. He started to yell.

"Ok, listen up everyone!" the room went quiet. He elbowed me, apparently I was supposed to do the speaking. Great. Yeah, because everyone knows that addressing large crowds is _so _my thing.

"Ummm...." my eyes swept the room. "Hi. Uh...."

"Who the hell is _she_?"

"I don't know, but she's hot!"

My face flushed red and I could've sworn I heard Edward growl...

"Has anyone got a tomato? I want to throw it...."

"Woah woah woah!" I held up my hands in protest. "Lets...let's just be reasonable here." I took a deep breath. "You guys.....You need to leave. Now."

*

And that's how ten minutes later, Edward and I were locked in a broom cupboard together. Stupid party people are really forceful when they want to be.....

**Yahhhhh. You like? You hate? You wish you could burn it on a stake? TELL MEEEE! (Oh and also, I know it's been weeks, but what did everyone get for Christmas? Anyone get Edward Cullen? I'LL BUY HIM OFF YOU!)**

**xxxx**


	15. Vibration

**Wow. I am fabulous. Two updates in a week? I should become God. :) Kidding. They'd sack me on the first day, I bet. I'd probably set an angel on fire or something. Then I'd be demoted to the devil....which actually would be kinda f- SHUT UP LAUREN! THEY ARE NOT HEAR TO HEAR YOU BABBLE! Thay are hear to read your crappy attempt at a story.**

**So read my dear......readers.**

Needless to say, the stress of being locked in a closet together, kind of made Edward and I revert back to being worst enemies.

"This is all your fault, Cullen!" I yelled for the eighth time, hammering on the door. "LET US OUT DICKHEADS!"

It was useless. No one was going to hear us over the awful, ear-drum-bursting music they were playing out there. Damn rowdy teenagers....

Oh God, I sounded like my _grandfather_....

I kicked some cleaning products out of my way and turned around to glare at Edward who was standing a less than desirable distance away from me; about ten inches.

"Of all the girls in Forks who are actually _nice_," he was muttering, purposefully loud enough so I could hear. "I just _had_ to be stuck in here with _you_." his eyes flashed up to meet mine. "And for the record, this is _so _not my fault!"

"Oh right! '_Let's try and reason with the drunk hooligans_'" I mimicked, gritting my teeth. "Yeah, you really thought that one out, didn't you?"

"_I_wasn't the one who turned bright red and started stammering!" he exclaimed. "After that epic fail, what'd you think they were going to do? Welcome us into their friendship circle? Ask us if we want to share some of their heroin?"

I flushed. "I can't help it if I get nervous infront of large crowds! You should have known I wouldn't be comfortable at doing something like that! Besides, I didn't see _you _offering to reason with them!"

"I did the introduction!"

"'Hey, listen up everyone!' isn't an introduction, Edward! It's something sissy guys say when they're too scared to step up to the plate for _real_."

He folded his arms (which wasn't an easy task seeing as we were squeezed in there like sardines. But....anything to express your indignation, right Edward?). "I shouldn't have _had _to! _You're _the one who got us into this mess in the first place, therefore it's YOUR fault!" he snorted. "Oh, but that's your problem, isn't it? You just can't take the blame for _anything_!"

"That is SO not true! I take blame for things all the time! Like when I smashed Mr Greene's car....." I bit my lip. Gah. Wrong example. I'd forgotten that Edward had saved my ass on that one.... "Well.....well....."

Edward quirked an eyebrow.

I glared at him and decided it was time for a topic change. "Well you know what _your _problem is, Cullen?"

"I'm too attractive?"

"Ye-" It took me a second to think that over. "NO! No! It's that-"

And then (courtesy of some _lovely _party crasher) the music was turned up and it drowned out my words.

Edward just stood there with a smug grin plastered all over his face, making a _huge _show of cupping his hand to his ear and mouthing 'I can't hear you!'.

Remind me why I ever dated him in the _first _place?

After a moment, he leant down, and casually whispered in my ear, "If we come really close to each other like this, we can actually hear what the other one is saying. Now....what's my problem?". As he spoke, his lips brushed my earlobe ever so softly, sending shivers down my spine. Goosebumps prickled on my arms.

Right. I had dated him because he can do _that _to me.

"I...." My mind was blank, and at that very moment, Edward didn't have a single flaw in my mind. He was perfect. Utterly, heartbreakingly perfect.

And then I came crashing back down to reality.

Of course Edward wasn't _perfect! _He was a lying, cheating piece of _dirt. _If he was perfect, he wouldn't have cheated on me with the first piece of trash that came onto him. If he was perfect, he would've at least_ come clean_ about it afterward, instead of repeatedly denying it every time the incident was bought up. If Edward was perfect, he wouldn't be making me lose my train of thought by....gently....brushing...my...hair....out...of...my...eyes....

Dammit!

"Your problem," I spat, standing up on tip toes so I could speak into his ear. "is that you're a douche who cheats on his girlfriends, lies about it and then continues to make her life a living HELL!" I shouted the last part right into his ear, causing him to abruptly pull back from me, wincing.

I smirked. "Oh sorry, did that hurt?"

We didn't speak for a few moments, glaring at each other and both trying to find positions in the closet where we weren't touching. We didn't succeed. By the time we gave up, my knee was still pressing into Edward's thigh, and his head was practically resting on his shoulder. Of course, this meant (after he forgave me for bursting his eardrum and decided we were speaking again) he could easily annoy the hell out of me/talk to me quite easily, since his mouth was so close to me ear.

"So did you hear _we're_ getting punishment for _you_ smashing up Mr Greene's crappy car?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. Oh, but we didn't _just _smash it, didn't you hear? We both went at it with planks of wood with nails sticking out of them."

"Huh." he said with mock thoughtfulness. "I seem to have forgotten that part...."

"Ugh. He just _had _to pick the punishment that would irk me most, didn't he? I just can't believe I have to spend my afternoons with Mr G and _you_." I groaned at the thought. "It's going to be torture."

"Trust me, Swan. I'm not exactly thrilled about hanging with you either." he muttered.

There was a silence (Well not exactly, as Kanye West still blasted outside the cupboard, but we'd seemed to tune that out, so in our own little world, there _was _a silence). A thought hit me.....

"Has it ever occurred to you," I said suddenly. "That we seem to be spending _more _time together now that we've broken up, than we did when we were dating?"

He seemed to absorb my words for a few seconds before responding.

"Or maybe it just _seems_ that way because we....dislike.... each other now." he mused. "You know, 'time flies when you're having fun', only the opposite. I mean, _before_, every hour I spent with you seemed like a second. I could lose myself in your eyes, and when I re-emerged, I would find that huge amounts of time had flown by without me even realizing." he gave a little half laugh. "It's strange how that happens. I guess when you're so in love with someone, everything except how you feel about them ceases to exist. Time no longer has-"

"Edward," I managed to choke out. My heart had started to thud erratically, I tried to keep my breathing regular. "Please...." I swallowed the lump in my throat. "please don't say that...."

He shifted his position so he could look at me. "Why?"

"Because...." I took a deep breath and tried to shoo away all the thoughts that were crowding my head. "because it hurts too much to remember ok?" The words were out before I could stop myself, and it was all so truthful, I couldn't help but feel I'd made a big mistake admitting it. 'Don't tell the enemy your weaknesses' and all that....

Although, what confounded me, was that he had just described exactly how _I'd_ felt about _him_ once upon a time.... Three days ago to be exact.

"Sorry." Edward said softly, shifting a mop so he was in a more comfortable position. "I didn't even mean to say all that. It was stupid. I don't know what came over me. I didn't mean it."

Before I could turn into 'crazy Bella, and yell at him about how annoying it is when a guy says all this romantic stuff to you, and then a second later says he doesn't mean it......his thigh vibrated.

I jumped.

"What?" he asked, distracted, shaking his head.

I thrust my chin in the direction of his leg. The vibrating continued. "What _is _that?"

"Oh," he smiled. "I just thought I'd bring a fun little toy along. You know, in case you decided to forgive me tonight...."

"Are you KIDDING me!?"

"Of course I am, idiot! It's Carlisle's phone." Edward rolled his eyes. "He lent it to me when I realised my phone was 'missing'" he narrowed his eyes at me. "so he and Esme could keep in touch with me while they were out tonight."

"Oh. I guess that's ok then...."

He dug his hand into his jeans' pocket and pulled out a phone. "It's a text message."

"Does it say they're coming home? Please tell me they're coming home!" I sniffed. "I don't really care about you getting into trouble, I just want to get OUT OF HERE!"

Edward ignored me and scrolled through the text. His face dropped. "SHIT!"

I didn't like the sound of this.

He groaned, stuffed the phone back in his pocket and buried his head in his hands.

"What, Edward?" I asked desperately, grabbing the feather duster digging into my arm and poking him with it. "What is it?"

His voice was muffled when he spoke again. "The hospital's charity dinner was in Port Angeles."

"So?"

"So....." he lifted his head up. "They decided to drive back tomorrow. They're spending the night in a hotel."

"WOOHOOOO! HOUSE WATER FIGHT!" someone outside the closet screamed.

The omnious sound of splashing water followed.

*

"I'm going to die in here." I announced shakily, a whopping seven and a half hours later. "I'm going to die cold, hungry, tired and with a boy who who's hair looks like it came third place at the Olympics!"

Edward 'hmphed' and ran his hands through his bronze hair self-conciously. "Well look on the bright side, at least the hooligans stopped playing that dreadful music and went home."

"Great. That means no one find me untill I'm nothing but a skeleton."

"Don't be so damn melodramatic." he sighed. "My parents will be home soon. That means your corpse will only have JUST started to rot...."

I elbowed him in the ribs. "On second thought, I'm pretty sure _you'll _be the first to die, on account of the fact that as soon as I begin to feel faint with hunger, approximately ten minutes from now, I _will _be eating you."

"That's cruel, Swan."

I shrugged. "That's life, Cullen, and I've gotta keep my strength up." Then to my extreme embarrassment, I did one of those awful hippo yawns. You know the kind so huge that not even your hand can cover it. Not that I had that luxury, as _my _hands were firmly wedged under my ass. Stupid tiny closet....

Edward eyed me. "You should try and sleep. I'll keep an ear out for Carlisle and Esme."

I just shook my head and yawned again. "No.... I don't think I can....I won't be able to get comfortable...."

I then promptly dozed off on Edward's shoulder.

*

"Bella...Bella...." someone was shaking me. I clung onto the soft, warm thing I was sleeping on. "Bella, come on sweetheart, wake up, they're home."

My eyelids fluttered open and I stared up and Edward. "What?"

He reached down and gently pried my hands from his shirt. "My parents. I just heard Carlisle's car pull up."

"Oh..." I rubbed my eyes and when I remembered the severity of the situation I instantly became more alert. "Ok, what's the story? Why are we locked in a closet together?"

"I've got nothing."

"You haven't thought of _anything_?" I asked incredulously.

"You were distracting me!"

"I was unconscious!"

"Yes but you look really _really _adorable sleeping." as soon as the words were out he clapped his hand over his mouth and went bright red.

I got the feeling a sufficient amount of blood had pooled in my cheeks also. "Look....um...." I clapped my hands. "I've got it! We were playing seven minutes in heaven and they forgot to let us out of the closet!"

"Perfect!" exclaimed Edward, still looking incredibly embarrassed.

"Edward?" Esme called. Edward's hand found mine and I squeezed it lightly. (of course, I still hated the guy's guts and thought he was a total and utter ass, but what was a little hand squeezing between enemies, right?)

The sound of footsteps rang throughout the house and suddenly came to a halt in the living room.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Somehow, I don't think our friends cleaned up behind themselves..." Edward muttered quietly.

**_(If you want a preview of the next chapter, READ THIS AUTHORS NOTE!)_**

**Dun dun duuun... Darned messy teenagers!**

**Sorry if the storyline seems kinda slow at the moment. But I promise it'll be heating up VERY soon! (What's 'I promise' in French? Ha ha...THAT WAS A CLUE!! Anyone who's smart will figure it out.)**

**SOME QUESTIONS ANSWERED**

**NOW, heaps of people have been asking when E and B are gonna stop fighting and JUST KISS AND MAKE UP ALREADY! My answer is *loud music plays drowning out my answer***

**Ha, just kidding. But come on guys! Without fighting, this story wouldn't BE! But trust me, it WILL happen....eventually.**

**Also, a lot of people have been requesting Edward's POV of "The Great (or not so great if you're looking at it from Bella's point of view) Tanya Incident" My answer is: Patience my petals! I have this entire story planned, INCLUDING when Edward reveals alllll! **

**I'd like to hear what YOU think was going on in his head when that was happening though. Anyone got any theories about why he had his hand under her shirt?**

_**THE CRAZIEST/MOST ELABORATE THEORY GETS A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!**_


	16. Triple Chocolate IceCream

**I wrote this in a sleep deprived state. If it's slightly more....random....than usual, blame the large amounts of energy Red Bull possesses.**

Previously....

_"Edward?" Esme called. Edward's hand found mine and I squeezed it lightly. (of course, I still hated the guy's guts and thought he was a total and utter ass, but what was a little hand squeezing between enemies, right?)_

_The sound of footsteps rang throughout the house and suddenly came to a halt in the living room._

_"OH MY GOD!"_

_"Somehow, I don't think our friends cleaned up behind themselves..." Edward muttered quietly._

Awkward didn't really sum up the situation I was in. Abdominable was probably a more suitable word.

"Ok, ok..." Esme squeezed her eyes shut. "Let me get this straight...." she opened them again and pointed at Edward. "_You_ threw a party while we were out of town with alcohol, drugs and party crashers?"

Edward nodded, I shifted guiltily from my spot beside him on the couch.

Esme's gaze turned to me. "And Bella,_ you_ snuck out so you could come, even thoughyou have expressed your hatred for social gatherings _many many _times and even refused the invitation to my garden party last month?"

I bit my lip. "I really _did _have to wash my hair that day....."

Edward snickered but shut up when Esme gave him that frightening glare reserved for when mothers are really _really _angry.

"And then..." she continued. "You were playing a game called seventh heaven-"

"Seven _minutes _in heaven, dear. Seventh Heaven is a tv show." Carlisle's face then went blank. "I don't even know how I knew that...."

Esme's lips twitched. "Sorry, seven _minutes i_n heaven, a game which requires you to be locked together in a closet and-"

"Talk." Edward blurted out suddenly. "Just talk. About...politics...and the weather and stuff."

"Yeah, they're so going to buy that one, stupid." I muttered low enough for Esme and Carlisle not to hear.

She continued despite Edward's outburst of sheer idiocy. "And your friends forgot to let you out and then just _left_?"

After having a pretty lengthy waterfight indoors, I wanted to add.

"And you've been locked in there since about eleven last night?"

Edward and I nodded silently.

Carlisle and Esme looked at each other, then their eyes wandered around the house. The wreckage was HUGE! Who knew a bunch of teenagers could be so destructive?

It still reeked of beer, their white couch was slightly tinged black in the corners from being set on fire, there were about six bras strewn across the floor, someone had scrawled _Call me: 0800 2HOT4U _across the wall in green spray paint and a slip and slide had been created on the stairs using the curtains Esme was so fond of.

This was just the living room.

Carlisle let out a low whistle. "Alright. Well...obviously there will be consequences for both of you for your behavior."

Edward and I hung our heads.

"But I don't think it would be right to dish one out to you, Bella, since you're not our child. I think we'll leave that for your Dad..."

My breath caught. "No, actually, that's fine, you don't have to tell Charlie. Really! It's totally ok for you to punish me. I'd actually prefer it and I have no objection to back-breaking labor!"

The three Cullens stared at me. Esme cleared her throat. "Uh, no. That won't be necessary. Carlisle," she lay a hand on her husband's shoulder. "Would you go call Charlie?"

"He won't be up yet!" I blurted out desperately.

Carlisle smiled. "I think I'll take my chances...." He stood up and walked into the other room to make the dreaded call. Esme also rose.

"And I'll go fix you two up some breakfast."

When she'd left the room I turned to Edward. "T-they don't seem angry...."

"Are you kidding?" he groaned, leaning back on the couch. "They're _disappointed, _that's even worse! Did you see those sad smiles? Ugh! They're going to make my life a living hell for the nest couple of months with all their "I would've thought you'd know better" 's and "It just makes me sad I can no longer trust you"'s."

"It's better than angry." I insisted quietly. "Charlie goes purple when he's mad and I'm always afraid he's going to have a heart attack or something..."

Esme came back in with a selection of toast and two glasses of orange juice. She sighed sadly as she set it down on the table.

"See?" Edward hissed. "Damn disappointment!"

Carlisle came back in too, holding the phone. "Charlie was just heading out the door to go fishing when I called. He seemed rather appalled to find out what you two had been up to when he was positive Bella had been sleeping when he'd checked on her...."

"You stuffed your pillow under the covers?" Edward whispered.

I fought back a grin and nodded.

"Smart girl."

"So," I winced. "He canceled his fishing trip?"

"No...."

Of course not...

"But he's coming home early and we're all going over to your house to discuss things."

"In the mean time," Esme said. "You should head home and get some rest Bella."

I blushed and shook my head stubbornly. "No, no. I'll stay here and help with the clean up."

Esme opened her mouth to protest, Edward placed his hand on my knee (It tingled. Dammit!) and looked me straight in the eyes. "Bella, you_ have _to sleep. You only got about an hour of rest in the closet and you were so tired you were sleep-talking. You know you always talk the most when you're exhausted."

I narrowed my eyes at him, my stomach flipping at all the prospects of things I could have said. I'd have to ask him later... "Ok...." I sighed, standing up.

"We'll see you around three." Esme promised.

"I'll walk you out." Edward said quietly, taking my hand again. I shook it off when we turned the corner.

"Stop it." I muttered when we got outside and were out of hearing range of his parents who _still _didn't know we had broken up.

"Hmmm? Stop what?" The wind was whipping his hair and I tried desperately to think of an adjective to describe him _other _than sexy.

So far I had nothing....

"Stop with the random acts of affection. I don't like it." I lied. "Go back to hating me, ok?"

He muttered "I can't do that." quietly. I pretended I didn't hear him. Nevertheless, he dropped my hand like a hot potato. "Sorry."

I sniffed. "I've got to go." I turned on my heel and marched down the steps but when I was down the bottom, I stopped suddenly. Where was my truck?

Oh. Right. I'd biked here. But the piece of pink scrap metal was nowhere to be seen either.

"If you don't mind me asking," Edward called from behind me."How do you plan on getting home?"

He had me there. "I...I guess I'll walk." I lied, planning on hitching a ride the moment I was out of sight.

"Don't be ridiculous, Bella." Edward sighed. "Let me give you a ride."

"No." I protested. "I'll be fine. I'm totally capable of walking....twelve miles...."

"Am I going to have to force you into my car? You know I can be _very _convincing when I want to be..."

I shivered and stalked up the steps and flounced past him while he grinned from ear to ear.

We walked past Carlisle and Esme to retrieve Edward's keys. They seemed to be discussing something very intensely, but looked up when we walked into the room.

"I'm taking Bella home." Edward explained before they could ask.

Esme nodded. "Actually, we were just talking..."

Carlisle shot Edward a strange look. "And we were wondering why you didn't just use the spare closet key to let yourself out last night. Weren't you the one who suggested we keep one in there in the first place?"

Edward went beetroot.

*

"And then," I exclaimed through a huge mouthful of triple chocolate ice-cream. "it turns out there was a key in there all along! He spent the entire car ride back trying to claim he'd totally forgotten it was there! He even went as far to say he was probably in the early stages of Alzheimers disease!"

Rosalie and Alice stared up at me from the floor with wide eyes.

I sighed and plopped down on Alice's beanbag, my eyelids drooping. I'd insisted Edward drop me over here. I'd needed some support from my girls. And I needed icecream, I was about three quarters through a tub already. But despite all the sugar, I was still on the verge of falling asleep and from personal experience, I knew when I didn't get enough sleep, I became a total bitch and overreacted at the slightest thing. But I didn't have time to worry about that at the moment.

Alice stood up gracefully and came to play with my hair – her automatic answer to all problems. Rosalie shuffled over as well and leant her head against my knee.

"What an asshole." Alice said softly.

"He probably had a small dick anyway."

I kneed Rose in the cheek. "Not helping." I sat up and Alice whimpered as the plait she'd been working on came undone. I crossed my arms huffily. "You know, you two really _should _help me more in my quest to destroy Edward Cullen. You've been kind of hopeless so far." Here comes Bitchella...

Rosalie shot Alice a look. "Well...Bella the thing is....we're kind of in an awkward position right now..."

"What do you mean? All you have to do is chuck him under a bus or something similar. Whats so hard about that?"

"You know....." Alice twiddled her thumbs.

"No, I don't." I snapped, nasty from the sleep deprivation. I picked up the ice-cream again and shoveled some more in. "Explain yourselves."

"Well, Edward's our friend too...." Rose said quietly. "Al, Jasper, Em and I decided we wouldn't take sides in this whole thing."

"MY BEST FRIENDS ARE CONSPIRING AGAINST ME!" I screamed, leaping up.

"No we're not, Bella." Alice said calmly. "We're simply not involving ourselves in any of your childish games."

"YOU BOTH HATE ME!" I exclaimed, bursting into tears and almost falling asleep at the same time.

Rosalie groaned. "Ok, sweetie, calm down."

I sniffled and lay down on the floor.

"We didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but we honestly think this whole thing is going to blow over soon." she continued.

"It won't." I said through a yawn. "We hate each other. We always will."

"You might think that," Alice said. "but that's only because you don't see the way that boy looks at you."

I didn't hear; I'd already dozed off on her bedroom floor.

*

I got up at ten to three feeling refreshed and....oh who was I kidding? I still felt groggy and crap, but I had to get up. The Cullen's were coming over soon to discuss my 'punishment'.

I felt like a convicted murderer awaiting the jury's verdict.

Charlie's cruiser and the familiar black Mercedes pulled up at the same time, which in a way was a relief; I knew Charlie would be madder if we didn't have company. He always tried to act so calm around Carlisle, I think he kind of idolized the man.

Edward gave me a sheepish smile when he walked through the door. My anger with him had faded after a few hours sleep so the glare I shot him wasn't as cold as it would have been a few hours ago.

Charlie sat down in his usual football watching seat, Carlisle and Esme took one couch and, surprise surprise, I was stuck with you-know-who on the other.

And I'm not talking about Voldemort.

"So...." Carlisle started briskly. "everyone knows why we're here. Let's get down to it."

Charlie just about raised his hand before speaking but managed to restrain himself. "I'd like to start off by saying that I'm willing to assist in paying any damages-"

Carlisle held up one hand. "That won't be necessary. We're merely interested in making sure there isn't a repeat of last nights events."

"There won't be." I said quietly. "I promise."

"So do I." Edward whispered guiltily, even though (though it pained me to admit it) he had nothing to be guilty about, it had been all my fault.

"We'd like to be very certain though." explained Esme. "Which is why we've agreed to the punishment Charlie has already issued Bella.

I raised an eyebrow. I hadn't seen Charlie all day....

"You two are no longer allowed to see, speak or contact each other in any way outside of school."

Oh right. _That _punishment. Charlie had already filled me in on that one the night before, so it didn't come as much of a shock to me. Edward on the other hand....

"WHAT?!" he yelled, surprising us all by jumping to his feet. His expression was furious. More furious, in fact, than the night before when he'd confronted me about the whole party business.

"I'm sorry, Edward." Carlisle said firmly, but we've all agreed that this is the best solution."

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" Edward shouted, glancing from Carlisle, to me. He took in my calm, and a little shocked, expression. "Wait....wait, Bella, you _knew_?"

"Yes." I replied curtly.

"Why didn't you TELL me?!"

"Because we're not supposed to be seeing each other _anyway!_" I snapped. "I don't know why you're making such a big deal of this anyway. We've broken up, so why should this rule make a difference?"

There was a sharp intake of breath amongst the adults. Esme held up her hand. "Wait...you two have _already _broken up?"

"Yes," Edward said, running his hands through his hair and exhaling. "But-"

Carlisle shrugged. "Then it shouldn't make much of a difference will it? It all-"

"IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE," Edward yelled furiously. "BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF NOT HAVING CONTACT WITH BELLA FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME IS EXCRUCIATING FOR ME!"

"What?" I whispered.

He spun around. Then, out of nowhere and to my total astonishment, he gently cupped my face in his hands. His fingers were shaking.

"I'm still crazy about you Bella. Completely, utterly and madly in love with you. And I can't survive without you in my life. Not now, not ever."

**BEST/NICEST/LONGEST/MOST INTERESTING REVIEW GETS A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER!**


	17. Love Can Overcome Anything

Previously....

"_IT MAKES A DIFFERENCE," Edward yelled furiously. "BECAUSE THE THOUGHT OF NOT HAVING CONTACT WITH BELLA FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME IS EXCRUCIATING FOR ME!"_

"_What?" I whispered._

_He spun around. Then, out of nowhere and to my total astonishment, he gently cupped my face in his hands. His fingers were shaking._

"_I'm still crazy about you Bella. Completely, utterly and madly in love with you. And I can't survive without you in my life. Not now, not ever."_

My mouth lay gaping open in shock. There were a million different thoughts running through my head, not one of them registering because I was so numb. I didn't know if I'd ever speak, walk or move again in my life.

Edward's breathing was unsteady and slowly, the index finger of the hand he was cupping my face with moved slowly along my cheek, stroking it lightly. His touch left a trail of heat, like I'd been burnt.

The silence could have only last a few seconds, although to me it felt like hours. Charlie was the one to break it.

"Uh..." he cleared his throat and nodded at Carlisle and Esme. "maybe you outta..... go home now...." It wasn't said in a rude way, just as if he knew he was merely echoing what the other two adults were thinking.

Carlisle seemed to come to his senses as well, taking Esme's hand and standing up. "Of course. We'll uh...discuss this later...?"

"Come on, Edward." Esme said quietly, though it was clear Edward had no intention to do such a thing. He was still staring intensely into my eyes. "Edward." she placed her hand gently on her son's shoulder and pulled him back a little.

Edward straightened up in defeat. "I'll....talk to you later, lov-... Bella..."

Charlie grunted and muttered something unintelligible.

Reluctantly, and not tearing his eyes away from mine until the very last moment, Edward turned away.

And then they were gone.

"Bella, close your mouth, you look gormless." Charlie said gruffly the moment the door had slammed.

I did as I was told and stared at my lap, trying to slow my heart. I was still so stunned couldn't form a coherent thought.

The opposite end of the couch sagged as Charlie sat down, we were quiet for a few minutes.

We'd always been ok with silences. They'd always been kind of comfortable, never very awkward. It was just the way we Swan's were. _This _silence however, _was _the awkward kind. I knew Charlie was most likely bursting to say what he sad to say and get the hell out of the living room before I started to (God forbid!) talk about my _feelings_.

But in a strangely sensitive gesture for Charlie, he chose to give me a few minutes to take in everything that had happened, to think it over. This surprised me (or at least, it _would _have, if I wasn't so taken aback over Edward's recent outburst I was having difficulty sitting up), because I was sure what Edward had said probably wouldn't seem like such a huge deal to him, not the way to was to me.

Anyway, I probably would have appreciated him giving me a short break to think, if it weren't for the fact that this was the exact _opposite _of what I wanted to do.

Thinking meant evaluating the situation.

Evaluating meant having to draw a conclusion about how I felt about _him_.

Drawing a conclusion meant that I'd have to come to a decision about Edward and I. _Edward and I....._

And I really didn't trust myself to make that decision. I mean, what did I know? My skin caught alight every time he touched it! I was an idiot!

"Ok," Apparently I'd had enough time to think. I had the sneaking suspicion Charlie timed thirty seconds on his watch. "I know you don't want to talk about the last part of that 'meeting', and quite frankly I'd rather stick pins in my eyes than discuss it either. But we do need to talk about what happened last night...." He shifted uncomfortably. "Now, Carlisle pretty much filled me in on everything, and I'm sure the two of them gave you a fair talking to this morning, so I probably don't need to do terribly much more of that..."

I silently praised the lord that Charlie was one of the laziest parents in the world when it came to discipline.

"But I do want to let you know that I am VERY serious about you not having any contact with Edward anymore. That boy is _bad _news, he's been getting you into trouble! So I want you to have nothing more to do with him, am I clear?" he asked, his voice the sternest I'd ever heard it.

I nodded mutely.

Although..." his voice became perceptibly more irritated. "It's going to be difficult to enforce that punishment come next week...."

My head snapped up with interest. "What do you mean? What's happening next week?"

Charlie shot me a confused look. "The Paris trip with your school. Don't tell me you'd _forgotten_!" he lowered his voice. "I fork out a fortune for the girl to go to Europe, and she _forgets_ about it...." He continued muttering darkly, but I had frozen.

"Dad," I choked, standing up abruptly. "Can I go up to my room?" He couldn't be here when I flipped out like a lunatic, now could he?

Charlie stopped talking to himself. "Huh? Yeah ok. Just remember, I'm serious about this punishment, Bella. I....."

"Ok." I interrupted, sprinting across the house, then taking the stairs two at a time (and surprisingly, only falling over twice! Possibly a new record....). I got to my room and slammed the door.

_I was going to Paris._

Involuntarily, the image of a form we had to fill out a few weeks earlier flashed into my mind.

_Please request who you wish to be your partner during the trip. _It had instructed in brackets.... _This is the person you will complete all activities with and spend the majority of your time with, so choose wisely...._

I remembered glancing sideways at the angel and the desk next to me, and eagerly writing _Edward Cullen _without a second thought.

Oh _God._

I was going to the city of romance with my ex-boyfriend who apparently was still in love with me.

Great. Just great. Or as the French say, "Excellente!".

…...

Oh shit that was Spanish....

*

Facing up to your problems? So overrated!

The solution was to avoid them at all costs. I found that if I kept myself busy with ordinary, everyday activities, such as counting how many frozen peas were in the freezer and arranging Charlie's socks according to colour, size and thread count, I was able to keep my mind off every crappy thing that was happening in my life! (And also not make a decision about how I felt about Edward and his 'revelation'. That was a decision for another day. Or another decade. Hey, lets just go with century, shall we?)

It was great, even if I did earn a few strange glances from Charlie. He figured I could be let off cooking duty that night, so we ordered in pizza. I saw this as a golden opportunity to continue Operation: Only Think/Talk About Stupid Insignificant Things And Not Things That Actually Matter!

So I spent an hour with the pizza delivery guy asking detailed questions about the benefits of ordering a gluten free crust on your pizza.

But, alas, I should have known my genius plan was too good to last.

It was around midnight when disaster struck. I was halfway through my latest activity (carving an old birthday candle into a ballerina) when I heard a tap on my window.....

Oh for crying out loud! Can't a girl obsessively carve birthday candles in PEACE!?

"It's a bird," I muttered to myself, shaping the delicate ballerina bun. "just a little sparrow...."

"Bella!"

"....Who can talk." I squeaked, listening to the sound of a second pebble hitting the glass.

Involuntarily, I stoop up and crept over to the window. Before I even knew what was happening, I had opened the window and was leaning out, peering into the night.

Then another littlestone hit me in the face.

"Ow!" I hissed, glaring at the darkness.

"Sorry."

I just about fell out the window. His voice was far closer than I expected, and when I glanced sideways, there he was sitting in the tree, his face less than a metre away from me.

"God, give me a heart attack, why don't you?" I snapped, gasping for breath and gripping onto the window pane for support.

I expected him to say something witty and grin, but Edward's face wasn't smug. It appeared to be a _mix _of emotions actually. First and foremost, he looked nervous as hell. But it was tinged with sadness as well....and some other emotion I didn't quite recognize.....

Adoration? No.... No couldn't be.

"Can I come in?" he asked quietly, starting to move closer. But just as he tried to swing one leg through the open window, I caught his ankle and shook my head. This was going to be hard, and I knew from experience that the closer he was to me, the harder it would be to get out what I had to say.

_What I had to say....._

And just like that, my decision was made.

The decision I'd been avoiding making all day had somehow been subconsciously made for me without my realization. Deep down inside...deep _deep _down, I'd known all along. And now that my mind was made up, I knew it was the right decision.

Perhaps it had something to do with natural human instincts? Our will to survive and our natural aversion to pain. Like, say, if a child played with matches and burnt himself, he instantly knew (unless he was a total retard) not to do it again, because it had _hurt_. So the child now knew to stay far, far away from those matches, in fear that the pain they'd cause would come _back_.

Edward was, as weird as it sounded, my matches.

And there was no way I could survive through being burnt by him again.

"Listen," he started, his velvet voice breaking through my epiphany. "I need to talk before you say anything."

I nodded, stomach churning.

Edward took a deep breath. "First of all, I'm sorry I exploded like that and embarrassed you infront of both of our parents. It was stupid and I hadn't thought it through, I'm sorry." His face searched mine for emotion, I remained blank. "Second, I'd like to also apologize for everything that happened in the past few days. I acted like a child and although the one thing I _did not _do was cheat on you, I _did _do some things that I now deeply regret."

"Y-"

He held up his hand. "I know what you're going to say, and I understand why you don't believe me when I say I was never unfaithful, if I were in your position, I'd probably be the same. So I'm not going to waste my breath on trying to convince you when I know you're never going to listen."

"Good." I muttered.

He reached across and without warning grasped my hand firmly. "Regardless of what you do or do not believe, you have to know that what I said earlier today was nothing but the truth." His words were totally sincere and it was breaking my heart. "I love you so much Isabella Swan. You are...you are my whole world and not being with you _kills _me." I tried to steady my breathing. "Despite the rule that our parents have enforced, there is no way I can stay away from you. I'm not exaggerating when I say it's like asking me to stop breathing."

There was a pause, an opportunity that I quickly grasped. "Edward...." He didn't let me get very far.

I could tell by his expression that mine must have been one of sadness. He obviously realized that things were not going the way he'd planned. "Look, I don't expect you to make a decision right now." he insisted desperately, his other hand coming on top of the two of ours that were already intertwined.

I tried again. "Edwar-"

"But Bella," his finger lightly traced circles on the back of my hand. "I _know_ that we're perfect for each other. We've been through so much, but when it comes right down to it, in the end..." our eyes locked. "love _can_ overcome anything."

There was silence for a second, and when I knew he was finished speaking, I gently pried his fingers from around my hand and reached up to close the window.

This was going to kill me....

"It's a good thing I don't love you then."

**NEXT CHAPTER IS EDWARD'S POV OF THE BREAK-UP!!!!!!! **

**Sorry, just thought I'd get that out before the flames started.....Anyway.....**

***holds up sheild* NOOO! Don't throw the tomatoes!!!!!! I promise they'll get together eventually..... *laughs evilly* But only if every single reader reviews (And don't think I won't check!). If you don't they'll stay hating each other for eternity and I'll make Edward fall out of the tree and die next chapter and the story will end there.**

**Do you really want to have the guilt of knowing that YOU killed Edward Cullen sitting on your shoulders???? I didn't think so. Mmmmhmmm....**

**As usual THE BEST REVIEW GETS A PREVIEW OF NEXT CHAPTER!!!**


	18. Rough Patch

**Yeeeeees, bow down to the Queen of semi-regular updating!**

**I SAID BOW!**

EPOV

So....

That hadn't gone exactly they way I'd planned.

I mean, ok, I hadn't been expecting her to say "Oh, Edward! Of _course _I forgive you! I love you too!" and then invite me in for cheesecake. But _seriously_, she could have at least let me down gently!

_Good thing I don't love you then...._

Where did she get _that _one? HeartbreakersDotCom?

I leaned back in the drivers seat of my Volvo, which was parked exactly one hundred metres from the Swan residence (I wasn't yet ready to go home and face another few hours of cleaning up vomit, vacuuming and collecting leftover unnamed bras for Esme to donate to charity.) and closed my eyes.

The way I saw it, I had three options:

1. The "Mike Newton Option": Sit in my car and cry like a little girl because the fact that Bella didn't love me meant that I would never ever be happy again.

2. The "I'm Unstable Option": Jump off a cliff because without Bella, life has no meaning.

Or.... 3. "The Sensible Option": Toughen the hell up and win Bella back dammit!

It was a tough decision.....but I was probably going to have to go with...three.

But really, what more could I do? I'd _tried _(oh God _knows _I've TRIED) to tell her my side of the story, but would she listen? No! Then I play along with her 'revenge war', and for some reason (That I could not for the life of me figure out), that actually brings us _closer_! And then I tell her I love her, and the closeness is gone again because she decides she once again hates my guts.

WHAT IS WITH THIS GIRL?! It's like she WANTS me to be mean to her!

Women. Can't live with them and the human race will die out if you destroy them all....

So maybe _that _was the key.... I had to continue how it was before my emotion bomb had gone off. Humiliate her or something. (insert disbelieving rolling of eyes here).

But even if I _did _get her to like me again, we would never get past the friends stage and back to where we were before, if she still didn't trust me due to my 'cheating tendancies'.

I hadn't even DONE it! It was all a big, stupid misunderstanding.....

_4 Days Earlier (Cheat Day)_

"_How do you say, "I really want to hook up with you" in French?" Tanya batted her eyelashes at me._

"_'t'es une sale excuse pour un être humain'." I answered quietly. **A**_ctual French Translation: 'You're a disgusting excuse for a human being'

"_Oh really...." she giggled annoyingly._

"_Yes." I tried to ignore her and glared down at my paper. "Really."_

_Damn Mr Chiron and his stupid alphabetical partnering system...._

_If only I'd been paired with Bella. We'd have finished the project by now (she would have HELPED finish it, which is more than I could say for some people...) and we'd probably have been sitting there....talking, laughing, kissing.....whispering how much we love each other...._

_Oh God, girlfriends should come with a warning label: "WILL turn you into a pansy! Proceed with caution...."_

_Whatever. My point was, that if I'd been paired with my beautiful girlfriend, I would have been happy! _

_Instead, it had been half an hour and my braincells were already half gone._

_Tanya tapped her pencil against the table. "So, like, when we're in France, we're gonna eat like heaps of french fries, right?" _

_And there goes the last one.... _

"_Because, like, I'm seriously gonna have to make myself throw up WAY more than usual if they're gonna be force feeding us carbs over there...You know what I mean?"_

_I didn't answer, hoping, like an irritating little dog, she would grow bored and LEAVE._

"_But like, we'll be able to bring our own cars, right?" she examined her unnaturally long and sharp nails. "Because there is like no way I'm driving around in a _hired_ car! They're so ugly and unstylish...."_

_It's funny how someone with such a small brain can have such a big mouth....._

"_But I guess you're used to that." she snorted. "I mean, you drive a Volvo. That's like, a total old man car!"_

_If I knew how to do that finger clicking around the head thing, I would have done it. _Oh no she didn't....

_You can insult my family. You can insult my honor. You can insult _me_. But God help me, if you start on my Volvo...._

"_For your information," I snapped. "Volvo's can reach speeds of over-"_

"_Hey look! A pretty bird!" Tanya's face lit up and she pointed out the window._

_My fists clenched and I tried to concentrate on the paper in front of me._

_After a minute of cooing over the bird, she turned her attention back to me._

_Fabulous._

"_Edward..." her fingers trailed up my arms. I swatted them away and went back to writing. "I went to the beauticians yesterday..."_

"_Ah, pity it was closed."_

"_It wasn't!" she snapped. "Anyway, I got a Brazilian and I was thinking-"_

"_Ok." I held up my hand. "Stop talking and listen closely."_

_She raised a severely plucked eyebrow._

"_Shut. Up." I told her slowly._

_She seemed to have to think about this. As it was processing, her cellphone rang loudly._

_She grinned. "One second, pumpkin."_

_Seducing tip: Comparing the seducee to a vegetable? Not sexy._

"_The sparrow is flying?!" Tanya was hissing into her phone. "What sort of stupid code is that?"_

_I rolled my eyes and glanced at the clock. Only ten minutes and I could hang out with people who's IQ's were higher than their shoe size...._

"_Oh shut up, Jess! Look," she lowered her voice, pathetically attempting to be secretive. "I'm going to pounce....Bring the sparrow over now. Bye." she snapped her phone shut, grabbed a little bottle out of her pocket and sprayed something on herself. Then she turned to face me._

_Please don't talk to me...._

"_So, anyway....." she walked over and..... straddled me?! I would have been repulsed, if it weren't for the fact that the overwhelming cloud of perfume surrounding her, was currently causing my lungs to shrivel up and die. _

_I tired to push her off, which was almost impossible since I was also trying to cover my mouth while I coughed, and prevent myself from choking._

_Suddenly she grabbed the French essay I'd just finished. "Oooo! What's this?"_

"_Give it...." I coughed like a chain smoker. "....back."_

"_Can I practice origami with it?" she asked slyly._

"_No," Oh crap, some had gone in my eye. It hurt like a bitch. I grabbed blindly. I'd been working on that thing forever, and there was no way in hell I was letting that....thing.... ruin my hard work! "give it back, Tanya!" Cue more coughing/dying._

_She ignored me. "Oh, this is too big to make a dove with....I think I'll just rip it down the middle...."_

_Oh hell no! I grabbed her and half tried to push her off of me, half grabbed around, trying to follow the hand the paper was in. First it was left...then right....the down and up again....and then my hand hit something warm. I pulled back, but hit fabric. What was going o-_

_Suddenly, Tanya had her chapped lips pressed to mine, and then shoved her tongue down my throat. Perfume or no perfume, this had to stop._

_I untangled my hand and shoved her off me, she fell to the floor. _

"_What the hell was that?" I hissed, storming towards the door. "I have a girlfriend!"_

_She stood up, walked over to the door and pointed down the hallway. A brunette girl was running while sobbing loudly. "Not anymore...."_

_The girl tripped._

_Bella._

_I started to run after her, but Jessica Stanly, who was also there for some reason, grabbed my arm. _

_I knew her! She was even dumber than Tanya (Yes, it's possible!). I seemed to remember meeting her at a ballet recital she was in with Rosalie in seventh grade. I politely told her to 'break a leg' before the show, to which she replied "Yeah? Well I hope you get hit by a train!"._

_What was our society coming to..._

_Anyway, she wasn't very strong, I easily shook her off and sprinted after Bella._

_Ok, obviously she had seen Tanya kiss me. But that was ok, right? She knew I would never cheat on her! All I had to do was explain to her what had happened, and it would all be ok. _

"_Bella!" I called. She didn't stop. "Wait! I can explain...." I got close enough to put my hands on her shoulders._

"_Get the hell off me, Cullen." she sounded furious. I needed to calm her down....lighten the mood._

"_Oh so that's how it is now?" I teased gently. "Last name status?" Yeah rigth!_

_Now she was going to laugh, realize that she knew me! She knew I would never cheat on her! Then we would hug._

_This did not happen._

_Instead, she spun around and quick as lightning, slammed her foot into my shin. Crap it hurt! First my lungs, then my eyes, now THIS? I doubled over and rubbed it, wincing. That really was uncalled for. I almost found the need to tell her what my parents had always insisted whenever I had a disagreement (AKA punch up) with Emmett as a kid: "Violence is not the answer! Use your words!"_

"_IT'S OVER!" She screamed, just about bursting my eardrums. Perhaps using her words wasn't the answer either... "Ok? Over!" her face crumpled. "Just leave me alone!" she stormed towards the gates._

_For some reason, I found myself yelling. "Fine! But can I have my boxers back?" Where had that come from...?_

_The boxer thing. _

_Ok, Bella didn't have many weird habits or fetishes......with one exception: apparently she liked to wear my boxers under all her clothes. Don't ask me why, she just did. _

_I'd found out during a particularly heated make-out session a year ago. We were both down to our underwear (it was a day where we both had lapse in self-control; we kind of let our desires get the better of us. What? We're teenagers) and I just happened to look down and...Oh look. She was wearing my boxers! When I asked her about it, she'd mumbled something about helping Esme fold the washing one day and thinking they were cute. Luckily, _I'd_ found it adorable and let her keep them. Apparently, this encouraged her. Slowly, I'd found I had less and less choice of underwear in the morning, until I had only two pairs left._

_Now I bought a pack of boxers every month._

_Meh. Every couple has their quirks._

_Anyway, I had asked Bella for the boxers back. Now she _had_ to see sense. Actually, I was kind of hurt she hadn't already realized what an overreaction this was. What kind of relationship was this if she didn't even trust me, or at least let me explain myself!_

"_Fine." she yelled over her shoulder. "I'll put them in your letterbox!"_

"_I need them now actually." I called. _Funy joke, right Bella? Right?...

_She spun around. Her face was blotchy and tear streaked. "Of course you do. So...what? You want me to take them off right here? Right now?"_

_Ok, so she was willing to take off her pants in a parking lot full of our peers, but she wasn't going to let me explain why she'd seen Tanya on top of me? _

_For goodness sake! What was wrong with her? This was Tanya Denali! _She_ was kissing _me_! Why would I make out with Tanya when I had_ Bella_ as a girlfriend?!_

_It was making me so mad that she didn't trust me enough to know I would never do that to her, that I yelled, "If you have the nerve! Which you don't. You've always been a wimp."_

_Bella's eyes narrowed and I was just about to take it back when she said, "You know what?" and yanked off her jeans, taking the boxers with them, leaving her in bright pink underwear._

"_Nice undies, Bells!" a familiar voice called across the lot._

_I made a mental note to rip Mike Newton's head off later on._

_But first, I turned my attention back to Bella. I couldn't help but laugh at the underwear she was wearing. "Pink." I smirked. "Hot."_

_But apparently, along with her loyalty, trust and BRAIN, Bella had also lost her sense of humour. Suddenly, she dropped my boxers in a muddy puddle (Oooo! Now I have to do laundry! Good little revenge there Bella!), picked them up again, stormed over and...... _

"_Here. Have your stinking underwear!"_

"_Well of course they're stinking, they've been on your a-"_

_........stuffed them into my mouth._

_I just about threw up. Muddy water started to drip down my throat while Bella smirked, then walked off again. Gagging, I pulled the soggy, disgusting material out of my mouth. "This isn't over!' I choked/shouted. I didn't know how, I didn't know when, I didn't know why, but she was going to PAY for this. "You do realize you've started a war, don't you, Swan?" Note to self: Remember to call Bella 'Swan' from now on.... "I'm not going to forget this!"_

_It'd be pretty damn hard to with the taste of muddy water stuck in my mouth for the rest of eternity...._

"_Sure sure!" Bella laughed maliciously, and turned out of the school gate._

_I turned back towards the building, fuming. What the hell was that? Shouldn't she be mad at Tanya? She was the one who'd come onto me after all! _

_Oh well. Bella would get over it (after I paid her back for the muddy boxer thing of course...). She couldn't stay mad at me for long. Besides, this sort of thing happened to every couple, it was just a....rough patch._

_Right?_

Present

Wrong.

This stupid 'rough patch' was still going strong, and it was all my fault. Seriously, if I hadn't been so nasty in the parking lot that day, Bella probably would have forgiven me. But no! I just had to open my big mouth and yell abuse at her! She _hadn't _been overreacting, she was perfectly justified in acting that way, because she'd _thought _her boyfriend was cheating on her. She was entitled to a bit of anger...

God, I was an idiot. But an persistent idiot. I wasn't going to give up on Bella. I was going to carry on as if I _hadn't _spilled my guts to her today. Playful teasing, pranking...

But first, I had to at least _try _to make sure she knew I hadn't been unfaithful.....

I dug into my pocket, pulled out Carlisle's phone which he hadn't yet taken back and punched in the number that had irritatingly been carved into my mind, thanks to tedious repetition over the years.

If Bella wouldn't accept _my explanation._....Maybe she'd listen to someone else's....

The other line picked up and I took a deep breath.

"Hello, Tanya? It'sEdward Cullen...."

**Review or... *tries to think of unique threat* AHA! Got it:**

**Review or I will make Edward and Tanya get married and have loads of babies in this story.**

**....**

**And then I'll send the babies to kill you all. MWAHAHAHAHA!**

**:)**


	19. Goodbye Forks

**I guess I kinda lose my title of 'Semi-regular updating Queen' now, right? Oh well..... I hope you guys don't hate me tooooo much.**

**This chapter is dedicated to my lovely friend, Finch, who is constantly reassuring me during music that I'm NOT tone deaf (even though I am....compared to her at least). Enjoy, my little clownfishes! **

Rosalie hit her glass with a knife three times, ignoring the glares that the waiters were shooting at her. "I now call this meeting to order."

Jasper, Alice and Emmett stared back at her in silence wearing slightly frightened expressions. None of them knew the reason she'd instructed them all to meet her for dinner and it was kind of unsettling....But apparently they were about to find out.

"I have called you all here this evening, to this..." she glanced at the _Pizza Hut _sign. "...fine establishment, to discuss an issue that has been affecting us all." she paused dramatically. "Edward and Bella's break up."

Jasper sighed, no longer in suspense, and picked a piece of pineapple off his pizza. He'd heard enough about "The Break Up", it was reminding him of that bad Jenifer Aniston movie. "Rosalie, _global warming_ is an issue, Bella and Edward's break up is simply none of your business."

"Global warming is overrated. It's really no big deal." Rosalie insisted. "This however, is an emergency."

"Regardless....." Alice said slowly, eying Rose. " _I_ thought we agreed that we wouldn't get in the middle of this!_ I_ thought we were just going to let the two of them work it out for themselves?"

"_That _was before a brand new piece of information was bought to light." she nudged Emmett. "Tell them what you told me."

Jasper and Alice flicked each other amused glances. This ought to be good....

"Oh, yeah." Emmett put his pizza down and pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget." he grinned. "I never forget a football score, but I suck at remembering this emotional crap."

"Just read it." his girlfriend hissed impatiently.

"Ok, ok," he held his hands up and started the story. "So the today I was in the guys toilets and I heard someone talking in one of the cubicles. Naturally, I listened and turns out it was Edward on his cellphone!"

"Wow." mumbled Jasper.

"To who?"

Rose reached up and covered Em's mouth so that she could be the one to deliver this bit of news. She paused. "....Tanya."

"Incredible." Jasper said in a monotone, staring at the salt and pepper shakers. "The suspense is killing me. Do tell more."

"Yeah, what was he saying?"

"I wrote it down." Em told them, holding up the paper. "Ok, so he was saying... 'Tanya, Tanya! Please! You have to lemon to me, it's-"

"Lemon?" Rose asked in a flat voice. "LEMON?!"

Emmett scanned his writing and laughed. "The ink got smudged. I think it must be _listen_."

"Yeah, maybe." she muttered sarcastically.

"'You have to _listen _to me, it's really important. Please, just do this one thing for me and I'll-' and then I think she must have hung up on him because he sighed and started to come out."

Rose raised her eyebrows at the group. "Now why would he be talking on the phone to Tanya do you think? Asking her for help with homework?"

"You're implying that he's dating _Tanya_?" Alice asked skeptically, catching on. "Because Edward wouldn't do that. Did he not justclimb _Bella's_ tree last night and tell her he loves _her_?"

"You're forgetting the part where she shot him down." retorted Rosalie. "Guys deal with rejection in different ways. Maybe hooking up with a slut is Edward's way."

Surprised by this unusually perceptive observation from Rosalie, everyone went silent for a few minutes, picking at the pizza in front of them.

Finally Alice spoke. "Ok, I guess it doesn't really matter _why _ Edward was on the phone to the Wicked Witch of the West, maybe we should just focus on getting him and Bella back together so Tanya can't muscle her way in any further."

Rose approved. "Ok, anyone got any suggestions?"

Silence.

Then Emmett's hand slowly came up.....

"Any _sensible _suggestions that do not involve _Halo 3_, a pie eating contest or an excessive amount of party hats." she shot him a dark look.

The hand came down....

Alice raised an eyebrow. "How did you know he was going to say-...?"

"Last Valentines Day."

"Ah...."

Emmett scowled at his girlfriend's ungratefulness. "Well _I _thought it was _very _romantic...."

"Speaking of romance..." Rosalie interrupted him, turning to Alice, her eyes suddenly bright with excitement. "Don't you leave for Paris sometime this week?"

"Wednesday," she confirmed, pouting. "Why didn't any of you three take French? Now I'm _stuck _with the two break-upee's."

"But this is _perfect_" Rose exclaimed, clapping her hands together. "They'll be in the city of love! They won't be able to resist each other! Seriously, by the end of this trip they'll be so loved up it'll be sickening!" she grinned. "And you and I, Alice, will be able to hang out with Bella, without her bursting into tears and eating an entire tub of triple chocolate ice-cream!"

"That's great, Rose." Jasper piped up, tearing his gaze from the salt and pepper. "But what if they do 'resist each other'? Paris isn't magic, and despite what those crappy chick-flicks might tell you, it doesn't automatically fix all relationship problems."

"Non-believer." Rose shot back at him. "And so what if they don't make up the moment they get off the plane? Alice can just fix up...... a candlelit dinner or something." she got up and grabbed her coat."Problem solved."

The other four shot each other exasperated looks, grabbed their things and followed her out of the restaurant.

A few minutes later one of the waitresses noticed their empty table and yelled, "Crap! Damn kids left without paying!"

*

BPOV

"_Now boarding Flight 103 to Paris_...."

I sat with my arms folded on an uncomfortable metal seat as Mr Chiron tried, and failed, to gain the two French classes' attention so we could actually board the plan.

So far, the entire morning had been a blur. We'd been instructed to arrive at Forks High School at four a.m so we could all ride in a bus together to the airport. A lot of parents had cried as we'd driven off in the school bus, and it had surprised me that Charlie was one of them. Not full-blown sobbing like _someones _mother, who'd stood crying, "My little wittle Mikey! Mommy's going to miss you so much!" but Charlie's eyes had gone a little red, and I began to think that maybe my dad was actually going to _miss _me.

Then I realised that he was probably only crying over the fact he'd be eating nothing but tinned spaghetti and burnt toast for the next two and a half weeks, and my warm fuzzy feeling evaporated.

Then, when we'd arrived at the airport, their was a big drama because a few students had 'gone missing' AKA gone to buy duty free alcohol with their fake IDs. But eventually they'd turned up and we'd all been instructed to sit quietly and wait to board.

It didn't happen.

Poor Mr C was beside himself. "Please! Children! Please!" he wailed, obviously regretting the day he'd agreed to take just under fifty teenagers to the other side of the world. "We 'ave to board ze plane _now_!"

No one paid any attention. A group was shaking a vending machine, trying to get some free snacks, a few other people were having a handstand competition (Eric won), Alice, my only friend on this entire trip had abandoned me in favour of talking to some old lady about which natural remedies could keep her skin young and youthful and Edward....Edward....

I'd been sneaking looks at him all week, ever since the whole 'I love you'-'I don't love _you_' thing (as Rose and Alice had been referring to it). But every time he looked my way I'd stare intently in the other direction and try my best to look as if the wall I was studying was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen.

Of course, all of this sneakiness was going to have been a waste of time in a few hours, since Edward and I were _still _partners for all the activities. Even though I'd begged and pleaded Mr Chiron to put me with someone normal, he wouldn't budge. 'No, no, Bella! Zere ees no changing ze partners at zis late date!' Stupid french bastard....

*

Eventually, he managed to get everyone lined up and ready to board. I was first in line, not eager to be a part of the pushing and shoving that was sure to ensue as everyone tried to find their seats at the same time. It reminded me of a fire drill a few years back; everyone was frantic, all trying to squeeze out the door simultaneously and in the process Lauren Mallory got a broken arm and there was a huge hole punched in the classroom door.

I handed the my ticket to the woman at the door of the plane and made my way as quickly as I could (without tripping over my own feet, a regular occurrence when I try to do anything except walk) up the aisle. My ticket read _H19 _and after some very skillful navigating on my part, I found my seat (the one on the aisle, just my luck) , stored my carry-on luggage, a few books, my iPod and a jacket, and finally sat down.

My plan was to pretty much sleep through the entire flight, that way I wouldn't have to make conversation with anyone _or _eat any crappy airline food! So I leaned back in my seat, ignored the buzz of chatter around me, squeezed my eyes shut and willed sleep to come.

"Bella, you're going to have to move your legs to I can get to my seat."

My eyes popped open and I stared up at the person standing over me.

Edward held up his ticket, with an amused expression. "_H20_. We've been seated together."

"_Hello, this is your Captain speaking. Welcome to seven hours of hell. Please fasten your seatbelt....."_

**BEST REVIEW GETS A PREVIEW OF THE NEXT CHAPTER (as usual). I promise I'll update VERY soon. **

**Ps: Send me any requests of things you want Edward and Bella to get up to in Paris! **

**Ta ta! Xxxx**

**-Lauren**


	20. Edward's Little Accident

**I know I took a while to update, but this chapter is long, so it makes up for it right??**

**Ok, there are a few things that have been regularly pointed out/asked/told to me via reviews, so I'm just quickly gonna address some of them:**

**Firstly, Mr Chiron is the name of the French teacher at my school. But apparently it's from Percy Jackson and the Lightening theif or something....I've never seen that so I didn't get the name from there.**

**Second, the captain speaking at the end of the last chapter was just Bella's imagination. Yeah, because I'm pretty sure a pilot wouldn't welcome his passengers to 7 hours of hell.....that'd be just weird....**

**Third, thank you so much to _Twilight-Obsession14! _She gave me amazingly brilliant ideas (thanks to everyone who gave me ideas for the story as well, but this girl gave me like 50!!). So thanks!**

**And lastly.....You may want to sit down....A lot of you have been sending reviews like 'Get them together already!' or 'The fighting is getting old! We want romance!' etc etc... But I have some bad news: Bella and Edward aren't going to get together til the end of the story. Sorry! But thats just how it is! This story is called _Revenge is Sweeter _not _Gooey, Kissing and Cuddling and Romance is Sweeter. _Kay? **

**But...the story does end in about four or five chapters so you don't have long to wait.**

**WOW! Long authors note! Time to rrrrreeeeaaaadddd! xxx**

**Previously:**

_"Bella, you're going to have to move your legs to I can get to my seat."_

_My eyes popped open and I stared up at the person standing over me._

_Edward held up his ticket, with an amused expression. "H20. We've been seated together."_

_"Hello, this is your Captain speaking. Welcome to seven hours of hell. Please fasten your seatbelt....."_

My mouth hung helplessly open as I continued to stare at him. This was _not _happening....

"Seriously, Bells," Edward gently reached down and began to move my outstretched legs from his path. "I need to get to my seat."

I flinched as his warm fingers touched me, and brought my knees up to my chin so that he could move past. What was I going to _do_? Seven hours next to _him_? That meant seven _whole_ hours staring at the seat in front of me, trying to pretend I _wasn't _freaking out and contemplating jumping out of the window and to my death.

Not an easy way to spend a day.

I mean, obviously my original plan (to fake sleep for the entire flight) was now a no go – how was I meant to sleep when I had Mr half God (I'm referring to, of course, his gorgeous exterior. I mean, just because he's a dick, doesn't mean we all have to pretend he isn't the sexiest male on the planet! Lets be honest here...), half devil man (referring to his soul – or _lack _of one) sitting next to me? He might as well have been Hannibal Lector as far as pleasantness went!

In fact, I would probably have been _more_ comfortablenext to Hannibal! Who cares if he ate me? At least he wouldn't tell me he _loved _me!

"So....." said my little flight companion .

My head snapped up and I narrowed my eyes at Edward. "Oh no! Don't you _dare _try and make small talk." New plan: Stay silent for entire trip and when plane lands, make a run for it and never look back.

He snickered and I felt my face getting hot. "Sorry, Bell-"

"Swan." I muttered.

"What? Where?"

"No, you idiot." I hissed. "You're calling me Swan from now on, ok?"

It was so much easier to be around him when I thought he hated my guts, and getting our titles straight was one excellent way of kidding myself that he had no feelings for me whatsoever.

"Why w....Oh." realization dawned on him. "Last name status?"

"Exactly."

"Because you don't like me?"

"Exactly."

"Or at least, that's what you're _telling _yourself. You're really just defensive about your feelings towards me."

"Exactl-....NO!" I shook my head so energetically that my hair started to come out of the loose bun I'd tied it in that morning. "No! I just...." I held my head high. "I just think that's _appropriate._"

"Right." his lips twitched.

"You don't believe me?"

"No. I just think you're cute when you're defensive."

"I'm not DEFENSIVE! It's the truth!" I exploded.

Quick as lightening, a over friendly air hostess swept over to out seats and crouched down to look us in the eye as if she was talking to five year olds. "Hello," she cooed in an sickly sweet voice. "is everything ok here?" You could tell she was one of those people who always pretended to like people, but did a crappy job at it.

I nodded and turned scarlet and Edward pretended to have a coughing fit to cover up his laughter.

"Great," she said pleasantly. "then you won't mind keeping it down so the other passengers can enjoy their flight?"

"S-sure." Edward stuttered between 'coughs'.

"Excellent. We'll be taking off in a few moments." and she shuffled off to annoy someone else.

Edward laughed so hard he almost had to use the brown paper bag people vomited in just so he could breathe.

"Did you...._see.... _that?" he asked, gasping for air.

"Yes." I spat. "And just for the record, I'm delighted you find my humiliation so damn amusing."

He ignored me, still chuckling. "I bet she'll spit in our food."

"Great, because food poisoning is hilarious."

"Ugh," he slumped in his seat and turned his head to look at me. My unpleasantness had finally gotten to him. Excellent.... "Have you got PMS or are you just _choosing _to be a bitch?"

That stopped me. He wasn't supposed to be mean to me! He was supposed to be all nice and tolerant, not call me names! How dare he! "You know what?" I started to fiddle with my seatbelt, trying to get it undone. "Maybe I'll just go check if there's a nice seat next to _Mike Newton _that I can switch to..."

He raised his eyebrows. "Well maybe once you're gone, I'll invite _Tanya_ to sit in your place."

Asshole! My breath felt like it had been knocked out of me. When I made threats about Mike, he usually knew I was bluffing. But Tanya.....That was way more likely to happen. It _had _happened.

The seatbelt light flashed on, since we were about to take off, so we were forced to stay with our current seating arrangements.

As the plane left Washington, I knew that the next seven hours had the potential to be the worst of my life.

2 hours into the flight

We had a new air hostess. And she was _worse _than the one who had told us off earlier (yes, it's possible). She wasn't over friendly with a huge, fake smile plastered across her face. Oh no, no she was not!

She was normal....she was worse than normal....she was..young! And pretty!

And she wanted Edward.

I did not like her. Not one little bit.

Of course, Edward found her incessant flirting _hysterical_ and being the complete and utter _prick _he was, he was more than happy to flirt right back.

"So, Zooey." he said as she passed Edward and I our peanuts (a job that apparently took ten minutes and required her to spend nine and a half of them chatting). "What's it like to be an air hostess?"

"She flies, she wears an ugly outfit, she passes out snacks and then she goes home." I cut in. _Would you please just leave now, peanut bitch?_

"It's interesting." she replied, grinning at Edward and completely ignoring me. Such _brilliant _hospitality.... "So, Edward Cullen," she giggled. Great, Edward, now that you've told her your full name, she can stalk and _kill _you. "How old did you say you were?"

"I didn't." He shot her a smile. "I'm eighteen."

Her face lit up and I could practically hear Zooey's creepy inner-pedophile cackling 'He's legal! MWAHAHAHA!'.

"And you?" he asked politely, proceeding to throw a peanut in the air and catch it in his mouth. Show off.

"26." she replied.

"And that means," I turned to Edward, speaking as if he was mentally disabled. "that if Zooey was a really overdeveloped and slutty eight year old, which I'm sure she was, she's old enough to be your mother!" I turned back to..._her....._and smiled sweetly. "We have snacks. You can leave now."

"O...ok..." she blinked, confused, and left us in peace.

"Well _that _was very rude." Edward said, grinning at me.

"Stop. Smiling." I growled, folding my arms and still fuming over her nerve. I was _so _going to ring up the airline and complain about this.

"Can't. Your jealously amuses me."

"What makes you think I'm jealous?" I demanded.

"Well...." He inclined his head towards my hands. "you're making fists-"

"I'm simply getting ready to punch you."

For the millionth time in just a few hours, I was ignored. "-your face is flushed-"

"Name one time I'm _not _bright red."

"-at one point when Zooey was talking to me, your hand drifted to my thigh-"

"Wait, WHAT?"

He smirked at his little victory. "You heard me. If that isn't possessive jealously, I don't know what is."

"I did NOT put my hand on your thigh, Cullen." I insisted. "If I _had, _my arm would have turned green and fallen off. It's hardly worth the risk-" I stopped. Because suddenly, I had this weird inkling....that maybe...just _maybe_....in my frustration with Zooey, I'd _possibly_ reached over and.... "OH CRAP!"

He laughed lightly at my expression. "You just realized I'm right didn't you?"

It was a reflex reaction! It was involuntary! It was involuntary!

"Uh, no!" I scoffed, tossing my hair in an attempt to appear confident. "I just....remembered that I.... left the iron on!"

"Isabella Swan, that is a total _lie_." He accused, elbowing me lightly. "You left the house at four a.m this morning, why would you have been _ironing_?"

"I always do ironing in the early hours." I insisted. "It makes the clothes crisper."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"I wouldn't expect a guy to understand the ways of proper clothes preparation." I sniffed.

"Whatever," he ran his fingers through his hair. "you're trying to change the subject, but it's not going to work. You're just going to have to admit it: I'm right, you're jealous."

"ARGH!" I threw my hands up in the air in frustration. "For the last time, I'm _so _not jealous! I'm _far _from jealous. I hardly even care that a woman almost a decade older than you was undressing you with her eyes! I couldn't care less! In fact," I yawned theatrically. "I'm actually rather bored with the subject."

"Jealous." he sang, poking my shoulder. "Jealous, jealous, jealous."

I rolled my eyes and leaned back in my seat with my eyes closed. Other passengers were also starting to doze off, so I figured Edward would shut the hell up if I pretended I needed a nap as well. "Goodnight, Cullen."

"Jealous..."

"I'm sleeping."

"Jealous, jealous."

"God you're immature!"

"Jeal- Oh hi, Zooey!"

My eyes popped open and I sat bolt upright in the seat, my lip curling. "For God's sake! We have enough peanuts you..." But the skanky cow was nowhere to be seen, so I slumped back and glared at the comedian. "Oh ha ha, Edward. Hilarious."

He chuckled to himself. "I thought so."

4 hours into the flight

Edward took a sip of his sparkling lemon. "Free drinks, wasn't that nice Bella?"

I muttered something to suggest otherwise and shot daggers at the the offending air hostess.

Bitch.

"Her only seduction technique is offering you a free beverage?" I scoffed. "How pathetic."

"Yet...." He swigged some of the drink back. "how delicious..."

Agitated and without thinking, I reached up and knocked the cup out of Edward's hands.

_Let's see how delicious it is when it's splattered all over you..._

There was a tense silence as we both stared at his lap and the dark liquid slowly spreading across his front. My eyes flicked to Edward's face. His mouth was hanging slightly open and his eyes were wide with disbelief.

A few moments passed and from the corner of my eye, I noticed Edward slowly turn to face me. "You are so _dead_, Swan." he growled menacingly.

His attempt at intimidation was useless, because the hint of yellow from the drink, that was quite noticeable as it spread across the front of his tan pants, had given me inspiration....

"Oh, Zooey!" I called across the plane, grinning from ear to ear. She looked up and in my direction. "Do you think you could please bring us some napkins?"

"What are you...." Edward started to ask.

"Sure." the air hostess called back, obviously eager for any excuse to be near Edward again. She abandoned an elderly passenger halfway through pouring his tea, and made a beeline for us, carrying a handful of paper towels.

"Thanks a lot." I said as she came to a stop in front of us. I pretending to look around for anyone who might be paying attention, which was basically most of the plane by now. Then I whispered loudly, "Edward had a little _accident._" I pointed conspicuously at the huge wet patch on his front.

Zooey's smile faded as her eyes zeroed on his crotch. "O-oh....You...you..." her wide eyes flashed to Edward's now horrified face. "You _went_?"

"NO!" he exclaimed, his cheeks flushing scarlet. "Bella-She....I...."

"Oh don't be embarrassed, Eddie!" I interrupted, ignoring his death glare. "It's not your fault you have zero control of your bladder!"

"D-does this happen a lot?" Zooey hissed, starting to back away a bit.

"You'll learn to get used to it." I promised. My expression suddenly turned thoughtful. "However, his bowel problem might be a little hard to live with...."

And with that, it was goodbye to Zooey.

She practically sprinted away from us muttering, "It's true! Men _are _like parking spaces! All the good ones are taken, and the only ones left are disabled..."

I leaned back in my seat and folded my arms feeling extremely proud of myself. She wasn't good enough for him anyway.

…

Forget that last part.

Edward gritted his teeth and started to use the napkins to mop up the mess. "You're the devil, you know that right?"

"Uh huh."

*

"Please! Stay together!" Mr Chiron cried (Like, literally cried. Tears were running down his cheeks as he tried hopelessly to gain control of the class.)

"You're not a very good travel companion, has anyone ever told you that?" Edward said irritably, keeping in pace with me as we walked through the crowded and extremely busy Charles de Gaulle Airport.

I ignored him. Now that I was no longer crammed beside him in a airplane seat, I could finally forget his existence and get on with having a fun time in Paris.

Unfortunately, he wasn't making the forgetting part very easy...

"Seriously, didn't Charlie and Renee ever teach you table manners?" he muttered as we came to a stop in front of the baggage carousal. "Drinks are for drinking, not for throwing at innocent bystanders...."

I stood on my tiptoes and tried to spot my suitcase on the conveyor belt. I was _not _going to respond to his stupid remarks, designed for the soul purpose of winding me up. As far as I was concerned, Edward Cullen did not exist. It was time for me to move on.

Besides, if I ignored him well enough, sooner or later he was going to have to get the message and leave me alone....right?

"Now listen to me, students of Forks High. I'd like you to meet the children of St Jean-Pierre High School," Mr Chiron called shakily. I turned around to see him gesturing to a group of students in red and green uniforms. "They will be accompanying us on our travels and acting as our guides....MIKE NEWTON GET OFF THE CONVEYER BELT RIGHT NOW!"

I sighed and went back to looking for my bag/ignoring Edward. Finally I saw my suitcase emerge and pushed forward through the crowds of people to grab it, Edward wasn't far behind.

Not that he existed anymore...

"What are you doing?" I hissed when he went to pick it up.

He raised an eyebrow and lifted the handle of my suitcase so he could pull it along. "I'm carrying your bag, what does it look like?"

"You can't just go from insulting me one second, to being chivalrous the next." I snarled, reaching forward and tugging at it. Seriously, was this guy bipolar or what?!

Not that he existed anymore....

He wasn't giving in that easily. "Bella," he muttered, pulling it back, "I. Am. Carrying. Your. Bag."

"No, you're _not_." I yanked it back. It was kind of turning into a tug of war....

Unfortunately, I was never good at that game, and apparently, Edward was brilliant.

Not that he existed anymore....

I pulled harder at the exact same time as Edward gave up and let go, sending me flying. My bag ripped open and clothes went everywhere. I stumbled right into the arms of the St Jean-Pierre boys and both of us fell to the floor. A bra I recognized as mine landed on his head.

"Shit." I whispered, feeling my face turn bright red.  
The boy stared up at me, his brown eyes wide with surprise. But slowly, his handsome face spread into a smile.

"I'm so so sorry." I squeaked, trying to get up. A few people started to laugh.

The boy smiled charmingly, and took my hand to help me to my feet. "No problem, cheri."

I blinked stupidly. W-O-W. No one ever told me French guys were _this _hot! His short black hair was silky and a little piece of it flopped across his eyes....His tanned skin was smooth looking and totally unblemished and-

Suddenly, Edward was at my side, whispering frantically in my ear. _Stupid ex-boyfriend interrupting my perving.... _"Bella, I'm sorry about that, I-"

"Go away Edward." I hissed. The hot French boy was still holding my hand, even though we were both already on our feet. My idiotic ex was _not _going to ruin this for me. So, ignoring him, I smiled at the guy who had just let go of one of my hands to pull my bra off his head. "You're from the other school here? The one we'll be traveling with?"

"Oui."

"Now that we've established that," Edward said grumpily. "can we go? Our class is starting to leave for the hotel and we still have to pick up all of your clothes..."

"That _you _spilled everywhere." I hissed under my breath. "Piss off Edward." Then to the hottie, in the sweetest/ most flirtatious voice I could manage.... "I'm Bella." He had started to lightly stroke my palm with his thumb.

Swoon.

"Welcome to The City of Love Bella." he said in his sexy French accent, winking at me. "My name is Jacob."

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	21. The Bus and The Bowl

**I apologise. I really do. As I said in my A/N, ****there's**** been a lot of stuff happening in my life (I shan't bore you with the deets lol) and I just haven't had the **_**time. **_

**I'll get better at this guys. That's a promise. **

**Enjoy! xxx**

**Previously…**

_"Go away Edward." I hissed. The hot French boy was still holding my hand, even though we were both already on our feet. My idiotic ex was __not __going to ruin this for me. So, ignoring him, I smiled at the guy who had just let go of one of my hands to pull my bra off his head. "You're from the other school here? The one we'll be traveling with?"_

_"Oui."_

_"Now that we've established that," Edward said grumpily. "can we go? Our class is starting to leave for the hotel and we still have to pick up all of your clothes..."_

_"That __you __spilled everywhere." I hissed under my breath. "Piss off Edward." Then to the hottie, in the sweetest/ most flirtatious voice I could manage.... "I'm Bella." He had started to lightly stroke my palm with his thumb._

_Swoon._

_"Welcome to The City of Love Bella." he said in his sexy French accent, winking at me. "My name is J__a__cob."_

**EPOV**

_Bella and I sat beneath the Eiffel Tower on a picnic blanket, our fingers linked together. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and although there were many people milling around us, we paid no attention to them. In our world, the one we always got wrapped up in when we were together, only the two of us existed._

"_You look incredible." I breathed, suddenly noticing that she looked ever more beautiful than usual. Beautiful didn't quite cover it, actually. Sitting there in a little blue sundress, her dark hair blowing gently in the breeze...she looked like an angel._

_Instead of speaking (or blushing), Bella cupped my cheek in the hand that wasn't already holding mine. Her thumb slowly stroked under my eye and she moved a little closer. I wound my arms around her waist and brought us both back onto the blanket so that she was lying on top of me. Her perfect lips spread into a smile._

_God, I was so lucky to have her. In that moment I had no doubt that Bella was the one. She was one in a million and there was no way that I was ever going to let her go, not for anything...._

_Just as our lips were about to touch Bella pulled back and looked me right in the eye with a strange expression. "Erm, do you think you could please stop squishing me against the window?"_

"_Huh?"_

"Seriously, I'm beginning to lose ze feeling in my face..."

I sat up and wiped my mouth. "Sorry."

"Thank you." said the boy sitting next to me, moving away from the window and rubbing the side of his face.

I blinked a couple of times and looked around. We were sitting on a bus amongst about sixty kids, some of them dressed normally and some in striped blazers.

Then I remembered where I was.

My date with Bella had been a dream. In real life she hated my guts.

Dammit! Life was such a bitch....

Before I had any more time to brood, I realized that the kid I'd been squishing against the window was holding his hand out to me.

Slowly and in a half asleep state, I shook it and studied him.

The guy was obviously from that St Jean Pierre school that was meant to be guiding us for the first few days in Paris. He was kind of weird looking... not that I judged people by their looks...but he _did_ look a bit...strange. Although he appeared to be around my age, his hair was like...gray, his eyes were a little squinty and he was wearing a pink shirt under his blazer.

A _pink _shirt.

Still, totally not judging....

"Hello," he said with a toothy smile. "My name is Sean McCabe."

"Edward Cullen." I replied, scanning the bus for Bella, but it appeared she wasn't on this one. Probably purposely ditched me for the Jacob guy....What a douche.

Well, might as well make small talk while we waited to arrive....wherever the bus was taking us.

_I really need to start paying more attention when the teacher is speaking..._

"So...Sean McCabe isn't a very French name, is it?" I blurted out.

"Uh...zat eez because I am not French." he said informatively. "My fameely travelled a lot when I was younger. I moved to France when I was three but I grew oop in America." he beamed. "Just like you."

"Ah. So-"

"Oh my goodness!" he gasped, clasping his hands together. "My Aunt lives over there! Perhaps you know her?"

"I doubt i-"

"Her name eez Ronel Moore! I think I recall that she leeves in….Chicago? Yes, that eez it! Have you met her?"

"Um...Well, no." I forced a sympathetic smile. "Sorry."

His face fell. "Oh."

An awkward silence followed.

Well.... this trip was off to a great start, now wasn't it?

Apparently, I do _not _have a future in detective work.

In my 'Bella-Scan' of the bus, I evidently forgot to check the seat _right in front of me_.

However, being a male, I refused to accept that even in my sleep deprived state I could make such a simple mistake, so when I saw the mahogany curls just ahead of me, I figured I'd check. …just to make sure it was really Bella…..(I mean the idea of me not seeing her the _first_ time I looked around was preposterous! I had eyes like a hawk!)

So, in order to see her face, I just slowly reached out and…..

"SHIT!" she spun around in her sleep and rubbed her scalp, her expression furious. "Oh my God! _Edward_!" she hissed, eyes blazing. "Did you just _pull_my hair?"

"NO! Well…." I looked down sheepishly. "Yes. But only to-"

"That is so _childish_! Gosh!" she huffed and faced the front again, my time to be graced with her attention apparently over.

Well, at least I knew it was Bella.

And that I needed my eyes tested.

I glanced over at Sean who was slumped in his seat and staring out the window (probably thinking about his Aunt and how tragic it was that I didn't know her) then, since he apparently wasn't going to be of any entertainment, I leaned forward towards Bella's seat, straining to hear her.

"Just an ex." She was saying. "He's kind of a dick sometimes."

I resented that.

"Do not be so hard on heem. Without you as heez girlfriend he moost be heartbroken!" the person beside her replied.

THANK YOU! Finally someone actually GETS it- Wait a second…that was a _male _voice….

It was _Airport Guy! _His name was Jacob or something…

I heard Bella laugh nervously "Still, I don't think breaking up with _me _is really an excuse to turn into asshole of the century. But…let's not talk about him."

"What would you like to talk about then?"

"You!" she laughed again. "You've pretty much forced _my _life story out of me, now it's time for you to talk about yourself."

"Ah, but you are mooch more eenteresting than me!" he insisted.

"I doubt it. Come on now. Spill!"

"Ok, well as you know my name eez Jacob Noir…"

"Noir…Noir…Why does that word ring a bell…?" she said thoughtfully.

My God….maybe she and I shouldn't have spent so much time writing notes in French class and more time actually listening! But at least _I _studied the vocabulary! She didn't even know that 'noir' meant….

"My last name actually translates to 'Black' in English," Frenchie explained.

Was I the only one who thought that having a last name like 'Black' is a sure sign that this guy was...like...evil?

No?

Just saying….. Most black things _are _pretty bad! Black cats, the dark, black pudding….

AND NOW HIS LAST NAME!

"Huh! That's pretty cool!" Bella wasn't catching onto my theory. I'd have to explain it later.

He continued. "I'm nineteen years old," far FAR too old for her. "I love going on long walks," Bella couldn't even handle walking to the refrigerator from the couch and back without tripping (personal experience). They were so WRONG for each other. "And….I'm an Aquarius?" Well…that I couldn't really criticize. But I'd find a way to later.

"Great fact file." Bella approved, a smile in her voice. "And your English is incredible! How long have you been learning to speak it?"

Then something weird happened. It was like his accent immediately got way stronger.

"Oh..Joost sevairel years." He replied. "I eem a fast learner! Ha ha!"

What the hell was up with that? Was-

"Edward?"

"Yes, Bella?"

Wait….Why was she saying my name…?

Slowly, I looked upwards to see two faces looking down on me. I moved back into the sitting position and tried my best to look innocent.

"Were you just…uh…how do you say it…. eavesdropping?" asked Jacob, glancing at Bella with a horrified expression, as though he couldn't _believe _someone could _do _such a thing.

Yeah, because butter couldn't melt in_ your_ mouth, Devil Man!

"I have no doubt that he _was _Jacob." Bella growled, folding her arms and glaring at me with so much venom that I truly feared death. "God that is so _rude_, Edward!"

"Eavesdropping is a very, _very _strong word…" Oh who was I kidding? "Hey, have you guys met Sean?" I gestured to him enthusiastically.

Bella smiled at Sean tightly. "Nice to meet you." Then she turned back to me. "You and I are _so _having words when we no longer have company."

"Are you sure you're speaking to me?" I shot back.

"No, but by 'have words' I mean I'm going to kick your ass."

There was a lingering silence as Bella and I locked eyes and stared each other down. Jacob cleared his throat and out of the corner of my eye, I saw him hold out his hand (what _was _it with these French people and shaking hands? Besides, I thought they were the ones that kissed on the cheek or something. Wait, maybe that's the Italians…).

"Bonjour, I am Jacob."

I didn't look away from Bella and made no move to shake his hand. "Hello _Justin_."

"Wow, really mature, Edward." Bella gave me one last venom glare and turned to the front again.

"Hang on, hang on…." I leaned forward a little, "I kind of slept the entire way here _and _through all the briefing so can someone _please _inform me as to where we're actually going?"

**BPOV**

"I just don't see why the St Jean kids had to accompany us to our _hotel_." Edward muttered as we waved the other school off in their bus.

"They wanted to welcome us to our country and get acquainted." I explained watching wistfully as the St Jean's and Jacob drove off into the distance.

_Jacob…_

He was literally _the _coolest person I'd ever met in my _li__fe_. He was so funny and nice and so hot it made me hurt to look at him.

And I had this weird longing for him to take his shirt off….

Mmmm…Jacob….Yes I was hoping to spend a _lot _more time with him over the next couple of weeks….

"Bella, everyone's heading inside….Can we go too?"

I blinked and glanced at Edward who was looking down at me with concern.

"Yes…yeah. Why were you waiting for me?" I muttered, annoyed. 'Twas a sad day when a girl couldn't fantasise in peace. "If you're just going to stick around me the entire trip like a little puppy dog, you can forget it."

He looked hurt for a split second, then his expression went hard. "Yeah, because the _brilliant _alternative was to leave you out here on the street. All alone amongst the pickpockets and cars and rapists and-"

"Yeah, yeah, you've made your point. Thanks for saving me, superman." I interrupted, stalking off to catch up with the rest of the group.

I wish I could say that we walked into the hotel and it blew me away with its gorgeous interior, luxurious furniture and attractive staff.

I'd be lying.

Not to be ungrateful or anything, because a roof over our heads_ is_ a roof over our heads, but…wow. First of all, it was dark and dusty inside with just a lamp burning on the front desk for light, so it didn't really feel very welcoming. The furniture was ripped and this ugly grey green colour. And the people….well one of the cleaners was picking her nose…I think that kind of says it all….

"Children!" Mr Chiron clapped his hands and smiled/grimaced. "You all happy to be here? Yes?"

"Not really." Someone yelled back.

Apparently Mr C had already learnt the fine art of tuning us out. "Well, ze new fun is about to begin! It is time to find out who you will be rooming with for the next two weeks! I've cut all your names up and put them eento this bowl!" he held up the plastic bowl that the fruit salad had come in on the plane.

"Isn't it meant to be a hat?" someone else called out.

"Quiet. Now, it is simple! You pick someone out and that is who you'll be sharing your room with. But if you get someone of the opposite sex, you must put it back and pick out another one who eez the same gender as yourself." He gave this really perverted chuckle and wagged his finger. "I want no hanky panky!"

….

"I'm going to vomit." I whispered to no one imparticular.

"Now…" he put his hand in the bowl, pulled out a piece of paper and read aloud: "Angela Weber!"

I heard a squeak from Angela's direction. "That…that doesn't mean I'm rooming with y-you does it, Mr C?"

"No, no! It means you are the first to pick someone from the bowl!"

"Oh thank God…" she muttered, walking up and quickly taking a piece of paper. She read it and immediately went red. "Ben Cheney."

Wolf whistles sounded from around the group as Ben flushed purple and a very flustered Mr Chiron shook his head.

"Pick another one! Pick another one!" he insisted quickly.

She did as she was told and got… "Alice!"

"Please collect your bags and you will be directed to your room." Instructed Mr C in his most professional tone, gesturing towards the stairs.

More people approached The Bowl. Mike and Tyler were paired together. Lauren and Katie. Edward picked Ben which for some reason, made Eric look kind of sad…And then it was my turn.

The moment of truth. I was now going to find out who I would be sharing a _bathroom _with….Who I was going to have to get on pretty damn well with otherwise it was going to be hell for the next two weeks…

It sounded dramatic, but it was pretty damn nerve-wracking in real life, ok?

_Oh God, please don't let it be that girl with really bad B.O…._

"Go ahead, Mees Swan." Chiron held out the bowl to me.

I stuck my hand in, swished the remaining bits of paper around a little and pulled one out.

Slowly, I unfolded it and stared at the name on the paper.

_I wonder how much a plane ticket back to Forks is…._

"Tanya Denali."

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	22. Fly Swat

**Hi guys! So, this is quite a short chapter, but since I'm trying to keep my updates regular, I figured that short is better than nothing, right?**

**Speaking of regular updates, if you guys want quicker ones, don't hesitate to hassle me on twitter! My username is shamburga.**

**Anyway, that's about it! Enjoy! xxxx**

They say first impressions are most often wrong, and in the case of myfirst impression of the hotel, I was very happy to report that this was _definitely _the case.

Unlike the lobby, when I staggered into room 204 with my bags (whatever happened to bellboys?) , the first thing I noticed was the charming interior (and lack of dust!). Fluffy peach carpet, two dinky little yellow beds, a tiny chocolate placed on each pillow and….ladybug lampshades!

I smiled to myself and dropped my luggage on the bag by the window. What a cute room!

"What a _disgusting _room!" Tanya cried in horror, sweeping past me.

And….it begins.

She shuddered, strolled over and shoved all my bags off the bed I'd claimed and replaced them with hers. "It looks like the room I used to have when I was _four_!" she reconsidered after a moment. "Wait, no, actually, I had far better taste than this…"

"What are you doing?" I demanded. "I got here first, so I got first pick of beds. And I picked _that _one!"

She unwrapped a piece of gum and popped it into her mouth. "No, no. You see, _I _get the bed furtherest away from the door, because if some crazed murderer bursts in with a knife, it means he'll kill _you _first!" she grinned, apparently pleased with herself

_I will not sink to her level. I will not engage in her petty arguments. I will not-_

"Not necessarily." I stormed up and attempted to shove her off the bed. She squeaked and clutched onto the sides. "He'll most likely take one look at your irritating face and decide to do the world a favour and get rid of you for good!" Success! She toppled off and onto the floor.

"What the hell, Swan?" she clambered up awkwardly as I was throwing her bags onto the other bed. "Stop it! That's my be- UGH!"

Then she did the weirdest thing…

She walked over to the other bed with a murderous scowl and started unpacking one of her seven suitcases without saying a word.

In other words….she gave up.

_Without _causing me any actual bodily harm!

I grinned in surprise and began to do unpack as well. Perhaps she was just sick or jetlagged, but…wow! The fact that she actually gave in to _me _was HUGE.

I stared down at the bed, AKA my beautiful, beautiful prize. I would sleep well tonigh-

"HOIYA!"

"What the..." I spun around as Tanya began attacking me with something flimsy and plastic.

_Perhaps I was a little off about the whole 'without causing bodily harm' thing…_

"That.." smack smack. "bed was…" smack smack. "MINE!" her expression was ferocious.

"What are you doin-" I suddenly caught sight of her weapon of choice. "Why the hell would you bring a _fly swat _to France?"

"There are…" smack smack. "bugs here, aren't there?" smack smack. "Like YOU!"

"Still," I raised my arms to defend myself. "A fly swat? Really?"

"Yes." She stopped hitting me. "And if you annoy me like this again, I will begin to use it regularly." With that, she spun around and returned to her unpacking.

I stared after her in shock.

…_.and she calls me a freak?_

The evening passed without event, apart from Tanya waking me up at two a.m to throw a pillow at me and accuse me of snoring.

I don't snore.

I tried to tell _her _this, but she was insistent and warned me that if I did it again, she would have no choice but to use the dreaded fly swat on me once more.

At quarter to three I was awoken by a thin plastic square hitting my face.

I woke up just as tired as I had been when I'd clambered into bed (my sweet, sweet bed by the window….) twelve hours earlier.

I half walked, half crawled to the bathroom, only to find it already occupied. "Ugh….Open up, Tany- OH MY GOD!" I suddenly noticed the light smoke seeping under the door. My shock turned to irritation. "Dammit, Tanya! What have you set on fire?"

"Nothing!" she exclaimed. "I'm straightening my hair, idiot!"

"Smells like you're burning it, actually…."

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't expect you to know anything about hair care. Not with the boring, one tone frizz ball _you _keep on top of your head." She emerged from the bathroom with her long, blonde hair completely bone straight.

I glared at her and pushed past into the smoky bathroom to take a shower.

Nine a.m and all the Forks High kids were assembled in the lobby, waiting for Mr Chiron to tell us what we were going to be doing today. Mr C, however, was looking as flustered as ever and muttering to himself while sifting through a pile of papers.

Edward managed to catch my eye and smiled as we were waiting for the teacher to get his act together. I _almost _smiled back, but then I remembered that he (along with Tanya) was the spawn of satan.

You don't smile at the spawn of satan – it's just not done.

Suddenly, the doors to the hotel swung open and a sea of teenagers in striped blazers walked in, led by a man with a bushy moustache. The St Jean-Pierre students!

Mr Chiron ran up and shook the moustache man's hand as he sighed in relief. He then spun around to face us. "Children! Please, hush!"

"Children?" someone from our group yelled. "Dude, I'm eighteen!"

"Yes, yes." Nothing could spoil Mr C's mood now that he was no longer the only adult here with us. "I'd like you to meet ze headmaster of St Jean-Pierre High School. You may call him 'Mr Boulanger'."

Mr Boulanger nodded politely at us. "I am sorry could not meet you at ze airport yesterday, I had to attend a meeting. Although you met my students and I trust they were wonderful representatives of my school."

Mr C nodded enthusiastically. "Indeed they were. Now, ze plan for today, children, is that you and your partner will be paired with someone from St Jean's and they will show you a few selected places around the city. Now…." He began rummaging through his papers again. "..where is the list of the groups…Ah…."

We all waited patiently for Mr Chiron.

He blushed and looked up after a few minutes. "Looks like you'll be picking your own groups! Forks children, find your partner and…mingle with the St Jean students until you find someone you like the look of!"

Mr Boulanger looked outraged. "This is…" but his words were drowned out by the babble of talk as the schools began to mix.

"Hey partner."

I turned around to find Edward smiling down at me. I gave him a dirty look.

"…what?"

"Don't smile at me like that!"

He closed his mouth so that his grin showed less teeth. "This better?"

I rolled my eyes and grabbed his arm. "Come on, lets go find a partner."

"Can we go with her?" Edward hissed as Holly, a cute redhead who had about the only easy-to-pronounce name in the whole of the French school, walked away.

"You only want her because she's pretty." I hissed back. Besides…..I'd just remembered someone else in that school who's name I could pronounce….

"Bella!" that someone called.

I smiled at the familiar voice as I saw Jacob making his way through the other students. "Jacob!"

"Edward!" Edward mumbled.

We both ignored him.

"I saw you earlier, I was going to come talk to you but you were already speaking to someone else and I didn't want to interrupt.." Jacob said warmly. "Wanna be partners?"

"Sure!"

"We have to _agree _on a partner, Bella." Edward muttered. "And I do _not _agree on…him."

"Yeah? Well Jacob wants to be with us, I want him to be with us…It's two against one."

"But that's not fair!"

"You sound like a toddler, don't be so whiny." I scolded.

"I'm just saying, it's not your decision to make!"

"Yes, it is."

"Since when?"

"Since now!"

"That's not a proper answer!"

Jacob' eyes darted between us like he was watching a tennis match.

"Stop throwing a tantrum just because you don't get your way!"

"I'm not throwing a tantrum!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"Um…everyone's leaving…"

We both turned to glare at Jacob.

His eyes went wide. "Never mind….carry on."

"Let's just go, ok?" I huffed, resisting the urge to punch Edward. Instead, I just stormed towards the hotel exit.

As the two boys trailed behind me, I couldn't help but think to myself that today was going to be _very _interesting...

And I wasn't referring to the musems.


	23. Story Upate plus Earthquake

**Hey guys,**

**Ok, so you MAY have noticed that I haven't updated in like...four months haha. I'm really sorry! **

**But I have an explanation:**

**I have writers block.**

**And...**

**There's been a giant earthquake in my city. So...yeah, its been quite a huge distraction.**

**A little info on it, it was in Christchurch, New Zealand where I live (shout out to anyone who lives there too! Hope you're coping.), and it hit two weeks ago. It was the same magnitude as the Hati one so it was pretty scary :/**

**Anyway, this story is on hiatus for a month or so.**

**The time will fly! Don't worry **

**X**

**Lauren**


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